I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

Should have thought wandering outside in a pissy slanket should put them off.

I know you don’t drink but I think a couple of empty cans of calling and a fag hanging out of your mouth should help. The overall impression should be Rab C Nesbitt

Dear Thigh.

I have more fuckboys than is easily manageable. Am recently single and making up for years of disappointing sex by shagging my way around the city. I have had three different fuckboys since Thursday and had to cancel tonights because I was too tired and spent the day lying down.

I only have until Friday in the city before I have to leave and be responsible. How many more fuckboys should I see before then?

sonny you need a rest, tell the rest of the fuckboys to see to themselves until you'll see them next Tuesday (it doesn't matter if you won't btw)

Get back onto the sofa and into your slanket, piss on your slanket for extra repellent properties. Line up some snacks instead.

Sonny no need to move. Lower your standards, don't let anyone expect you to join in. As well as your standards lower your keys on a piece of string from your window if any tasty Fuckboys should gambol by. Have a camera positioned at street level and lower the keys on to anyone you would like to shag's head.

Project but that's my normal! I've got to lower my standards, it's so difficult when I've been a devotee of reverse improvement all my life.

I'm going to have to literally make an effort to make less effort. It's very galling.

Excellent ideas.

I have to 'work' tomorrow and have maximised laziness by rearranging with tonights fuckboy. He has a groupon deal for a meal near my office then a nearby flat with a big TV. My house is further away and TVless so I feel I have mostly abided by the law of Thigh.

Just a shame I don't live near a river or could have got one using a fishing rod out the window.

I don't just talk the talk. I piss the slank.

I have a bit of a bad tum this evening if I call in sick to work with that tomorrow I will have to take 48hrs from when my last symptom passed.

thigh I have just seen your problem re: neighbours child friendly construction. I can strongly recommend a machine gun. Worked for me in similar circumstances!

Probably other automatic weapons could be similarly advantageous.

Small just stay off for ages with meglomania. Nobody can prove a thing!

I'm pretty sure a couple of people at my work genuinely have that anyway and it doesn't seem to stop them. Unfortunately.

small labyrinthitis. Good for a week off.

I've just had a long bath in arse's milk and did just musing on Thighland through the ages.

If we were a band of prehistoric hunter gatherers it would be a bit difficult as we all like lying down and pissing ourselves and nothing else.

We would soon die if our natural laziness was all we had to rely on. In the interests of keeping us alive I've decided to train wolves, repel intruders, pick low hanging fruit and milk things.

You're welcome.

But thighwedo gavemeaningful employment within our tholds!

Thor example Projectisnow a bearded Kylie dancer act and I am selling out as 'Auld Bag'at the Labour club on the corner!

We are veritable th'breadwinners and women of means!

• we do have

That is true but there must be some evolutionary advantage to being activity adverse? For example the slower creatures in nature are much longer lived.

Don't forget my future career in medical research

Those last posts would have made more sense if i had done quotes or something but I couldn't be arsed.

Small that's what I'm talking about!

As the late great S Club 7 from the 90's said 'Find your own way to it'

I drop the mike!

thigh your grace.

Re your problem: the children in the tower-when they next wave cutely,

A) roll about on your lawn, in your summer hospital gown, your pissy slanket, your wine and monster munch .
b) feed a husband to the pigs
C) go all Henry III ( wink wink)

Naked interesting, a bigger fear would be that one of them would be Henry III (child king) so i think i should be all Richard III (lock children in tower).

YES! It is a fucking tower, i trap them in it. Forever. Ha, that'll learn the cute little waving fuckers.

But Dangly lovely though it is, how will Project's Kylie dancing keep us alive in prehistory?

Small congrats on future medical research career but how's that going to keep me in biscuits when dinosaurs roam the earth. And let's face it, what's this medicine going to consist of? An awl. There, I've just completed your prehistorical medical education for you.

And no one's using any of my wolves as sewing materials.