Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

Fads, Farts and Fuckboys

I just found the ‘viscous cycle’ thread lido. I’m torn between telling the OP she’d be happier if she was just openly violent and sheer admiration that she manages to get her cat to shit on command.

Oh I think I saw her, is it the self-confessed two-faced cunt?

Madness, Murder and Monster Munch

And Machetes

Yes DT the one with secret cunty thoughts.

Acronym: mmmmm

We could be like the agents of SHIELD

Never fear, I am here. (Wanky emoji)

No snappy alliteration. Hello Lad.

Hi Lad!!! How’s the Russian poisoner?

Cabal, can I ask for some good thibes to sell my bastard house? If I can sell my house, I can quit my horrible job and get the Dark Lord into the appropriate borstal. We’ve got a flurry of viewings, I just need one of them to bite. I’ve even thought up an alternative freelance career that involves No Management.

Project this all sounds marvellous.

To sell your house I believe you have to upload the link to the Property & DIY board so people can rip apart your taste in interior design.

Project keep baking bread at all times, and put fresh cut flowers on the table, before that, side swipe the table with a bin bag in the other hand and throw all the usual crap on there in the bin (or a skip if bin won't suffice) Do the same for your kitchen tops and all surfaces.

I know the above advice is Unthigh but if it relieves you of the burden of this work shizz, I think on balance I'd be temporarily making the effort in my slanket just this once.

Hello Lad, good to see you!

Project sending thignals of good luck from here. My advice? Of course I love and admire him greatly but keep any evidence of the Dark Lord's "science studies" hidden. Also wipe the spunking cock off your neighbour's 4x4.

What's the new career? Child minding? Mwa ha ha

My coffee and energy drink are both dysfunctional. I’ve had one of each and still don’t yet feel alive or ready to face today and I’m at work

Miracle oh you'll have to rebalance that with a soothing mug of warm gin. Have you got anything to stroke? A dog? A bus passenger?

Cocks, cunts and cults is marvellous it's so inclusive.

Thank you for asking re my viscous circle. My bowel situation is urgent yet manageable. The soft water, fresh air and hot tub are a bit of a shock to the system. I really am a martyr to my bowels.

One of the dogs, i suspect Sheep 🐑 has had a big runny shit in the living room in the night. I suspect from some dead matter he ate on the beach. Good job Margaret didn't see that.

thigh I’m currently sat in my office all alone (benefits of having my own office). Now considers stealing the cat across the road to fuss.

She said she wanted to check the PH balance in the hot tub. Obviously a ruse to keep me on the straight and narrow. It didn't work, nothing would have stopped me pissing in it.

Miracle if you have your own office i suggest you do some online shopping and then have a lovely nap

Parrot and Sheep on the beach

Thigh, Are you sure it was Sheep that did the poo, or are you sleep-shitting now?

Dog you raise a valid point, there's nothing to ensure i won't sleep shit of course. On this occasion however there was sand in the shit and I'd remember eating sand, I'm sure of it.

I don't know if I could distinguish sand from McCains, amongst all the rage.

Miracle time to deploy the stick on eyes. Or if you don't have any to hand, draw some eyes on your eyelids and then sit back and sleep. No one will notice, you'll just look very focused.