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Original poster

Keeping dc home when I'm sick

213 replies

Woolywalrus · 21/03/2019 09:39

I don't send my dc to nursery or school when I'm sick as I can't pick them up at the end of the day. I wasn't able to leave my bed and this has happened just a few times over the last few years, probably 1-2 times a year for a day or 2 if you average it out. So not too often.

Normally Dh drops them off in the morning and I pick them up after work from aftercare as he works too late.

So if I'm too sick I keep them home. The eldest organises food for them and they just watch TV quietly.

My friend was shocked to hear I do this but she has her parents close by to help out so has that option for help.

So is this unreasonable and do other parents not do this? I'm sure lots do if they have no family or close friends to help.

Also my dc pretty healthy and don't have much time off school. The eldest has not had time off sick for a couple of years now. We also don't go away on holidays during term time.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2019 10:37

It's one of those things where, you could do better, you should make sure they get to school, you should swallow your pride re. being independent and ask a favour.

BUT

Is it a massive problem? Are they going to fail their GCSE's? Will their lives be ruined?

No. On the grand scale of things does it really, really matter? I don't think so.

What do you tell the school? The truth? Or do you say the kids are ill?

GreysMad · 21/03/2019 10:38

I did this last week - had horrendous back pain and could barely walk, DP had already left for work so I had no choice but to keep DS at home as I literally couldn't even walk downstairs so no way I could get him to nursery. Had a really difficult day in itself having him at home but that was preferable to trying to walk 20 minutes to and from nursery twice a day.

I think as a one off it's fine, actually I kept my DS off nursery for a day when it snowed because I flat out refuse to go out in snow and again DP had already gone!

Other than those two occasions DS never misses nursery (except the odd sickness day but not had one of those in months) so I really don't see the bother, it's only nursery - I would try to make alternative arrangements for school though but like you I'm pretty much alone unless DP can rearrange his day as both my parents work and his live too far away.

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2019 10:39

It may become more of an issue as they get older, but presumably they will be able to take themselves to school by then?

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Families
CluedoAddict · 21/03/2019 10:40

There is never a reason to keep them off if you are ill.

SwimmingKaren · 21/03/2019 10:41

I’ve never been so ill I couldn’t drag myself on a 15 min school run (certainly not once or twice a year) but your journey / health might be different to mine. Are you safe to be looking after children all day if you’re that incapacitated? Surely easier for you if they were in school then you could rest and build up throughout the day to picking them up or ask dh to leave work early in order to pick they up? Unless it’s absolutely unavoidable I think it’s a bit much to keep everybody off with you.

babysharkah · 21/03/2019 10:41

Being independent isn't enough a reason to keep them off school.

Stompythedinosaur · 21/03/2019 10:42

I would say if you physically cannot get out of bed then you can't be ok to look after children. I think that it is important for children to go to school, and not fair on your eldest to be responsible for your youngest all day.

If you are that seriously ill then I would say your dh needs to take time off to care for the children. But it seems unusual that you would be so ill twice a year.

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 10:44

“There is never a reason to keep them off if you are ill.”
Well, obviously, there is. If you can’t get your children to school and you have nobody to do it for you of course you have to keep them off.

Jackshouse · 21/03/2019 10:45

If a child told me they were missing school because their parent was ill and they had to look after a young child then I would be passing it on the safe guarding team.

ARandomPoster · 21/03/2019 10:46

Whenever I hear that my one of my friends is ill, or housebound due to another child's illness I would always offer to collect their other children and take to school. As my friend do for me.

Surely there is someone who passes near your house every day, or a friend who would make a longer journey to collect your children?

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/03/2019 10:48

No absolutely not and I say that as someone who is disabled and occasionally bedbound.
Your dh needs to make arrangements to leave work early.
I can’t believe you can’t see how wrong this is?

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/03/2019 10:49

Actually on one occasion two teachers brought my dd home when my dh was working too far away and I could not get to the school.

