Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

My previously extremely kind boss now hates me and my son thinks he might actually be a woman. Hurt and confused at both. Solve my problems. Please.

I'm sick of customers expecting me to be a mind reader. How can I get people to just tell me the right information in the first place instead of expecting me to know everything?

Please tell me how to stop summer from arriving. I am an ice princess and despise all the light, heat and unbridled display of skin.

I hate my colleague and want to punch her repeatedly in her smug little face, either until she STFU or her glasses fall off. My co workers feel the same and would happily buy ringside seats but there's cctv EVERYWHERE.

Please help

Please help me get a job - my previous employer and everyone else in my industry is ignoring my applications for work (for which I am perfectly qualified and experienced) because I had the audacity to go and pro create.
Alternatively, please help me win the lottery

Very slow response time OP, extremely disappointed 😥 If I get arrested tomorrow, the blame lies entirely with you.

@HelmutFrontbut I've had colleagues like that, I'll provide you with an alibi

Helmut, shoot out the CCTV cameras. That's what they do in the movies. Then you can punch away.

Witch I hear you. Anything over 16 degrees makes me stabby. Let us pray for a new ice age.

Helmut you and your colleagues must go on a team building event. These generally involve activities with good murder potential and no CCTV. If you can’t wait then you’ll have to trip and stab her and make it look like an accident.

Witch you must cast a spell, or get a job in one of the many savagely air conditioned buildings that abound now. We don’t recommend work, so it would be better to just take up residence rather than get a job. Perhaps you can pose as a wise crone/strategy consultant.

Rex sell your children. It will bring in money and cancel out your procreation. Make up something more interesting to describe your career break.

plates it sounds like you need to make an example of a couple of them. Word will get round. Remember to display their heads on sticks for maximum effectiveness.

think it’s them, not you. Practice your inner shrug. And perhaps deploy an outer shrug too. Advertise your son on the FWR board, someone will educate him. Does your boss have any serious allergies? If not you may need to do the ‘trip and stab’ routine too.

Thislido you are wonderful. If we weren't both so misanthropic and anti social we could marry. I propose that we be best friends who never meet or call each other.

Hello all! Sorry was a bit delayed, I got distracted reading the "hold that gorilla" thread.

Didn't realise there were all these important issues over here! Thank heavens for thislido and Baker . Good work thisters!

ICan'tEven never forget your boss is insane just by virtue of being a manager, therefore he may well switch personalities now and again. No wonder you are confused but the answer is plain to see:

It seems to me the 'male identity' of your boss feels kindly towards you and is your friend but when he IDs as female he is then bitterly jealous of your genuine lady parts. Take no notice, it's a compliment!

Your son is very perceptive and deserves a very large Easter Egg surrounded by some satellite cream eggs to reward his intuition!

Helmut could you set up some sort of underground vigilante group and they could do things to the cctv and also be in the police to make sure you don’t get caught? We are quite good at those things. And murdering and disposing of the ‘evidence’.

Helmut I agree with CocksReg you should join the police and copy all the bad guys who 'gone rogue' in Line of Duty.

Although I can't figure out who has really 'gone rogue' and who is pretending to be bent just to work their way to the top of an OCG to nobble the gang.

In fact is John Corbett (new balaclava man) really pretending to be bent to infiltrate or has he 'gone rogue' and playing a double bluff or has he lost his mind and just a maniac now.

Which also begs the question - have I 'gone rogue', am I bent, and have I lost my mind and are a maniac now?

Witch here in Thighland we have solved the problem of the temperature always being just wrong. We have individual temperature bubbles which are controlled by making a little moue and mew and then the temperature automatically corrects. I have cut a whole over the arse of my slanket for maximum arse coolage. Our summer uniform is hospital gowns for complete and total bodily coolage via hot arse wafting.

plates clearly your customers need to stop speaking and write you a polite letter on vellum stating exactly what they want. Throat punch anyone who insists on using their words. They're taking advantage of you.

Helmut could you invite all your colleagues to a bare knuckle boxing match? Push annoying colleague into the ring and cheer her on. Not really your fault then.

Do you think there's any value in finding some blackmail material on my boss (not a tough ask to be honest), and demanding part time hours in my old job at double the original salary?

Rex for your career break say that you have been working with needy children. People love a good virtue signal.