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Original poster

OH going abroad for a football match on my DD

203 replies

Meow25 · 10/05/2019 12:13

Hello, this is my first post and I could really do with some honest opinions on whether I am over reacting and/or being unreasonable. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my OH is a huge football fan and a season ticket holder so more times than not goes to home and away games (cut down slightly but only if away game is on TV) so one day on the weekend he is gone pretty much all day as well as usually one day midweek after work returning just after midnight..this has been a bit of a sore point for me as we also have a 15 month old son that I stay home with although I did work 2-3 days a week until 35 weeks pregnant either from home or office whilst grandparents looked after him. I guess my point is I have very little 'me' time and when I do, I am working. However, thats not to say that I do not want him having a break as he is a hands-on dad and a good partner.

So my OH returned from Amsterdam football game yesterday (was gone one night) which was the semi-final and his team made it to the final which will take place on 1st June in Madrid....I will be 40 weeks pregnant and due to give birth on 31 May...is it wrong of me to feel let down and scared that he will miss the birth or even want to go given the circumstances? I guess I feel second best and irrelevant that he is willing to take such a risk as well as leaving me at 40 weeks pregnant when I am vulnerable and would need help be it pregnant with a 15 month old or with a newborn and a toddler (if i give birth beforehand)....Help please...I feel devastated :( and very upset with him
...am I wrong to feel that way?

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 14:37

StCharlotte the pp said the majority of footballers. I can think of a few recently who didn't play in order to see the births of their children!

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 10/05/2019 14:38

He's a cunt. Time he grew up. It's only a game FFS.

pallisers · 10/05/2019 14:42

To be honest, I think things would never be the same for me if my husband wanted to go in these circumstances. Yeah, I might insist that he stay and if he does, fine but the very fact that he wants to/expects to go would make me respect and like him a lot less. Certainly how I felt about my marriage would change.

The twice weekly matches are also taking the piss when you have a toddler.

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pallisers · 10/05/2019 14:44

I don't follow English football so I'm unsure of the last time his team reached the champions league final. But if this was the team that we support I'd 100% let my DH go. He probably wouldn't. But I wouldn't be annoyed if he did.

Do you think your family or friends who you would be relying on to mind your toddler, get you to the hospital and support you in labour might feel annoyed?

StCharlotte · 10/05/2019 14:45

InTheHeatofLisbon

Semantics Wink

LookImAHooman · 10/05/2019 14:53

Football was basically this important to my uncle. His marriage to my aunt failed eventually but the way he put football first contributed to legitimate issues in his relationship with their children for decades, even though he naturally loved them. I really feel for my cousins. Think very carefully, OP. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

PrettyBelle · 10/05/2019 14:57

OK my opinion will be unpopular, but if you have another birth partner I would let my DH go to this game. It is a big deal for any team and for the team in question it is unprecedented. And it may be very important to him and not a pleasant choice to have.

I certainly wouldn't want him checking live updates with me in the delivery suite. Or hold a grudge for you over missing it if you are overdue.

pallisers · 10/05/2019 15:02

Or hold a grudge for you over missing it if you are overdue.

That would be fairly prickish of him wouldn't it. I appreciate this is an important match - unprecedented even. But the birth of a child is pretty important too - unprecedented even as this particular child will never be born again. And I don't want to upset anyone but births aren't always straightforward even if the pregnancy is. If something scary happened to me or my child in labour (and it did in my first labour) and dh was off at a match, I don't think I could look at him again.

I think OP is not unreasonable to feel devastated and irrelevant. The only thing is maybe this is the first flush of the win and he isn't really thinking straight. I hope her dh gets over the euphoria of the win and says "christ what was I thinking, of course I can't go when she is 40 weeks pregnant"

PrettyBelle · 10/05/2019 15:09

pallisers But the birth of a child is pretty important too - unprecedented even as this particular child will never be born again.

well, the child will be there when he gets back home and he can spend all the time with it on any day. He cannot go to the final on another day.

Obviously, OP would need to have another reliable birth partner, like her mum. If she has noone, then it's a different matter of course.

OliviaBenson · 10/05/2019 15:13

well, the child will be there when he gets back home and he can spend all the time with it on any day. He cannot go to the final on another day.

Conversely, he cannot go to the birth on another day whereas he can see his team at other matches in the future.

I wouldn't be able to forgive him if he did this. Fucking football. It's 1 game.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 10/05/2019 15:14

My dad is a Spurs fan if he was a season ticket holder family would always come first. Your DH is being selfish. Yes tge baby could come early or late or on time but anything could happen. Hes a knob.