CrabbitCrone · 21/03/2019 10:51

This reply has been withdrawn

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CluedoAddict · 21/03/2019 10:53

If you spoke to the head teacher in confidence they may be able to arrange something. It's not fair on the children that they are losing their education. Do you lie when you ring in and say the children are sick?

NerrSnerr · 21/03/2019 10:55

Do you have a class Facebook or WhatsApp group you could ask if someone could pick up. I'm very independent and hate asking for help but sometimes needs must. I wouldn't want my children to miss school because I'm too proud to ask someone to pick them up!!

Sirzy · 21/03/2019 10:56

If your too ill to get out of bed then you need to get childcare. You can’t just leave young children to fend for themselves

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 21/03/2019 10:56

I think if this is a situation that comes up semi regularly then the best thing to do would be to chat to the school when you’re well, and try to have a contingency plan in place for when you’re not. I say that as someone with a chronic illness / disability myself, so I do understand what it’s like to be unable to think too clearly in the midst of a flare up.

StarlingsEverywhere · 21/03/2019 10:58

Your DH needs to leave work early to pick them up, in this case. It’s not fair on the children to miss school because you’re unwell. If it’s only a couple of times a year, he’s not going to lose his job over it.

Saladd0dger · 21/03/2019 10:58

Iv done it once before when I had really bad d&v. I tried getting someone else to take dc to school and collect but had no luck. Any other time I’ve taken them.

motheroftinydragons · 21/03/2019 10:59

If it were a one off I don't think it's the end of the world although I would be concerned about leaving young kids the fend for themselves. I'd get my mum or MIL over but I appreciate not everyone has help on hand.

As in ongoing repeated issue, no way sorry. You need to make other arrangements OP, it's not fair on your children to miss school or have to look after themselves.

Appreciate that your partner has to work but there are two parents in the picture, if the primary caregiver is down the other has to step up or make arrange other childcare.

NuffSaidSam · 21/03/2019 11:00

'Everyone on mumsnet seems to have friends who can do the school run for them. IRL not everybody has a friend to call on. I certainly don't.'

Is that because you haven't asked/made an effort? Or because your DC are in a class with 29 children whose parents are awful?

I don't think any of us turned up on the first day in reception and somebody said 'Hi, I'm Caroline I'll take your kids to school when you're ill'. You have to make an effort to cultivate the situation where you can ask other parents for a favour.

Frangipane · 21/03/2019 11:03

No, I'm sorry, I don't think that is appropriate. In your situation, I was fortunate in that my children could walk home themselves. In fact, they always walked to school together without me, and I always picked them up, but if I was too ill to move, I would tell them to walk home together. They were sensible, the walk was short and safe. If it hadn't been, I would have had to think laterally - ask a parent walking the same way to see them home, tell dh he had to work from home or a half day, employed a childminder as a one off (maybe not so easy to arrange but i did know a few socially so that might have worked). Are you sure there really isn't another option? Apart from anything, I would think it was far more beneficial to your recovery if you had an empty house to rest in for 6-7 hours a day.

Callistone · 21/03/2019 11:03

Yes, it's not the end of the world but... It's not too great either. Especially once they are in school.

Do you really not know any school mums or have a class FB or WhatsApp group where you can ask for a favour?

Theunreasonableone · 21/03/2019 11:03

Everyone on mumsnet seems to have friends who can do the school run for them. IRL not everybody has a friend to call on. I certainly don't.

I'm not native to the area I live in. The parents I have met I have met purely by my child being at the same class as their child. We don't socialise. However we have a class WhatApp group and I'm not too proud or independent to call on someone if I have an emergency such as if I'm really Ill or DH and I are stuck at work and can't get to the school. That is called being a responsible adult and having a contingency plan.

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 11:06

“'Everyone on mumsnet seems to have friends who can do the school run for them. IRL not everybody has a friend to call on. I certainly don't.“

Do your children’s friends not have parents?

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