I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

Reg have you got green shield stamps? I've got some TV license stamps too, I'll chuck them in for the funeral.

What you're saying re the wax arses is that they need to be on an arse?

MysticReg have you sorted the life insurance?

MightyToosh Hi!!!

I still have my exMIL's co-op card in my wallet. Would you like it?

I’m getting adverts for Krispy Kremes.

Hello Toosh have you got a problem for us to solve?

I already have the card. And life insurance.

Yes O leader, or something vaguely arse shaped. A couple of large balloons would suffice.

Reg if i put wooden arse cheeks on my arse cheeks could i then have the wax arse cheeks on top of the wooden arse cheeks? So i have 3 arses.

I have a new problem!!

I just at a Mr Benn's Rice Time curry and now I feel sick!

It's putting me off my snacks tbh!

The night is still young Dangly, plenty of time for snacks, just line them up for when you are ready! Obviously I'm reaching distance from the couch

Didn’t we organise a vomitarium Dangly?

Thigh certainly you can. The more arses the better.

Not in the bath or the pool though, they will weigh you down and you’ll drown.

Brilliant thank you Madaunt you have brought me great comfort in my hour of need!

Of course I will want snacks later! I will fetch M Munch, Skips, Square crisps (salt and vinegar), Bugles and Galaxy and put them in front of me to inspire an early recovery!

Project Oh yes yes we did!

That is exactly what I need to clear the way for eating much more shite!

Who has the vomitorium currently? Can I have it next?

Also has anyone got any spare arses I can have to add to my arses?

TIA

Dangly you've always had it, but you call it the floor. I think you should settle your stomach with Turkish delight

Oh brilliant thigh I have my very own vomitorium right here!

Vomits violently and unattractively!

I've sent dh out for Turkish Delight for me! I should be able to consume a job lot now!

Dangly the Turkish delight settles an agar jelly like gel around your stomach lining and helps. Found out for myself.

Toosh we're standing by ready to help you. What's your problem?

If the Turkish delight doesn't settle your stomach, then at least your vomit will be technicoloured

Then there is Turkish men, quite a delight with their golden skin and long eye lashes. If you have sex with one Dangly that should get the last of your stomach contents out. All that pumping. Found out from a friend.

I do think we should raise funds for Getting. She's gone to an old folks home tonight to give out blow jobs for tips.

Getting has tried everything to get a real job but no one will employ her with the way she is. Diversity only goes so far.

It's cruel really that she's been forced to become an OAPaedo when really she only wants to have sex with faded photos of statues of beige cuttlefish.

We should throw a cuttlefish pride parade for her. She'll be only one on the float but it's a gesture.

She could wear the patented triple arse, a furry head mask and carry a dead fox dipped in wax.

We could have a sponsored lie down in slankets!