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Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
sar302 · 10/05/2019 12:38

For gods sake, what is wrong with all these men??!!

No. No, no, no. For fucks sake! It's not even a question!!!

Not only a no to this, but no to spending a day away every weekend. Particularly once you have two small children!

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 12:40

Also, if his ST means scrimping and saving he's being a dick.

Season tickets (we have 5) are a luxury, it took us years to get to a position where we could afford them, and if having them meant the kids missing out on stuff or us struggling financially we wouldn't have them!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/05/2019 12:43

He’s disgusting tbh. Not worthy of the title husband or father if he would seriously leave you on your due date for a fucking football match.

But i would never have married or have children with someone who spent so much time away on a hobby.

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TheCaddy · 10/05/2019 12:44

I think you should go to your mums. He will need to learn that he can’t just piss off himself.

I am no football fan but the news said there are no direct flight to Azerbaijan or wherever it is so it’s. it easy to get to. If I’m on the right game of course.

BookwormMe2 · 10/05/2019 12:46

sar302's right - taking a whole day out at the weekend isn't on either. My OH found out he'd reached the top of the list for a season ticket after a 10 YEAR wait - about two weeks after we found out I was pregnant. He was gutted at the thought of turning it down (because money would be tight) but I insisted he got it because it was his lifelong dream to have one. In turn, he goes to matches at weekends (only home games) but doesn't go drinking for hours before or after (if it's a midweek evening one he'll go for a pint then) and he will trade his ticket if matches clash with our family stuff. I understand football is his passion and put up with the constant games on TV although I draw the line at watching on Friday nights FFS and he understands family life still comes first and it's a good compromise. Your DH has his priorities all wrong, OP.

wizzywig · 10/05/2019 12:46

My husband just watched the footie whilst i was in labour. It was shitty of him. He will be an utter tit until the CL match is played

DonkeyHohtay · 10/05/2019 12:47

Total waste of time as Liverpool are going to win anyway, so he'll be wasting his money watching his team get gubbed. Grin

Going away on your due date is ridiculous. I would be very cross. Not scared as let's be honest, you know what's going to happen to you and you are well equipped to get through it whether he's there or not. Scared no. Livid or fuming, perhaps.

Original poster
Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:49

Its Madrid in Spain but I doubt there will be flights as all the fans are pouring in...

OP posts:
mindutopia · 10/05/2019 12:50

The fact you are pregnant aside, you need to start booking the other day of the weekend and one night a week to yourself, and see how he likes juggling it all. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that he's trying to justify that much leisure time while also having 1, soon to be 2, small children. It's just not sustainable without you completely burning out and him missing out on huge chunks of family time that he's voluntarily excusing himself from. Wouldn't we all love to devote 18 hours a week to an activity we enjoy? But it's not realistic when you have small children who need a lot of care and attention.

That being said, it's almost beyond comprehension that he would consider being away when you are at term. My eldest was born at 37 weeks every quickly and unexpectedly. My dh wouldn't even go to visit friends 1.5 hours away after I was 35 weeks with my 2nd just in case. And even if your baby has arrived by 40 weeks, he sure as heck should not be leaving you alone with a baby and a toddler. It's not safe. You won't be getting much sleep and without any support, risks putting you and your baby in a situation where you might fall asleep holding him/her if you don't have support during the night, never mind things like risk of infection or blood clots that can happen very suddenly in the early postnatal days. You really need someone there with you. If he doesn't want to be that person, I'd be packing his bags for him and sending him off to live elsewhere.

StCharlotte · 10/05/2019 12:51

Tell him if he was that much of a loyal supporter, what was he even thinking going anywhere near you nine months ago when this could be the outcome? Wink

I hope he does the right thing OP Flowers

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 10/05/2019 12:52

I'm sorry your OH is contemplating going to Spain for the final at this time in your pregnancy.

He wouldn't be the first partner who tells himself he's entitled to go away "with the lads" and do what he did when he was single because his guilty pleasure is fantasizing that he is carefree and responsible to no one but himself.

Zampa · 10/05/2019 12:53

Total waste of time as Liverpool are going to win anyway, so he'll be wasting his money watching his team get gubbed

I just came on to post this!

Flights are about £1500 ATM too. Regardless of the rights and wrongs, it would be a colossal waste of money to book it all and then end up not going because the baby's early.

RosaWaiting · 10/05/2019 12:54

this is not on and you have to tell him straight

his reaction will tell you a lot.

I'm not a football person, but I'm a fan of fandom if that makes sense - I totally get how it can mean a lot to someone.

but it is not acceptable to do what he is planning, not at all.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/05/2019 12:54

I think you need to start planning now for how you will end this marriage and cope as a single parent, because a man this fundamentally selfish and sexist is not going to change. In his opinion, a 'wife&kids' are accessories to his idea of himself as a successful man: you are there to make him look good, but at the same time he is the person in the household and therefore any spare money gets spent on his interests, and everything must revolve around him getting all the leisure time available.
At least you're married, so there is some likelihood of you getting a fair division of assets when you divorce him.

