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Original poster

Keeping dc home when I'm sick

213 replies

Woolywalrus · 21/03/2019 09:39

I don't send my dc to nursery or school when I'm sick as I can't pick them up at the end of the day. I wasn't able to leave my bed and this has happened just a few times over the last few years, probably 1-2 times a year for a day or 2 if you average it out. So not too often.

Normally Dh drops them off in the morning and I pick them up after work from aftercare as he works too late.

So if I'm too sick I keep them home. The eldest organises food for them and they just watch TV quietly.

My friend was shocked to hear I do this but she has her parents close by to help out so has that option for help.

So is this unreasonable and do other parents not do this? I'm sure lots do if they have no family or close friends to help.

Also my dc pretty healthy and don't have much time off school. The eldest has not had time off sick for a couple of years now. We also don't go away on holidays during term time.

OP posts:
ChoccyBiccyTastic · 21/03/2019 11:06

I'm pretty sure anyone could get caught out with terrible D&V and not be able to arrange cover once.

You need to arrange a contingency if you know it will happen a couple of times a year, every year.

Nousernameforme · 21/03/2019 11:06

Speak to the school there maybe an after school club they could fit them in for the 2 days. And dp would have to leave early in order to pick them up. Your day would then be easier to deal with as well as you wouldn't have to worry about your children being unsupervised.
Unless you are relying on your child to take care of you. How are you managing for food drinks the loo etc in those days

Travellinghappy · 21/03/2019 11:11

If you're that ill a couple of times a year I'd be worried about your general health. It's not something that happens for the vast majority of people and being too ill to get out of bed is very worrying tbh.
I had no help with school runs and was never so ill that I couldn't get them to school, the single time in 15 years when I would possibly have been too ill to drive was when I had flu and that was school holidays.

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CrabbitCrone · 21/03/2019 11:12

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KrispyKremes · 21/03/2019 11:14

Am I the only person who has only been "too ill to leave the bed" once in my life?

Is that really an annual thing?

Sure I've had D&V but then I'm stuck in the bathroom, not bed. And would either get DH to drop DD or ask a mum from class. I find it very unusual (and sad for you) that by the second half of Y1 there's no one you can ask to take your child to/from school?

Nicknacky · 21/03/2019 11:16

Crabbit Well, I would say your situation is very unusual if you have no family, no friends and your kids don’t have friends either.

KrispyKremes · 21/03/2019 11:18

Also - if I was feeling that ill then that's all the more reason to get them to school, then I could have 5 hours to myself napping etc.

I'd feel like I was neglecting DC if I were in bed all day and couldn't feed/help them.

Basically once you're a parent you can't be ill. Even when I had D&B last year I had to cook DC food while gagging at the smell. That's just parenting.....(they'd already had it, if they hadn't I'd have given food I didn't have to touch)

SleepingStandingUp · 21/03/2019 11:21

Do your children’s friends not have parents? we live 20 minutes walk from school. I wouldn't expect someone to walk mine and there kids 20 minutes out to mine then 20 minutes back to theirs, or to keep mine till nearly bedtime do Dad can get them

However OP how old are the kids? If you aren't well enough to look after them, they need and adult caring for them. So school then DH finish early would be the best options

Verbena37 · 21/03/2019 11:23

Whilst it’s not great a school aged child missing school due to a parent being ill, to all the people saying ‘you’re never too ill to take them to school’, you’ve obviously never had proper flu.

I’ve only had flu twice and both of those times, I could not physically move, let alone get out of bed. However, I had my mum to call on.

The OP doesn’t have people she can call on and if it’s only a max of twice annually, then, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not going to mess up their education. If the school isn’t too far away, I’m sure the staff would find someone to pick up the school age DC.

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 11:24

I don’t think I’ve ever been too ill to leave my bed. I’ve been ill enough not to want to, and to want to get back to bed ASAP after doing the school run or whatever. Maybe i’m jusr lucky?

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 11:25

But I would be worried about somebody who had been at a school for more than a year whi didn’t have anyone they could call on in an emergency and whose children had no friends.....

Quartz2208 · 21/03/2019 11:26

Yes I am surprised that you dont know a single parent of a school friend of your childrens to collect and take home

I collect and take children of both of mine to and from places if help is needed. If you live near the school it is not going to have someone take that much time out. It happens all the time at our school

The other side to this is you are in effect making the eldest the carer as well

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 11:27

“we live 20 minutes walk from school. I wouldn't expect someone to walk mine and there kids 20 minutes out to mine then 20 minutes back to theirs, or to keep mine till nearly bedtime do Dad can get them”

Well no, but I would ask someone to use their car for once.....

