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Original poster

Keeping dc home when I'm sick

213 replies

Woolywalrus · 21/03/2019 09:39

I don't send my dc to nursery or school when I'm sick as I can't pick them up at the end of the day. I wasn't able to leave my bed and this has happened just a few times over the last few years, probably 1-2 times a year for a day or 2 if you average it out. So not too often.

Normally Dh drops them off in the morning and I pick them up after work from aftercare as he works too late.

So if I'm too sick I keep them home. The eldest organises food for them and they just watch TV quietly.

My friend was shocked to hear I do this but she has her parents close by to help out so has that option for help.

So is this unreasonable and do other parents not do this? I'm sure lots do if they have no family or close friends to help.

Also my dc pretty healthy and don't have much time off school. The eldest has not had time off sick for a couple of years now. We also don't go away on holidays during term time.

OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 21/03/2019 09:42

I would if I had d&v or other really incapacitating illness. Single mum here, no family help. I don't know anyone near me with kids at the school, and as my 2 are yr1 and nursery, I haven't got to know any other parents still.
I would however ask the school if they could help before though.

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2019 09:45

I don't think it is reasonable really and I don't think many other parents will do this.

Do you have a disability or illness? I don't think most people are bed ridden a few days a year tbh. Sick, of course, but well enough to drag yourself out to do school pick-up. I suppose it depends on the journey though.

In these circumstances I would ask someone from school to drop the DC home. Do you not have anyone who could do you a favour? Could DH not work from home? A neighbour? Get an Uber?!

I think keeping the older children off is an absolute last resort. Nursery age or younger, obviously fine.

Foodylicious · 21/03/2019 09:47

It must be something pretty awful to be so debilitated?

If you are too ill to leave the house then you are too Ill to leave the house.

If you expect this to happen again though, is there no one you can arrange to do pick up?

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Invisimamma · 21/03/2019 09:48

Nope. I'd get friends to take they to/from school and nursery. Or dp would arrange to leave work early and pick them up (no easy as he is NHS).

Sexnotgender · 21/03/2019 09:49

Depends what’s wrong with you really.

Invisimamma · 21/03/2019 09:49

Actually last week I got home from surgery in hospital at 9pm and still managed to take children to school the next morning (although do got them ready).

Foodylicious · 21/03/2019 09:50

It's quite a bit if responsibility to put on the older one too if they have an under 4yr old to look after until dad gets home late.

Or are you able to get up and fix tea, do bedtime etc?

Seeline · 21/03/2019 09:51

That's really not fair on the children!
And surely it counts as unauthorised absence?
Do you really not know anyone at the school who could drop them home? Contact the school to see if they can arrange something if your partner really can't get back in time to collect them.
How far from school are you and how old are the DCs?

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 09:51

Presumably the friend offered I do the school run for you?

MakeLemonade · 21/03/2019 09:51

Never done this as even when sick I’ve always been well enough to do school run. What type of illnesses are keeping you bed bound for a couple of days?

I don’t think it’s plan a bit if you literally can’t get out of bed then you don’t have much choice. Can DH not step up and leave work early?

AgentProvocateur · 21/03/2019 09:52

If you have something that makes you bedridden a couple of times a year, you need to have a contingency plan to get the DC home from school - eg, another parent or a taxi. It’s not on for them to stay at home because you’re ill.

Moominmagic · 21/03/2019 09:52

Nursery is fine to skip but by the time they're school age I would ask a parent friend to help. If you have no family support then try to build up a network of good school parents to be able to help each other out in times like this.

MarvinMarvinson · 21/03/2019 09:52

Where is the eldest's school? On the face of it it seems strange to say the eldest is responsible enough to be taking sole charge of a young sibling but not responsible enough to get themselves to school. If you are too ill to pick them up, are you not too ill to look after them?!

Nicknacky · 21/03/2019 09:54

I was bed bound last year with flu and it didn’t occur to me to keep them home. I had to call in favours with school mums, h had to step in and I used my childminder more than normal.

I think if you have a condition which is stopping you taking them to school even if only for a day or two then you need to start working out a contingency. It’s not fair in your kids.

Morgan12 · 21/03/2019 09:59

I would drag myself on the school run so I could rest the full day. But my children would never just sit and watch tv quietly and I also live very close to the school.

INeedNewShoes · 21/03/2019 10:02

I would ask a friend or neighbour to pick them up.

It would be far better for them (and for you!) for them to go to school.

I don't really think it's acceptable for them to miss a day's education if they're well enough to go.

Nursery is different but I'd probably still try to find someone to take my DD to nursery as she'd be better off there being entertained and cared for than by me if I'm so ill as to not be able to leave the house.

Hollowvictory · 21/03/2019 10:04

Nursery is fine but they still have to go to school.

BritInUS1 · 21/03/2019 10:09

YABU surely you not so I’ll you can’t pop along and pick them up

troppibambini · 21/03/2019 10:10

If I was seriously so ill I couldn't leave my bed and had no help I would put something on the class WhatsApp group asking for help. I would do it in a heartbeat for another parent, would this not be an option?
A couple of times a year is a lot unless you have on going issues.
Dh runs his own business and sometimes parents have to leave to pick up children, either child is ill or partner is these things happen is there no way your dp could pick them up?
I've also known ill parents to drive the kids in their pjs and office staff coming and taking the kids from from them.
They really shouldn't be missing days due to your illness.

Theunreasonableone · 21/03/2019 10:11

YABU sorry and I know it's shit but you need to pull yourself together and either collect your kids from school or make arrangements for someone else to do it. Your children can't be missing out on schooling because you are unwell.

I've had to collect my DDs when I've had pneumonia, if I couldn't arrange for someone else to do it. Just before Christmas one of the mums had flu and asked me and another mum to take it in turns to collect her DC from school. There are ways of seeking help.

Original poster
Woolywalrus · 21/03/2019 10:30

No I'm too ill to leave the bed, otherwise I would drag myself out, of course I would!

They are good dc and they understand that I can't move so they behave themselves fortunately.

I do have a few ongoing health issues which are usually well managed. The last time this happened though was a couple of weeks ago which is why it came up in conversation.

If it ever become more than 2 days dh would take time off and we would obviously have to sort out something. But since I'm usually ok by the second day and can move around enough we have never really thought more about it. I would say we are quite private people and independent so that is why I wouldn't like to ask for favours. And we depend on Dh's work a lot financially so don't want to jeopardise his work needlessly but having him take time off straight away. We do have past history with this also as I had cancer several years ago and both I and Dh had time off obviously as the dc were young and I was ill and we all suffered financially as well.

Also when I'm not well I don't think very well and just have resorted to this as the easiest option, requiring least thought and effort.

OP posts:
daisypond · 21/03/2019 10:33

They still need to go to school.

PointlessUsername · 21/03/2019 10:34

What sort of illness?.

I would take dc in and have the time to rest inbetween pick up and drop off personally

Seeline · 21/03/2019 10:35

How old are the DC?
How far from school are you?
How far away is your partner?

NorthEndGal · 21/03/2019 10:35

I'd worry that of you are so I'll you can not physically get out of bed, then you aren't really fit to look after the kids either.
I'd send them to school/nursery and pay a babysitter to pick them up