FiremanKing · 10/05/2019 12:54

The other matches - not a problem but the one match on or near your due date where he is out of the country I feel he should forsake.

GummyGoddess · 10/05/2019 12:56

What if you have a c section or have to stay in? He's selfish and idiotic.

Dc1 was 19 months old when dc2 was born. I was totally shattered, it's really hard with just one! You can't even leave the baby and toddler in the same room together at first either until you know the toddler won't accidentally hurt the baby (fine for us, but a friends child was hell bent on tucking baby in with anything to hand and would be dangerous to be left with baby).

He is not going. If he does then you know where you and your children are in his priorities.

Springwalk · 10/05/2019 12:56

It is unbelievable that a football match comes before the birth of his baby, really you shouldn’t even need to be having this conversation. It should be obvious to him what is more important.
Has he always been this selfish?
When do you have time off?

IncrediblySadToo · 10/05/2019 12:57

He thinks the baby will be born before then? Well that’s ok then, so long as he doesn’t miss out.

...

Seriously. I could understand it a tiny bit more if you were going to be 37 weeks and he was squeezing a last minute team final game in.

...but he thinks the baby will have been born and leaving you with DS & a newborn is perfectly fine?!

The fact he has a small toddler already and still pisses off to the football all the time is a real indication that this isn’t going to change anytime soon.

You need to decide how you’re going to handle it going forward. Leave him. Issue an ultimatum that you will follow through on or accept you’re living with a selfish wanker and that’s not going to change.

I had a partner once who supported a major league team and a local team and played in a team. I quite like a bit of football, so Year 1 was fine. Year 2 it was wearing thin as everything revolved around it, even holidays. When I considered life with him once kids arrived I broke up with him. Sad as otherwise we were great together, I just knew that it wouldn’t work for either of us.

redhotchill · 10/05/2019 12:57

You've just said you doubt there will be flights. So he's going to plan to drive there? Or he's going to accept he can't go?

He's a selfish twat and I wouldn't live a life like that. Go to your mums

IsabelleSE19 · 10/05/2019 12:57

Both me and DH are massive fans of the club in question (I am a former player for the women's team), and in your situation there is no way DH would be going (obviously if I was in your situation I couldn't go anyway!). It is a big, big deal for the team, but that's just tough I'm afraid - family comes first. Or it should do for any decent human being.

Bubblegumicecream · 10/05/2019 13:00

Did you not discuss this potential scenario before now?

Doesn't really surprise me that someone who clearly dedicates so much time to this past time would want to be there for the biggest night of his clubs history. It's not like he supports Barca or Real who will make the final every other year. It's their first ever European final and probably won't happen again for decades to come.

Is it wrong of him to go? Yes IMO.

But no surprises seeing as he obviously lives and breathes football and up until now has a partner who tolerates large portions of social time being spent on this hobby.

I hope he makes the right decision.

grumiosmum · 10/05/2019 13:00

So he's a Spurs fan?

I don't think people appreciate quite how significant this match is.

We are Liverpool fans, but for Spurs it's arguably an even bigger deal, as Liverpool were in the final last year.

OP, has he said he's actually going - because flights and hotel rooms are now prohibitively expensive?

It's a tricky one. He could probably go & only be away from home for about 8 hours - and hope you don't go into labour then.

My DH went away for a week when I was 38 weeks and was a 10-hour flight away. Now that was stressful .... but nothing bad happened.

CostanzaG · 10/05/2019 13:01

You sounds like you're married to my DH's friend....but he still goes to every single match - home, away, abroad. It's unbelievably selfish.

My DH s a huge football fan but family always comes first.
Your DH should not be going to that match.

Echobelly · 10/05/2019 13:01

He does realise he has to get used to not doing whatever he likes once he is a father? That there will be child birthdays and events that he will be expected to prioritise over footie?

Obviously, most babies do not arrive bang on their due date, but that is beside the point. This baby will only be born once, he can see his team plenty of times!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 10/05/2019 13:01

I am THE most laid back person you could find, but even I’d be putting my foot down in this. How bloody selfish is he being. Firstly he’s potentially missing out on the birth of his child. He’s also leaving you when you need him, what happens if you go into labour in the middle of the night with your toddler there - let me guess? Your or his parents are supposed to pick up the slack!

I’m sorry op, but this would be a deal breaker for me.

Plus I’d also be talking to him about his lack of responsibility and also the fact that you need ‘your’ time too. Not to mention the money

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