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Original poster

Could I Be Being Groomed At 48 ?

228 replies

WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:46

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years.
He has always had an alternative sex lifestyle.
In the beginning I was besotted with him & went along with anything he suggested. Stupid I know now on hindsight.
We partook in threesomes & looking back I was always so off my tree I joined in.
He would always berate me after - I didn’t give him enough attention during the evening...
He was the sole instigator of any meets & will spend hours cultivating conversations so we meet the ‘right’ couple.
It’s always been for me - he always maintains he gets nothing out of it but we always argue for days after a meet as I’ve failed in some way.
I came home from work today to a list of instructions on the stairs regarding how I should be dressed to come upstairs etc.
I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.
I failed & now he keeps saying I can’t follow instructions.
He has also set up a met with one of his friends this weekend without any conversation.
I’m not stupid but I’m sat here now thinking- he is actually grooming me & i’ve let myself be led for his kicks
Is this possible?

OP posts:
pinkpushchairs · 17/04/2019 19:48

He sounds controlling and abusive

Samind · 17/04/2019 19:48

Um. What? This is so outrageous! Horrible on his part!!! Is he like a Dom or something?

Do not take anymore of this demeaning and abusive behaviour. You're worth more. Your body is not for the benefit of others or for your dp to fail you on every occasion.

Sending you massive love! I feel so bad for you. Do not put up with this!!!!!!

sackrifice · 17/04/2019 19:50

What is the house situation?

You need to get him out or get out yourself.

TwirlyWitch · 17/04/2019 19:51

Not grooming but completely controlling you- which is abusive. Ditch him

inmyfeelings · 17/04/2019 19:53

I'd be calling the police - he's arranged for you to have sex with his friend ?

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:53

He says he is ‘setting me free’ allowing me to be the person I’m meant to be.
I’m just having a moment of complete clarity

OP posts:
Samind · 17/04/2019 19:54

The person he wants to use and abuse more like. Have you got much in the way of support?

JonestheMail · 17/04/2019 19:55

I think this relationship has gone beyond grooming into abuse. Would you participate in any of this from choice?

Time to get out OP.

harajukubabe · 17/04/2019 19:56

He may actually believe what he is saying to you.

managedmis · 17/04/2019 19:57

I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.

^

Do this once you've kicked him out

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:57

Unfortunately I went through a very traumatic divorce.
We live together but he pays for the rent.
I’ve recently got myself a much better paid job . Previously I worked for home as did he.
I’ve now taken myself out of the house & find myself staying out beyond my hours as I’m realising I dread going home to whatever task he has set me.

OP posts:
QueenBeex · 17/04/2019 19:58

You've been with him 3 years too long

Singlenotsingle · 17/04/2019 19:58

Setting you free? It sounds like he's tying you down (metaphorically and maybe physically). WHY on Earth are you putting up with this? I bet he's even taking money by providing your services to other people!

Al2O3 · 17/04/2019 19:59

Totally 100% you are being abused. You know this.

colditz · 17/04/2019 20:00

You don't have to do what he wants.

MrsKCastle · 17/04/2019 20:00

You have every right to say no to these 'tasks' and 'meet ups'. You have every right to say no to this relationship. If you dread going home, then it is not right for you.

CherylCheshire · 17/04/2019 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LaganOnABubble · 17/04/2019 20:02

Oh please leave this abusive situation and get your own place with your own company boy for a while.

LaganOnABubble · 17/04/2019 20:02

Rogue word boy in there

TabbyStar · 17/04/2019 20:03

I had a boyfriend like this. Completely overrode my boundaries and self esteem with his weird sex demands. Make plans to get out as quickly as you can and in the meantime please say no to anything you don't want to do.

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 20:05

Thanks all. I think I just needed to vocalise.

I don’t do a lot of the tasks he sets me simply because they revolt me & involve using items in my work place.
I’m sat here thinking how did I end up in this situation & how do I remove myself from it

OP posts:
ANewEra · 17/04/2019 20:05

If you were in a D/S dynamic, then his instructions etc would be appropriate. DH and I started out like that, many moons ago, before the DC arrived. However, the game is off if one of you isn't feeling it. How would he react if you said you didn't want to play anymore? Our relationship is fine without the D/S except our fall out today, but that's another thread!) and we are just a normal couple. If he doesn't want you if you won't play then ditch him!

64sNewName · 17/04/2019 20:05

This is controlling and abusive, OP.

Good luck getting rid.

Samind · 17/04/2019 20:06

Have you got anyone you can stay with OP?

MyOtherProfile · 17/04/2019 20:07

Do you have a friend you can go stay with?