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Original poster

Could I Be Being Groomed At 48 ?

228 replies

WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:46

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years.
He has always had an alternative sex lifestyle.
In the beginning I was besotted with him & went along with anything he suggested. Stupid I know now on hindsight.
We partook in threesomes & looking back I was always so off my tree I joined in.
He would always berate me after - I didn’t give him enough attention during the evening...
He was the sole instigator of any meets & will spend hours cultivating conversations so we meet the ‘right’ couple.
It’s always been for me - he always maintains he gets nothing out of it but we always argue for days after a meet as I’ve failed in some way.
I came home from work today to a list of instructions on the stairs regarding how I should be dressed to come upstairs etc.
I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.
I failed & now he keeps saying I can’t follow instructions.
He has also set up a met with one of his friends this weekend without any conversation.
I’m not stupid but I’m sat here now thinking- he is actually grooming me & i’ve let myself be led for his kicks
Is this possible?

OP posts:
hippoherostandinghere · 17/04/2019 20:56

Run. Run and never look back. How far away is your son? Can you commute from there? He's ramped it up a gear since you have become more independent.

FiremanKing · 17/04/2019 20:58

He’s your pimp, not your lover.

HollowTalk · 17/04/2019 20:58

I wouldn't even pack. Get out now, OP. Tell your son you think he's going to hurt you.

QueenBeex · 17/04/2019 21:03

Make sure you tell your son when you're about to begin travelling to his, also mention if you aren't there in X minutes he should ring the police on your behalf

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 21:03

It’s amazing how 1 minute everything becomes so clear. Over recent months friends have remarked how unhappy I seem.
Last week one said ‘ everyone deserves happiness but you seem to think you don’t deserve it’
He made me become dependent on him & I probably let him.
I was floundering after my divorce & just wanted to be wanted again.
I’ve messaged my son to put the wheels in motion

OP posts:
lyralalala · 17/04/2019 21:04

Well done OP. Stay strong!

Hairyhat · 17/04/2019 21:06

Rooting for you Op

sackrifice · 17/04/2019 21:06

Good but just be wary that abusers can turn on a penny and turn violent when their prey starts to break free of the chains.

justthecat · 17/04/2019 21:07

Go as his back his turned , cafe,pub,whatever

Echobelly · 17/04/2019 21:08

This sounds not at all mutual or consensual, and very unhealthy. This sort of thing is not supposed to be like 50 Shades of frickin' Gray

OverwateredCheeseplant · 17/04/2019 21:08

This is very disturbing to read, OP. You must get out of there. It’s actually good that he pays all the rent, it means you can just go. So do it immediately. Keep talking to us.

Serin · 17/04/2019 21:09

Please dont stay another night there.
FlowersFlowersFlowers

Bluebelliphant · 17/04/2019 21:09

Just wanted to add to the chorus of please leave him! He sounds hideous and I can only imagine that you will in time be MUCH MUCH happier without him.
Good luck, you deserve every happiness xx

woolduvet · 17/04/2019 21:09

Would friends put you up for a few weeks until you save a deposit.
I've no idea on the council situation there.
But honestly just get a bag of essentials and leave. I doubt you'd go back.

Singlenotsingle · 17/04/2019 21:11

This sounds remarkably like the Rochdale and Oldham child abuse scenarios where gangs of men were abusing young girls.

LowLifeOpinions · 17/04/2019 21:16

Gosh, well done OP. You definitely need to get out of there.

Llongyfarchiadau · 17/04/2019 21:20

Please leave. The plastic sheet request sounds worrying.

snowdrop6 · 17/04/2019 21:21

Bloody hell op ..I have everything crossed for you.and I’m thinking of you

LittlePaintBox · 17/04/2019 21:21

Please leave asap. I have also had the phrase 'sex game gone wrong' in my head reading this thread.

Are you positive you have to leave your job to get free of him? Can you get some leave to sort yourself out a room that's near enough to carry on working there?

Something similar happened to a friend of mine when her marriage was breaking up. She did things her husband asked her to do 'for the sake of the marriage', but realised after a while that she was being coerced to do things she didn't enjoy and didn't want to do.

BlackPrism · 17/04/2019 21:23

I don't think you can be groomed as a normal minded 48 year old.
You can be abused and manipulated though.

RuffleCrow · 17/04/2019 21:23

Speak to your local domestic abuse charity. Then leave him, please.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 17/04/2019 21:23

I really hope you can find the courage to leave, I don't even know you but I can tell you that you're worth much more than this. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. He's shit and is dragging you down to his level. If you can, run away and leave him. Flowers
Please do the freedom programme and help yourself to get your self esteem back and realise your worth.

Samind · 17/04/2019 21:27

OP it's great you're getting clearer resolution. Is he receiving money in any way for your performances? Sounds like he has been renting you out to people!

NoSquirrels · 17/04/2019 21:35

Stay safe, OP. How and where are you MNing from? Keep your devices and username etc safe.

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 17/04/2019 21:36

Please leave

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