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Original poster

Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 15/04/2019 15:48

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 20:33

Burner you probs need a do over. Hunt this slag down and shag him again to cleanse your soul. I know you don't want to, nobody wants to drink threadworm medicine but sometimes we just have to do unpleasant things.

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DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 20:34

Burner well it's clear to me you have two choices:

  1. You could get over your objections and just shag him again

  2. Shag someone else with the lights out and pretend it's him. They all look the same in the dark!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 20:35

My ad is now offering me a personal legal defence team at my fingertips 24/7. OK, noting number.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 20:36

Lol DT you've truly morphed.

I smell terrific, i wonder what it is, soap?

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Emilu89 · 16/04/2019 20:37

Reluctantly sold our house and cant find anywhere to go. Anxiety is through the roof. One side of the family are pressuring us to find somewhere quickly and the other side are telling us to make sure we dont rush into somewhere if were not 100%. We are grown adults and yet our families are having such an input! Arghhh!

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 21:00

Why thank you thigh

Do you think it's poo you smell?
Is this because you are not well?
Or for that will i go to hell?

Oh look! A thoem!!

My ad is for a cordless G-tech Vac! As if dh needs a new vacuum, he's happy with his vintage Hoover Junior from '63 that he inherited some 20 years ago.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 21:09

Well I'm now being offered Clarkes children's shoes. Someone is jealous of my spherical feet and erotic lotus flower walk.

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DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 21:16

Spooky!! - I just got an ad that said 'Am I worried about dark spots?' So I thought 'No' (obviously for two reasons, one is that dark spots are not one of my many afflictions and the other is that if I did have them it would only serve to enhance my hag status). Then it said 'No' !!!

It's able to read my mind thigh !! Shock Even I can't do that!!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 21:30

DT I'm being offered a Shark Handhelds Vacuum now. I'd be more interested if they offered me a shark.

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DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 21:32

I wonder why you get offered Shark and I get Gtech?

They obviously know we need to clean our houses and are a bit disgusted with us because they can smell us from there, but why the brand variation?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 21:39

Dyson now, moving up in the world

Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?
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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 21:43

Emi use your house money to stay in a 5 Star hotel until the money runs out. Just have a right laugh, by yourself, and leave the rest of your family to suffer. You've given enough of yourself.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 21:47

Do you think we're becoming lazier DT? We've had a fair few new applicants but they drift off. Are our recruitment skillz waning? We used to try but now we solve problems in our sleep whilst reading ads.

Ooh, cordless handheld!

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2018SoFarSoGreat · 16/04/2019 21:59

I have not drifted off, no sirree bob. I am planning how to spend my week off appreciating ME. It will not involve any sharks, cordless or otherwise.

I feel so much better now that I have been officially Thighed

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 22:00

Errrm well maybe we are a little bit ad focussed sometimes.

Especially the vacuum ads! I think they just offend our sensibilities!

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 22:06

Hello Great I'm glad you haven't gone!

You'll love it so much in Thighland you'll never want to go back! Do you have a slanket? If not you could order one from Amazon Prime for delivery tomorrow ... just one more day roughing it in a robe!

Have you got a cupboard stocked full of malnutricious snax? If not order from Asda for delivery tomorrow too! Never cook or wash up again. Just eat Monster Munch off the floor! It's a wonderful lifestyle!

2018SoFarSoGreat · 16/04/2019 22:14

I admit to being poorly equipped. But, what I lack in Thighland impedimenta I more than make up for in enthusiasm and Amazon Prime so shall report back once I can blend into the woodwork.

I'm hoping by that time my ads shall get more exciting that Tigi Bed Head and Cascade. How the hell am I to get bedhead if I'm cascading?

Even the ads are failing me in the Land of The Orange Man

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 22:17

Has anyone spotted Project ? Did she get lost at sea during the thread change? Where is she?

@ProjectGainsborough hurry up! You won't be getting quality hoover ads until you get over here y'no!!

@waxahatchee where the hecking hell are you?

@MrsCatE and @LadAlive can you all come on home, we miss you!!

Is anyone else not transitioned yet? I've spotted CarolinePooter I know she's safe!

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 22:21

Great you are doing very well if the ads are failing you! This happens to us daily, if not hourly, if not secondly!

My ad currently thinks I want some wanky tea infusions from around the world! NO I want PG Tips or Tetley and that's it. Hmm

This is the thing with the ads, they just don't 'get' us! Why don"t they do a BOGOF on pissy slankets?

Howlongtillbedtime · 16/04/2019 22:27

All of the teens gather in my house / garden . I stupidly thought this was a good idea when they were 9/10 but fucking hell they are noisy and messy and really hungry!!!!

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 22:27

@DogHairEverywhere come on, we are here!! Please do not forsake us for Style and Beauty or Housekeeping? Or are you in AIBU?

I miss you! I still have the lovely chair you got me last thread!

ICantBelieveIDidThis · 16/04/2019 22:29

I've been turned down for the job I am currently zero hours tempting at.

The job would have been a minimum of 20 hours per week, but would require 'as and when' availability.

As I have evening classes, I had to say I needed one day off a week.

That was a big no no apparently, even though that's what I'm currently doing now.

Currently working anywhere from zero hours to 40 hours a week, but usually around 15 hours per week.

I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. There's too little money and it's too unpredictable. I need hours I can count on.

They have appointed one person (two posts) and they're still advertising for one post. That smarts.

There will be fewer hours available for me to work, but they're expecting me to carry on as zero hours.

I have just submitted an application for a 25 hour per week job closer to home.

I can't get an interview for the job I really, really want and I'm just scrabbling around for anything I can do.

I'm just sick of it all at the moment.

DanglyTassles · 16/04/2019 22:30

Howlong welcome! This is easy to solve!

Check into a 5* hotel on the double and tonight raid the mini-bar. Have a long leisurely breakfast in the morning and then live there forever, having spa days and a la carte meals.

If you haven't enough money steal it! It's important to relax and you are worth it!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 16/04/2019 22:31

Tyres?! Fuck off fat shamers, nobody will harbour your sort here.

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Howlongtillbedtime · 16/04/2019 22:33

Thanks dangly So the lottery is my last hope of a same life then ?

They are all lovely but my God the snacks! The rubbish! The broken stuff!

There is always booze ..........