Keeping dc home when I'm sick

[Woolywalrus]

I don't send my dc to nursery or school when I'm sick as I can't pick them up at the end of the day. I wasn't able to leave my bed and this has happened just a few times over the last few years, probably 1-2 times a year for a day or 2 if you average it out. So not too often.

Normally Dh drops them off in the morning and I pick them up after work from aftercare as he works too late.

So if I'm too sick I keep them home. The eldest organises food for them and they just watch TV quietly.

My friend was shocked to hear I do this but she has her parents close by to help out so has that option for help.

So is this unreasonable and do other parents not do this? I'm sure lots do if they have no family or close friends to help.

Also my dc pretty healthy and don't have much time off school. The eldest has not had time off sick for a couple of years now. We also don't go away on holidays during term time.

Just to add before I go, if someone asked me to drop off their dc I wouldn't be able to. We drive and car seats would be an problem. This would be another reason I wouldn't like to ask a school friend, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate.

How old is school child.

Yabu . I get you are too ill to take them but assuming they are nursery and infants ( due to car seats. ) far too young to be responsible for sibling for the day.

Dh should finish work early or you should ask.

I am a Lp so have had to build those bridges.

Does your child never have play dates?

It doesn't have to be a like for like reciprocation. I have a friend who picks up for me sometimes. Due to her circumstances I never have to do the same for her but I do look after her sometimes and I offer to take her to parties. Or just buy a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine to say thanks.

That doesn’t answer the worrying situation for me that you’re so so unwell and you’re leaving a 6 or 7 (two years ago - 8 now) in charge of babies and toddlers.

for you OP.

You are doing the best you can. There is support available for young carers, maybe contact them for support for your dd. At 8 it won't hurt her to miss the odd day. It's better if she doesn't but many dcs miss weeks at a time for holidays etc.

I would speak to school, there may be something they can help with, a childminder or another parent who would happily help you out when you are ill. In a few years your dd will be able to make her own way to school and maybe help with the younger ones.

If I were a mum at your school and you needed some help I would happily do the odd pick up or drop off, even if I didn't know you very well and wouldn't expect anything in return. We all just do the best we can and sometimes everyone needs a bit of help.

You and your dh need to come up with a proper plan moving forward, keeping them off when you're sick is not acceptable. As a last resort your dh should be dropping off and then leaving work to pick up. you might be able to get a spot at after school or breakfast club in the day. How old are they? Could you not pay for a taxi? There are taxi companies that have drivers who are all DBS checked and who do home to school transport.

It's not reasonable for kids to miss school because you are ill, your dh should make arrangements to leave work early or you need to have an arrangement with another parent, failing that speak to a local taxi firm about a dbs checked taxi driver (they contract to schools regularly). Dragging yourself out of bed to collect them is the only other option

I think it's absolutely fine as a one off. But if it's likely to happen again maybe befriend some other parents and they can help you if it happens again.

Hope you feel better soon

We don't have any class WhatsApp or FB group at all but once DD had a temperature and I messaged a mum who'd invited DS to a party once that walks near our house and she stopped off for DS.
DH came home early to pick her up.
If your eldest is not old enough to get to school on their own they aren't old enough to look after your other children.

I don't think it's fine even as a one off frankly.

A lot of parents will help out another parent if asked, most people have sufficient levels of empathy that they can understand what it would be like to be in your situation. But if you don't say anything, how will anyone know? I absolutely would offer to collect a child and bring him/her home (or to my house for a couple of hours if that helped) if a parent was totally incapacitated in the way you are.

Could you ask school staff if they can ask around to find willing parents who will lend a hand when you need it? I understand it's difficult when you aren't extrovert or comfortable asking for favours, but your children's welfare takes priority over your finer feelings, sorry but that's the way it is. They shouldn't miss out on schooling and they're not safe to be alone for so long.

I hope you can come up with a solution, there really are quite a few options that posters have suggested

But the OP seems completely unwilling to find an alternative solution. They are ‘private and independent’ so won’t ask anyone for help and don’t want to reciprocate any offers of help. So the DC stay at home.

You could speak to the school, parents will (at our school at least) drop their own car seat off to enable someone to take their child to school. However the OP and her DH doesn’t seem to want to do any of this. Easier to keep them at home than try and work something else out.

Yes my child’s nursery offered to drop him home for me after I’d had surgery if left the car seat for them. Fortunately we were in a position where DH and my parents were able to do the drop off instead, but the offer was there and I didn’t even ask.