Worst things your parents said to you

[LuckyAmy1986]

As a teen, my dad called me 'loose' and a 'cunt' - not both at the same time. I am in my thirties now and still haven't forgotten/got over it! Is this normal? Wanted to know if other people had similar experiences.

[nevisbump]

From mum
You are such a disappointment, I had just quit a part tine job where I was being bullied.
If you sleep with him I'll be so proud of you
I wish I don't have kids so early as they ruined my life
Told me I should sleep with my new step uncle to keep her husband happy

Mum and dad
While travelling to my wedding said I was making a big mistake and I should go back with my ex who emotionally and physically abused me

Dad
I needed to get a grip and remember that my wedding day wasn't about me and my sister should be a major part of the day

There are loads more but these are ones that stick out

[Pebbles16]

"I wanted to and nearly killed you". Yes she was suffering from PND when she felt that, but not when she told me. Aged 8. It left its mark

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

nevisbump, I can relate to a couple of those. It was my Dad who always called me a disappointment and my mother was the one who encourage me to date (and sleep) with both of my step cousins. I was 18.

Sorry that happened to you, nevis. I'm happy you survived though.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

sorry, 17!

[MyWeaponofChoiceisWords]

When I was 7 or 8, my younger sibling was getting ready to go to a party. I was sad because I wasn't going to a party.
My dear mother informed me that it was my own fault that I wasn't getting invited to parties. Why?
"you haven't got any friends because you're a horrible person"

WTF, thanks

Only one example of many that I could give from both my "loving" parents.

[nevisbump]

Misslanes thanks, it's not nice to hear those things and happy you survived them too. I like to think it's made me stronger

[getback]

"Your sister is such a natural mother. You aren't what I would call a natural mother"

[TheFrogsLegs]

.

[Greensleeves]

I have CPTSD as well, diagnosed a couple of years ago. And depression and chronic anxiety. But at least I don't have my mother taunting and ridiculing me and saying "keep taking the meds, you pathetic cow" every time I get upset.

[justthecat]

I was about size 12-14 as a teenager
( which my mother deemed grossly overweight) so she got one of her mates to write me a letter ( posted it to home address) to say I’d been selected to play rugby ( due to my huge frame).
Signed by Ivor Harem - didn’t get that bit at the time!
What gets me now is how much effort she put in to get a laugh at my expense.Evil witch.

[bubblesforlife]

So given all of this abuse, how are peoples relationships with their parents now? How do you manage it?

[MitziK]

Easily.

There is no relationship. I'll be informed when she dies and that's it.

[BartonHollow]

I am completely NC with one parent and get on fine with the needy and complicated other one as long as we steer clear of about 2 topics

[CatherineofTarragon1]

bubblesforlife I personally am NC with my family. My dad died last year and my mum and sister are still here but I do not have any contact with them. They occasionally get in touch with a view to causing me trouble but I ignore. I hope to relocate soon and will not be providing any forwarding details and have closed my FB acct. With a bit of luck I will never see or hear from them again.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

NC

[CatherineofTarragon1]

bubblesforlife , also, I could not care less if any of my family die. I do not want to know. Nor will I accept or want any inheritance that may or may not be due to me. I am making sure I cannot be found. Leaving them to it.

[bubblesforlife]

I see mine going to NC soon after my wedding later this year. I'd do it now but it would cause too much turmoil for me and other family members.
I hope being married to a great man and living far away will give me the freedom of mind I need.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

My mother (father buggered off when I was little) wasn’t going to leave me anything as apparently I am easily lead and squander money irresponsibly. I would just give it away to anybody that told me a sob story.

People used to listen to the description my mother would tell people and wonder who it was she was talking to.

A couple of people have tried to tell her what I was like but apparently they didn’t know me like she did.

My mother probably still today thinks I am a chain smoking shopaholic. No amount of protests that I have never had a puff on a cigarette and I hate shopping would make her change her mind.

[imip]

Ah yes, I have heard of Complex PTSD, thank-you. I looked into it from another thread here.

I fantasise a little that when my dad dies, and hopefully sooner than my mum because the horribleness stems from him, that my siblings and I will hold a very quick funeral which we will tell no one about and then just cremate him and tell everyone afterwards. His friends all like him and I wouldn’t want to give him that kind of send off.

A complicating factor for me is that 2 siblings live with my parents still (they have ASD and other MH conditions). So while I’m virtually NC, they are still living the nightmare day-to-day.

[Greensleeves]

NC with mother. Best decision I ever made. Stepfather dead.

[Jenala]

Not as bad as some on here.
When I was 11 and asking DM not to go out drinking til the early hours while I was home with my toddler sibling:
"You're controlling and neurotic, you won't have good relationships if you don't learn to sort that out".
Calling her at the pub at 9pm when she left the house at 2pm "have you all met my grandmother" whilst holding the phone out so I can hear everyone laughing.
Funnily other drugs were her problem not alcohol. She generally told me I was controlling, neurotic, like the daughter in ab fab, that I think I'm superior.

When I was 17, my stepdad who had been my father since I was 3 years old said: "I'd expect a daughter of mine to be more supportive. I only want to see my real daughter (DSis) from now on" when I was upset he'd driven me drunk. I never saw him again though my Dsis continued to. He died a couple of years ago and never met my children.

[Omzlas]

"I wish I'd never had kids". Every single day.


Maybe if she'd learned what family planning was, she wouldnt have had 3 kids to 3 men.


Been NC for 7 years now after she took offence at me pointing out that her wedding invite was for her only and didn't include her slimy 'friend' who literally makes my skin crawl (and I believe is the father of my sister's oldest child)


She will absolutely never meet my children and they will only know of her existence after she's dead

[CatherineofTarragon1]

For those saying ' mine is not is bad as others'

It is bad . 'It' happened to you and 'it' is bad. Don't minimise what happened to you. You feel it and it happened and it is bad.

How you now move forward with your life and what you carry forward will ultimately define you.

You can now either emerse yourself in the sadness that is/was your old self. Or, build a new life where you are valued and loved and have new boundaries.

You may have to say goodbye to many along the way, including family.

But,you will have found
yourself and those worthy of your company along the way.

[FuzzyShadowChatter]

I think it's sadly a lot more common than usually represented or that most would want to consider and that the effects are also often underestimated. I'm another who was told a lot by my mother that she wished she could have aborted me, told over and over how I wasn't given a name for days/that she didn't want anything to do with me because I wasn't the boy she expected, that I was a whore for being kissed, told what I terrible mother I would be and pretty much anything I did well, one of my parents would take credit for.

Oddest horrible thing was when I was had to leave dance training, my joints were in too much pain. My mother's response was that I probably had enough training to be a stripper - she'd had me in training since I was 3 and I left as a teen.

Worst is a rant my mother went at me what I was about 12, how I was physical/mental/emotional/financial...pretty much a burden in every single way, unloveable, that the only happiness I can give others is by leaving, and if I was actually capable of love like a normal human, I'd kill myself so I'd free her and everyone of me. She then spent some time trying to convince me to jump off the roof. She did quite a few of those after that - if you loved me/were capable of love, you would do X. Unsurprisingly, she kicked me out when I was 15, barely saw her after that, last saw her at when I was 18. I don't expect to have anything more to do with my parents or to know when they die.

[vampirethriller]

When I was about 12 she stood me in front of the mirror and told me I was a fat sadsack frump, and she didn't like what she saw. I was underweight at the time. She keeps a photo of me looking fat in her purse to laugh at when she's bored.