Tunnockswafer · 10/05/2019 15:15

If you have to miss a big game, better to have a brilliant reason for missing it, like a new baby. I can’t imagine growing up knowing my dad had made that choice.
By the way “fantastic husband and hands on dad” on here usually translates to “does the bare minimum and put his hobby first”. Mine you it’s usually cycling.

PrettyBelle · 10/05/2019 15:19

OliviaBenson

I am sure the birth of his child is of utmost importance to him. However, he might not see his presence there as crucial, if his wife can get the right support from other people. He is not actually giving birth himself, the baby will be born regardless, his role is just to "be there for her", hold her hand and rub her back.

"Other games" is not a Champions League final. Never happened before and God knows if and when it ever happens again.

Tunnockswafer · 10/05/2019 15:22

Good lord it’s not only his role re supporting his wife. It’s knowing you could meet your new child, who you’ve created, and saying “nah, I’ll meet you later”. Wta.

Coyoacan · 10/05/2019 15:25

I'm very sorry, OP. I think the very fact that he is considering doing such a thing speaks volumes.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 15:29

his role is just to "be there for her", hold her hand and rub her back

Oh fuck off this isn't 1955. If he's prioritising football over his child he's a dick. No two ways about it.

"Other games" is not a Champions League final. Never happened before and God knows if and when it ever happens again.

As my user name suggests, the last time my team won the European Cup (became the CL) was 1967. The last time my team reached the final was 1969. If we reached the final next year and it clashed with something important to my family, I'd be gutted at missing it, BUT I would miss it.

Because family is always more important than football unless you're either an idiot or a selfish twat.

Karigan195 · 10/05/2019 15:29

I’d be changing the locks and dropping his clothes at his mums if my partner did that to me.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/05/2019 15:30

well, the child will be there when he gets back home and he can spend all the time with it on any day. He cannot go to the final on another day.

Without wishing to scare anyone, childbirth is the most dangerous thing a woman is likely to go through in her life, it can be unpredictable and get very serious, very fast. It is not a given that either his wife or newborn will be there when he gets back after his big boys jolly.

cocomelon23 · 10/05/2019 15:32

Spurs are going to lose anyway so he'll be going to watch his team lose!

thenightsky · 10/05/2019 15:33

I wonder how he'd feel if he was booked for some scary procedure (say open heart surgery or a transplant) and you fucked off to Wimbledon for the weekend.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 15:33

ILoveMaxiBondi agreed. I had a very unexpected potentially dangerous birth with DD. I wouldn't have got through it without DP, and it was horrific. Thankfully had a happy ending for me and DD, but had he been off on a jolly and left me to deal with that alone he'd have found an empty house on his return!

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 15:34

Spurs are going to lose anyway so he'll be going to watch his team lose!

Aye, that's true. Highly unlikely Spurs will actually win it. Not that that's relevant, but it is a valid point.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/05/2019 15:42

Same lisbon. After a dream birth with DS1, DS2 was totally different and he collapsed when born. Fucking terrifying. Would never have forgiven my partner if he’d left me to go through that alone. watching our child lying lifeless while I couldn’t even get to him was just horrific. My mum was a midwife for 40 years, I know I got off lightly too! Plenty others didn’t take home a healthy baby in the same situation.

pallisers · 10/05/2019 15:47

ILoveMaxiBondi agreed. I had a very unexpected potentially dangerous birth with DD. I wouldn't have got through it without DP, and it was horrific. Thankfully had a happy ending for me and DD, but had he been off on a jolly and left me to deal with that alone he'd have found an empty house on his return!

Me too. It wouldn't be something I'd chose - I literally could not look again at my husband if he had gone off to a football match while I had a pph and a 4th degree tear and my ds was in the nursery overnight - as happened me. But even an event-free birth I couldn't get over the selfishness and lack of regard for me and my children. I really do hope this is just the first flush of victory speaking and the dh in question will come to his senses. I also suspect if he says to his friends that he is going when his wife is 40 weeks along, they are going to look at him as if he has two heads.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 10/05/2019 15:48

ILoveMaxiBondi that sounds horrendous, I'm so glad you took a healthy baby home!

DD needed help to breathe, I don't actually know how long it took to get her breathing but I'd gone into shock because of her birth and collapsed on the floor (gave birth standing up).

It was the most horrific experience, until I heard her cry. Still think it's the most amazing sound I've ever heard, I've never known relief like it.

People assume births are straight forward, and aye, loads are. But even if they have a happy ending sometimes you need support during labour and birth, for whatever reason. If it's not your partner because of football, he doesn't have his priorities right.

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