I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

bacardi put something around your nostrils that smells less shitty. If you can’t summon a visitor to bring you something then steal some moisturiser or use the gel sanitiser.

Yo could try the gel sanitiser in your hair but I’d just shave it off it I were you.

Don’t worry about how you look. Everyone is perfect in Thighland.

Bacardi do you have a hip flask filled with Bacardi? You should.

Love all of these responses especially the hip flask! Going to lie back and pretend I’m in Barbados with a Bacardi and ignore the smell of shit. Thank you Thighland!

My DH is currently in week 2 of man flu. The rest of the family have had a cough and cold and got on with life, but DH is still struggling- well enough to get into work, but still ill enough to give me every detail of sweatiness/ snot quality/ full body achiness along with appropriate sound effects. My tolerance for illness only lasts a week, but apparently full sympathy is the only acceptable course of action in this household. How do I fake wifely concern when I could quite happily strangle him??

Madaunt You've answered your own question, my dear. Don't fake wifely concern. Quite happily strangle him. We'll help you dispose of the body.

Bacardi. Of course the place smells like shit. Don't let the other patients ruin your holiday. Do a very loud, smelly fart. Claim your territory!

Fabulous! Unfortunately I don't stock Bacardi, but probably have other tipples to help the job along. See you all later

Hey Danga mate. How's it hanging? Long, low and slightly to the left?

Good call, I stopped with all the Aussie stuff. I'm Thigh plus Aussie which makes me a bloody lazy bastard. Just couldn't be arsed remembering everyone's Aussie names.

But I'll keep calling ya Danga, cause you're a fair dinkum, true blue Aussie.

I have none of those things:(

What have I been doing with my life!!??

It's ok 67. You've arrived in Thighland now. As they say "Life begins at 46". Just be thankful you are 46 and not 67.

Cheers for the Australian comment. I almost love you as much as I love Thigh and Danga

Oooooh danga...are you antipodean?

Phwoar!

Danga and my other Honourary Aussies repeat after me:

"I'm gonna chuck a sickie"

Translation: I'm going to pretend to be sick and take a day off work. NOT I'm going to throw my husband out the window for having man flu

67 I'm the phwoar.

I'm just asserting the little bit of power I have in Thighland to turn people Aussie if I so choose

G'day getting danga
I need to learn Australian if I'm going to be Aussie. All I know is thongs = flip flops.

Crikey! I just got a craving for vegemite on toast for brekkie.

chevvy I am indeed, listen ...

'I'm gonna chuck a sickie'

See this is irrefutable proof that I am Antipodean, " a true blue, fair dinkum Aussie' as Getting summed me up before!

G'day Luaa me old, cobber, come over after brekkie for a few coldies mate?

C'mon let's have a barbie, don't be a dag like Mrs Mangel.

Oh shit I thought it meant 'throwing the husband out of window'.

< disappointed >

(Explodes with lust)

nowhere do you have a hat with corks on?

Please say yes.

wear that and nothing else

Course I do, 67. How do ya reckon I keep the blowies off?

Luaa, your name was Dunny, wasn't it?

SmallFastPenguin we'll call ya Chook

67, you're 69er

Is Kleptro here? She can be Stubby holder

ThisLido, you can be TitsLido