Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

And for those of us that don't want to get our thisters faces tattooed on our own faces...the solution.

Dog I think having 40 nails would be a bit cumbersome. I'm not sure how they'd fit into my Monster Munch packet?

And could I still peel a cream egg in seconds?

Thigh do you feel the need to rub aftersun onto the first poster you have, it just looks like when he starts to peel, it could get a bit messy.

Dog those ones are better, far more practical, but surely Everyone wants to get Everyone tattooed onto their faces? It's a no-brainer!

AC/DT but you could put a hula hoop on every one.

Great ideas! Id like these please

auntie dangly you would have servants, like a Chinese Emperor. They would feed you Monster Munch with chopsticks.

Dog you could sweep crumbs away with those practical ones

wax yes and I was thinking you could tie the hair up into little ponytails or wear it down, so versatile.

I love those ones wax they are so you!

Caroline now you are talking!! This time next year when we are all millionaires I am employing someone to do just that.

Their job title will be 'Chief Feeder of the Chamber' or somesuch.

I'll have lots of staff, someone ought to be responsible for making sure my slankets are in colour order on the floor.

Dog how many fingers have you got to manage to have 40 mini fingers?

Here are your new fingers, thisters.

Well I like those ones this [heart emoticon] I can tell you are fully qualified now!

Im a work for a long shift. How do i get out of it but get paid in full at the same time?

This lets ask Wax to help us count (she does it without even thinking). I'd assumed your 10 original fingers plus the 3 extras on each one, thus 40 possible places to wear your hula hoops. The hair ones wouldn't work with the hula hoops.

Wheely can you make a cardboard cut-out of yourself and leave it in your usual place at work? If you need help we have thuperb artists who could fashion a likeness of yourself Reg, Baker, i feel some work coming your way...sharpen your crayons.

These nails could be useful. You'd save time and energy by not using your mouth. Plus, the wear and tear on your actual teeth would be less.

Wheels shave your colleagues head and then your own, stick your hair on their head with superglue, I'm sure they will then think that it is your colleague who left early and not you and you will get paid!

Oh my noway they are brilliant. They could talk and eat and chatter in the cold!

There's a thread in chat that's tailor made for thigh - the one about the house in Texas with a burial ground in the garden

I feel your pain Wheely ! I had this yesterday and it was a bastarding Saturday!! it's plain ugly.

We've done this before and it foolproof: If you cannot get Dog's cardboard cutouts done in time, or can't get a hold of colleague's scalp, don't fret, just stick on two of those stick-on googly eyes over your eyelids and you can be napping but still look awake and listening when you boss/colleagues are droning on. Then for the future get the eyes tattooed on so can use anytime.

If you get bollocked for not following instructions correctly just say you are suffering from maladaptive daydreams so cannot always listen properly and wish to be logged with HR as 'disabled'.

Then they'll be snookered for a comeback!

wax yes! And bite people when you're shaking hands with them.

Dog as I said before, no useful counting only weird letter counting.

No those nails are fantastic! I hope this is advanced enough by now to be able to apply them for us.

Biting hands yes ! and biting people who try and eat your snax or biting people who touch your shoulder or anything else really, I really want them