NannyRed · 21/03/2019 11:27

I think you’re in the wrong. Your child’s education should be worth more to you than that.

Sometimes parts of being a parent are horrible, but feeling ill is not a good enough excuse to not send your children to school.

Are you seriously saying that you felt to sick to walk to school and back two or three times a year? Are you seriously saying you aren’t even friendly enough with one parent who could bring your children home? Or that your husband couldn’t do the afternoon run?

Let them go to school rather than expecting them to watch tv all day and babysit their siblings! At least whilst they are at school you can get some quality rest.

Sorry op, you sound lazy.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/03/2019 11:28

So sorry OP it must be very hard but I dont think its right.

How old are your children? Surely your husband could leave work early for one day to pick them up- make up the time somewhere if literally no one else can help with the school run.

gnushoes · 21/03/2019 11:29

Regardless of being "private people" we all need connections with others to help and support each other. When you're well, it would be a sensible idea to connect a little more with the parents of your DCs friends and get a bit more of a community and support network.

StarlingsEverywhere · 21/03/2019 11:29

Depending on the children’s age, unless you have spare high backed booster, you couldn’t really take another child home if you need to drive.

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 11:30

I’m not bothered about kids missing a couple of days of school. Mine occasionally missed sxho because it was a lovely day and my car accidentally drove to the beach instead of school. But I am bothered about someone having no friends and no back up.

cinnabunbun · 21/03/2019 11:31

I'd judge school age and nursery differently for this. It's miserable trying to parent a nursery age child all day if you a feeling really ill so I'm sure you'd only do this if you really had no option. (Speaking as someone who literally shat myself walking down the street on the way home from the nursery drop off once. At least I was was able to really crash out for 8 hours before picking up again)

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2019 11:31

And I think I’m also a bit bothered about young children being at home all day with a mother too ill to get out of bed. Wouldn’t that be incredibly worrying for them?

Stargazer888 · 21/03/2019 11:32

I've never done this. I've had major surgery and still got up and took them to school. If you can't look after them at home why would you keep them there? If the oldest is old enough to look after the youngest why can't they walk to school? I don't really get your point about privacy. Your kids need help, you should be asking on their behalf. You clearly have one friend at the school ask her to help.

Roomba · 21/03/2019 11:32

I haven't done this as I'd far rather my kids were in school/nursery and I could rest. If I'm not fit to get them there I'm really not fit to care for them all day. Only a couple of times in the last 8.5 years have I been so ill I couldn't drag myself out of the door and onto a bus if I really couldn't walk or drive my kids. I remember once having to get off a bus to throw up, then get back on the next one, and a few occasions where I've had to walk very slowly and been late in.

When I was bedbound I phoned a mother of DS's classmate (he'd been to a birthday party years before and I still had her number) to ask if she knew any other parents who lived near us. Luckily she did and her friend agreed to take DS1 and bring him home later. I'd never spoken to her before but that was better than DS missing school imo. And DS made a new friend in another class. The other occasion a colleague I know well actually offered to drive DS in for me when I rang in sick.

StarlingsEverywhere · 21/03/2019 11:33

Why are people doubting that OP is too sick to get out of bed? She’s said she has several health conditions. I still think her DH needs to step up though.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 21/03/2019 11:35

Once. When my eldest was in reception (now y4). I was heavily pregnant & had a really awful d&v bug, as did her 2 younger siblings & dh was working away. I was honest when I called school & they were fine with it because the chances were she was already infectious anyway (she actually did come down with it after bed that night).

I’ve just had flu & pleurisy (both diagnosed by the gp), dh was able to take them in for me but couldn’t collect them, we don’t have anyone else we can ask, so I had to. School & nursery let me get them 5 minutes early so I didn’t have to wait around with all the other parents (& possibly infect them). I’d had enough time to take tablets & feel half human by 3pm each day, although did have to have a good long sit down when I got home. I don’t think I’d have wanted them all home with me on my own while feeling so poorly tbh, it was hard enough trying to keep dc5 (& dc4 when not at nursery) entertained, fed & watered, never mind all 5 of them.

I think if it’s happening once or twice a year you need to come up with a back up plan or force yourself to go & get them.

Fattymcfaterson · 21/03/2019 11:36

Tbh if i couldnt physically move to get out of bed id probably call an ambulance.
As it was, when mine were small and i was a single parent, it was a fact of having to get out of bed to feed and supervise small toddlers.
When you dont have a choice you just have to suck it up really.