I would like to help you, don't be afraid

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I'm unfettered by either knowledge or training. Please step inside my friendly advice clinic staffed with a team of kindly agony aunts.

Isn’t it a princess riding a unicorn that has collapsed in an unfortunate way?

I just wore a bra which seems strange unless you imagine taking it off so as not to appear strange. Then it's really strange. The birthing dress would have saved me from that strangeness. It's gorgeous.

Summer you'll be a vision in yours!

You even have a pretty name!

But it's always sweltering in hospital.

Full body paint?

I love that you tried to be decent Summer.

Full body paint birthing sounds like it would work well

You could be a leopard or anything. Or a lion king mother!

Would you paint clothes onto your body then?

I could stay in my jeans then but still be naked!

Not that I'll ever do that again!!

They never tell you this in NCT Classes.

dangly Don't jinx it!

Some weirdo already did it

I have no idea what she is meant to be, is it a shoe?

A sea creature??

This one has no hope

Alien!

I thought my dress was for when one fanny just won't do.

Deary me, that poor blue preggo looks like she's going to explode, are her tits weaponised?

Good Lord, I was joking about the body paint!!

With all our talk of fannies and piss do you think there's some poor sod tugging away and pulling his pud over a slice of Mother's Pride? Preparing himself a jizz sandwich.

Well he can crack on with it then thigh , saves one of us from having to shag him!

I don't think they really need Mumsnet, thigh

This is why i never eat pre-prepared sandwiches. I feel uncomfortable about the sandwich spread unless I can watch it being made.

I'm also a bit wary about pre-cooked chicken, if i worked with cooked chicken i really don't think i would trust myself not to wipe my arse on it

Ditto coleslaw.