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Original poster

Could I Be Being Groomed At 48 ?

228 replies

WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:46

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years.
He has always had an alternative sex lifestyle.
In the beginning I was besotted with him & went along with anything he suggested. Stupid I know now on hindsight.
We partook in threesomes & looking back I was always so off my tree I joined in.
He would always berate me after - I didn’t give him enough attention during the evening...
He was the sole instigator of any meets & will spend hours cultivating conversations so we meet the ‘right’ couple.
It’s always been for me - he always maintains he gets nothing out of it but we always argue for days after a meet as I’ve failed in some way.
I came home from work today to a list of instructions on the stairs regarding how I should be dressed to come upstairs etc.
I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.
I failed & now he keeps saying I can’t follow instructions.
He has also set up a met with one of his friends this weekend without any conversation.
I’m not stupid but I’m sat here now thinking- he is actually grooming me & i’ve let myself be led for his kicks
Is this possible?

OP posts:
MachineBee · 17/04/2019 21:38

Please leave tonight and go to your sons. Tomorrow start looking for a place for yourself so you can keep your new job. m.spareroom.co.uk/ could be another place to look.

SchrodingersBrexit · 17/04/2019 21:39

Why the hell did you need to bring back a plastic sheet?! Shock

Echoing everyone else, please leave.

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 21:40

I’m in the spare room tonight.
I’ll work tomorrow then go straight to the station to my sons.
Unfortunately tomorrow is my most profitable day of the week (10 hours) so I can’t not go.
I don’t think he’s received payment for me although I pretty certain he uses me as a ‘honey pot’ for himself.
I’m in reasonable nick.
I just wonder how a housewife & mother has got herself to this point.
I feel unhealthy
I feel disgusted
He orders me to do stuff & I do it because I’m scared . Not of what he’ll do to me physically but mentally

OP posts:
BubblegumFactory · 17/04/2019 21:40

Is your son in a position to come and get you?

BlackPrism · 17/04/2019 21:40

@1wearpurple £100 a DAY 'not bad?!
I'd spend my entire months wage in less than 2 weeks....

mommybear1 · 17/04/2019 21:44

Stay strong OP and please follow through and go to your son's you deserve much much more BiscuitThanks

RubberTreePlant · 17/04/2019 21:45

That is weapons grade coercion.

Servalan · 17/04/2019 21:46

It sounds like the boiling frog analogy - put a frog in boiling water it'll jump straight out. Put a frog in warm water and boil up the water slowly, frog gets boiled along with the water.

Sounds like he's been seeing what you will tolerate and then slowly turned up the heat.

Are you safe in the spare room tonight? An abusive partner can ramp up the abuse if they see their control being challenged.

Can you get away tonight?

QueenBeex · 17/04/2019 21:46

BlackPrism £100 a week

Italiangreyhound · 17/04/2019 21:49

Please look after yourself and get free.

He is an abusive arse and you deserve so much more.

Burlea · 17/04/2019 21:50

At least you can start planning your get away.

TheClaifeCrier · 17/04/2019 21:51

Oh OP, I hope you remain safe this evening.

Catchingbentcoppers · 17/04/2019 21:51

Fucking hell. Get away from him my love. Go to work tomorrow in the knowledge that this is the start of a new positive, good life for you. Don't feel upset, feel glad. You owe him nothing, you owe yourself everything. Flowers

Burlea · 17/04/2019 21:52

Plan your get away from this way. You deserve better.

Whatisgoingonwithmylife · 17/04/2019 21:55

Google coercive control and trauma bonds.

OP, this almost happened to me too and I was a similar age.

I was completely, madly in love! He was a narcissist who couldn’t love me. The whole thing almost broke me.

Thinking of you Flowers

ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 17/04/2019 21:55

Does any of this sound familiar OP? Start running and don't look back.

Cherrysoup · 17/04/2019 21:55

Please, please get out. He is abusing you.

Meandwinealone · 17/04/2019 21:57

jesus christ this is really scary, like serial killer scary

you need to leave now
stay in a travelodge

PetrichorRain · 17/04/2019 21:58

OP, do you work with children or vulnerable adults?

NerdyBird · 17/04/2019 21:58

Can you get your important documents, clothes for work and check into a hotel tonight?

ByeClaire · 17/04/2019 22:01

Very concerning that you plan to be in the spare room, has he agreed to that? You'll leave yourself so vulnerable to him coming in during the middle of the night and giving you the 'surprise' that he 'knows you want'. Angry

Please leave the house. For good.

Taswama · 17/04/2019 22:04

Stay safe OP

Catchingbentcoppers · 17/04/2019 22:07

you need to leave now
stay in a travelodge

Actually, I agree. I think you should leave now.

AntiHop · 17/04/2019 22:09

We're all here for you op. You can do this. Get away from this abusive arsehole. You are not to blame. He manipulated you.

Persimmonn · 17/04/2019 22:10

Eew. I feel dirty reading your posts OP. Get out ASAP and don’t look back. What a hideous creature.

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