I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

No one can say we achieve nothing. We've sorted out Project's career between us.

But....are we entering into dangerous territory here. Is this reverse reverse improvement?

It seems like too much fun for rever reverse improvement

Although all this pole dancing sounds quite energetic.

I’m not sure anything will beat ‘I’ve been jizzing in your sandwiches for years, although we could go cryptic.

‘I had to go before they found me. Don’t look for me, but when the thrush flies at midnight I will stand outside your house and scream your name.

All the best
Project’

I think its fine to improve our circumstances as long as we don't attempt 'self-improvement'.

Please, please help me clean my eyes.

I looked at AIBU and saw a fat shaming thread. I feel unclean, I'm going to have to call the haz chem unit to hose me down.

I have a problem, thisters.

Why must I cook my own sausages? Why are nice ready-cooked sausages and chipolatas not available? Proper ones, I mean, not cocktail sausages.

Project ooh that has ignited my imagination, we all know that can get messy.

I will stand outside your house and scream your name

Just one sentence. In a Thinking of You card.

I hid AIBU about 30 seconds after joining MN. The threads still come up on Trending but Active is unsullied.

Thislido yes, yes i feel your pain. Why should you cook your own sausages? Could you sign up for school dinners at the local primary school and say you've got that ageing disease. What's it called, life?

You may have guessed my job involves school dinners and I would warn against them also you only get 4 cocktail sausages per portion to combat childhood obesity.

Thislido is it possible to hide the whole of AIBU? What a comfort. Please don't tell me how, I'm too lazy to follow the instructions.

Why wouldn't everyone want to be in this perfect land of pissed in slankets?

Although the 3rd comment on that thread cheered me up:

It’s like not being a dick splash should be the norm for most people, yet so many seem to struggle with it.

Small 4 cocktail sausages isn't enough for my middle of the night snack. I'd starve literally to death on that!

My ancestors were all agricultural labourers, i eat as much as they needed to for pulling oxen as a mark of respect.

Oooh lido I could go a sausage now

Project i liked the dick splash comment too.

I told my mum who is struggling to lose weight and was a bit upset about it your advice that you don't have a weight problem unless you need a bariatric scooter and if you do need the scooter you should move to Hawaii and wear a muumuu. This made her very happy.

Small self improvement? What an odd idea!

Excellent news small

Muumuus! That’s our summer uniform!

Muumuu! Yes, that's it! And sombrero?

Sombrero with dangling sausages

My mum definitely needs your wisdom Thigh she has a lot of problems and is always trying to improve herself. Recently she has started Kondoing her clutter and folding her underwear into origami.

My neighbour has put up a playing construction right beside my 6 foot fence. This thing is 12 foot total height and therefore looms 6 foot above the top of my fucking fence.

It gets worse, she's a child minder. Cute children stand on this fucking thing sweetly waving and saying hello every time I go in my garden.

I'm disgusted and full of rage.

Eww children

Ugh thigh push them off when neighbour isn't looking. Enough "accidents" and she will have to reassess the risk and get rid of it.

There is also a thread on AIBU about dogs are not as good as children.