Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

I'd rather make money from my fat and keep warm with my slanket. There's a weird thread that isn't this one?

This one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3567494-to-ask-what-your-weird-secret-behaviour-is

Hi all. Dilemma...
My noisy partying swearing cheeky neighbours are celebrating a big 50 party today...marqee...bucking bronco etc
They psrty every sunday but not to this extent.....it does my head in.

I work 6 days a week. Todsy is my one day off. I start work tomorrow at 630am and finish at 8pm. Neighbour has invited me tonight. I said id try to get there, for a little bit and said i have a very early stsrt.

Do i go and have a strained hour or two or enjoy my precious day off to myself??? I dont mean to sound like a misery...my days off are so precious.

It sounds like you don’t want to go so don’t go.

However, it does sound like a good opportunity to dispose of them and all their friends, thus ending their incessant noise.

A small explosion would be the obvious choice, but it does risk your property, plus you’d have to go out. So instead I think you need to arrange for someone to drive up with a ‘party bus’, tempt them all on, and then drive them a long way away, and hence onward to an island from which they will never escape.

Surely this is what the dark web is for, someone must offer this service? You may need to pay in bitcoin.

Oooo an explosion would make for a great firework display!

Pay in sex, skulling is popular.

Perhaps you can go with fireworks and make it look like an accident?

Especially with this wind. Perhaps a grenade firework could blow from your hand when you pop into your own garden.

Thigh I don't think we can recommend skulling until we've resolved what you do with the eyeballs.

Whats skulling?? I think i have an idea but hope im wrong

I’m in much the same boat, Wheely

Organs then.

Are we the dark web?

Invisible

Don't go Wheely just stick two fingers up over the fence and shout out loud that they're a bunch of inconsiderate wankers!

Take no notice of me. I'm in a bad mood because I got called into work on a bastarding Saturday!!

I said 'Do I look like the type of person that wants to go in on a bastarding Saturday???'

Bitch said "No but you are contractually obliged to, so get your moaning arse to work'

UGH!!!! It's disgusting!

Where are my millions?? I'm too lazy to do the lottery but feel I'm a good candidate to win it anyway!

I wish I was just in Line of Duty instead!

Thigh I’m concerned your words are drying up.

Has thigh got verbal fry?

Or has Pauline got her again?

Who's Pauline? I hardly ever know what's going on around here

I was driving and running a Nation at the same time. It's very tricky, i have to wait for level crossings. I am finished driving now.

No time to catch up, just wanted to say:

Thinking of you

Pauline-Bot was a FOE who captured me and tried to kill me with a hoover, some heated rollers and the scent of zoflora, hyacinth flavoured. I think i ran away to a chocolate factory and Dangly helped me using a rope of battered sausages. There was a bus and some Fuckboys. Not sure whose side they were on though.

Oh Project. Can I stroke your fur?

It’s a shame that belief driving has to take account of level crossings.

I'd fight them but fucking trains innit.