I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

Retch, Buuuuurrrrrrp

Madaunt that one was a lovely shade, I might paint the bedroom in it if I ever move a muscle again in this lifetime!
Oh superb advice thigh I've sent dh back out for a Turkish Man for me! Will report back when I've had him! Will try not to smear sick on him in case anyone else wants a go on him after!

So, im led down, alcohol is being consumed. DP is being a massive bell end.
I can throw something at him do i don't have to kove can't i?

Royal smother him with your slanket. It's just a hug that got mixed up innit

Don't worry Dangly i don't have standards, I'll shag owt.

Oh yes, when I've finished shagging this Turkish man I too will dig deep for my poor dear Getting, I cannot bear the thought of her having to consume the contents of all those wrinkled old todgers! She might want the Turkish Man next to take the taste away! There's not a lot of sick on him!

Royal you do need to bump him off! This just won't do!

I am killing dh soon! I liked him as a bottle opener but now he has blown it!

He is trying to say that I am not Triangle, the Angel fish's real mother!! And Triangle HEARD!!

Give me strength!!!

I didn't kill my annoying h yet but he has gone to do a night shift so dd and I are having a secret Indian takeaway, he would hate that!

Mine is currently offering to buy me food to appease me... i shall wait until i have consumed it before smothering him.

You know, it’s starting to feel like Friday night is Murder Night and Saturday is Sex Night in Thighland.

What should we all do on Sunday - worship at the goat-fucking statue?

venerable Thigh, thislido

A lobotomy is not necessary after the 2 kids mark. Stunned and vulnerable you stagger on to. 3 whereupon your brain gently liquifies and drizzles imperceptibly out of your ears. This is a great comfort, it enables toleration of the swings, the soft play , the birthday, all of the teenage and the boyfriend/girlfriend.

This finally leads, serendipitously , to the Thighway where your cognitive capacity and utter exhaustion, mental and physical, now perfectly matches with the requirement to lie down extensively and eat only snacks. Which is actually all you can afford.

And yes, I did clone them, but don't tell.

Problem for you folks to solve.

Ive been awake since 5.40am.
I have tried lying down. Eating snacks made me puke.
I'm lying down again in case i didn't lie down well enough in the first place, but it doesn't seem ti be working yet.

royal try drinking gallons of coffee that's what I do if up early, then a cautious piece of toast if you are feeling sick.

small i can't stomach coffee..it makes me sick.

Can. Just pop in to say that on a Christmas 'we all have the lurgy' thread @thighofrelief101 offered some cracking advice and is now recognised as MN genius (I mean I'm not ill with the right now so that's proof)
You should all listen to, and enact any advice given immediately.

My current problem is that I'm still in bed and don't want to get up, but it's my last day staying with DD in the snowy mountains and time is short. Help

lightlypoached can you position yourself in bed so you can see out the window, that way you can be admiring the mountain views while still lying down. Admiring views is the number one part of a scenic holiday so you are already making the most of your time while still in bed.

poached! You're alive! Praise be and all hail to Thigh.

Did i save your life, it's very likely, I'm a keyboard healer as you know.

Poached get your daughter to come into your bed and both go back to sleep. Later, you can angle a mirror on a stick and look outside from the comfort of your bed.

Royal you're clearly pregnant, did you part your slanket for any bystanders?

Project what should we do on Sundays? We could sort out your career, you've had so many promotions that you're in danger of losing your mind.

I shall have to ponder the perfect job for you. Yen crayoner?

Naked would you remember the lobotomy van though. As you're well aware they used to come round in a van, like the ice cream man.

I had a lobotomy once! when the can came round!

It was very pleasant, quite like a spa day.

I'm booking another one soon! Good, clean fun!

thigh if I'm pregnant i can sue the doctors who told us DPs vasectomy was a siccess yes?

Success

I also came to show you guys this

want one

www.facebook.com/215770169058131/posts/344507529517727/