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Original poster

Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/04/2019 15:48

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

OP posts:
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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 17/04/2019 11:21

Thislido i do think we're very well suited. I feel safe in the knowledge you'll never text, email, PM or knock on my door. Don't send flowers, I'll buy my own.

OP posts:
SecretWitch · 17/04/2019 11:59

thigh and thislido, many thanks for your valuable insights! I have come to the conclusion that I must use my children’s inheritance to move to Kazakhstan. The summer’s are cold and delightfully short. Not a sunburned man belly around...

Also, 🎼 Indiana wants me but I won’t go back there🎼

thislido · 17/04/2019 12:57

Pick carefully, Witch, those continental climates can be most unsatisfactory.

Thigh no flowers. Why would you want anyone else to get you flowers? They would only pick the wrong ones.

thislido · 17/04/2019 12:58

Someone still really wants me to go the Cutty Sark.

waxahatchee · 17/04/2019 13:28

Oh there you all are! Thanks for the nudge Dangly.
Now, anyone got any money??? I need more weapons, friendly people have approached me several times today asking for favours and such. I need to be able to eliminate them before they get too close but the chainsaw is too cumbersome and makes an awful mess.

VelociraptorRex · 17/04/2019 14:12

I'm slightly jealous of the vacuum adverts - I'm getting ads for Rolex watches, clearly I'm going to rob a bank or win the lottery, since I've just been turned down twice for my old job Angry

SecretWitch · 17/04/2019 15:10

Dang, my ads are for Bohea Tea and some type of gin that is “ intrinsically realise” WTF, does that even mean?

Clearly, I don’t rate Rollexs or Vacuums. Sad state of affairs

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 17/04/2019 15:19

Witch intrinsically realise what? Did they run out of space?!

OP posts:
SecretWitch · 17/04/2019 15:25

thigh I have a finger/brain issue. Silent Pool Gin is Intricately Realised....

VelociraptorRex · 17/04/2019 15:29

@SecretWitch I'd rather have the gin, I'd get a lot more pleasure out of that instead of a vacuum or a watch. Mind you, I can drink gin and hoover at the same time...

waxahatchee · 17/04/2019 17:00

My ads think I need a stool test ! WTF??

Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?
DogHairEverywhere · 17/04/2019 17:04

I'm off to Jersey on my ads, better than a stool sample. Hey, that could go on their "welcome to Jersey" advert.

DogHairEverywhere · 17/04/2019 17:07

Tempting to reply back to the Jersey tourist board with answers to their question. I'm willing to share my syphilis, but not my snax.

Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?
waxahatchee · 17/04/2019 17:08

Oh I got the Jersey one too Dog Grin

VelociraptorRex · 17/04/2019 17:19

Now I've got unregulated bridging loans - curious to know what the algorithms are that got there from robbing banks Hmm

DanglyTassles · 17/04/2019 17:20

I've come home to put my feet up and the ads are trying to flog me 'luxury water' ??? Is there something I'm not aware of?

I thought I could just switch on any old tap and hey water which is same as other water but now apparently I need 'luxury water'!

HEY THIS IS IT!!! We will make money to fund the sitting on our arses by selling water as 'luxury water' !!! We can sell piss too as 'luxury piss' and maybe do a line in 'luxury air' ?? What do you say thisters are you in? Requires no investment just some empty containers, we should have loads between us with all the mass consumption that goes on in Thighland.

This time next year we'll be millionaires!

VelociraptorRex · 17/04/2019 17:28

Ohhhh I want luxury water!! There's definitely a niche in the market there @DanglyTassles, the possibilities are endless...

DogHairEverywhere · 17/04/2019 17:49

I could add in luxury pubic hair and luxury dandruff.

DogHairEverywhere · 17/04/2019 17:50

I'm not quite sure what the USP of those items are, but I'm sure we could come up with a suitable strap line.

SecretWitch · 17/04/2019 18:04

@VelociraptorRex, feel free to pop by and Hoover at my house at will. I have no gin but we could get hopped up on Vermouth someone left here 10 New Years go..

SecretWitch · 17/04/2019 18:08

Boy, you all have some exciting adverts! Rolex’s! Luxury Water! Steam Mops! I still have Bohea Tea, Gin and now a product to alleviate my dark spots..I feel like my advertisers really don’t know me at all..

DanglyTassles · 17/04/2019 18:11

"Luxury Pubes - a touch of southerly class for the woman of discernment!"

"Luxury Dandruff - this is not just dandruff, this is Thigh's Dandruff"

Dog we are doing this!!

VelociraptorRex · 17/04/2019 18:39

@SecretWitch you're on - I'll bring the gin and we can make martinis Grin no guarantee of how much actual hoovering will happen though...

VelociraptorRex · 17/04/2019 18:39

And I'm now looking at jewellery adverts for some reason. I want the luxury water advert!

DanglyTassles · 17/04/2019 18:57

Rex I hope you get the lux water ad! It's both ridiculous and inspiring at the same time!