Worst things your parents said to you

[LuckyAmy1986]

As a teen, my dad called me 'loose' and a 'cunt' - not both at the same time. I am in my thirties now and still haven't forgotten/got over it! Is this normal? Wanted to know if other people had similar experiences.

[squeakyshoes]

@KittyLane1 I'm so sorry I dot know what to say, that's beyond awful.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

Honestly, I've blocked most of them out. There were so many, equally from my father and my mother and my sister and my brother. They're all crazy.

Let's see.

Mother-
I wish I never had kids. They will ruin your life. Don't ever have kids xx. ( Btw, I don't have kids now. I'm 45)

You look like a prostitute (my grandmother was in fact a prostitute and my mother may have been as well, but I have no actual proof of this)

You need to stop eating so much. You look pregnant.

Your father and I don't know what to do with you. We loved you so much when you were little. Why did you have to change? ( I was 15 and suicidal HA!)

There's more, but I don't feel like thinking about it. She would go from absolutely worshipping the ground I walked on, saying I was so pretty, had such a cute figure, beautiful hair, to saying shit like above and also hit be with extension cords, wire hangers and her fists. I have been unable to go NC (I feel responsible for her since my Dad died) so it's low contact. Better than full on, I guess. I will only be free of her when she dies.

Father;

Me; Dad, do you think I'm pretty? ( I was 15 and suicidal. I had just broken up with a really abusive boyfriend. Coincidentally, I tried killing myself a week later. HA!)

Dad- Well,I wouldn't say you're classically beautiful. You are attractive, I guess, but in an unconventional way. You're not like your mother.

Dad- I don't think you should go there actually. You probably would not to well there anyway. (This was when I was admitted to the mental hospital when I was 15. I had been given the Stanford Binet IQ tests and the doctors thought I was gifted. Especially, in writing and vocabulary. I had the reading and writing skills of a 2nd year graduate student. They begged my father to switch me to an alternative school for the gifted in
the next town. Obviously, he didn't allow me to go. I dropped out of my local high school the following year)

There's more of course, but I don't feel up to it. I had a very complicated relationship with my father as I completely worshiped him. He's dead now, so that's that.

[Anotherday39]

My mother called me a whore at 15 too, for dating a boy.

I've read a lot of that on here! why ...just why???

[Anotherday39]

I've also been told I'm a bitch. None of my brothers have been called names like this.

[Anotherday39]

And there's the obsession with weight/prettiness too.

I was never the daughter she wanted. She also doesn't like things to go well for me.

[MadGreyCatLady]

My Mum: Who do you think i love most? you or your Dad?
7 year old me: Me
Mum: Oh no, I can have other kids but there isnt another one of your dad (and it's not as though they had a good relationship!)

"Its about time you got over that" After finding me crying in a chair when I was 15, watching a film where a baby had died......she had forcing me into having an abortion , I had been abused since the age of 11 by my Grandfather so I thought if men wanted to touch you, you had no choice. I got pregnant and she told me if I didn't have an abortion they would take my baby off me and I wouldn't have anywhere to live.

I was horribly bullied at school - her response was to tell me that it happened to everybody and there was nothing that could be done.

There is so much more - but I can't face writing it down. She is in her 80's now and appears meek and mild and reasonable to everyone else - including my siblings, so no one would believe me if I had the courage to speak out about it.

I've had a lifetime of being taken advantage of because I have no idea on how to set boundaries and feel everyone in the world is entitled to treat me how they like, and I just people please in the hope that they might like me.....because I am so worthless, I don;t really believe anyone ever has liked me and I am 60 years old now.

[TurtleBeach]

With my dad, it's so much words that have been used but a look of pure and utter contempt that he has given me on two occasions. I think both times have been accompanied by him calling me a whore or slut or something like that but it is the look in his eyes that stays with me. I never want to be on the receiving end of that kind of look or even feel I have the ability to do that to another living person.

Aside from that, I'll never forget or forgive him for telling one of his friends (in front of me) that he was so proud of his two older children and never wanted a third as he knew he couldn't get so lucky three times and I'd always be a failure next to them.

A few years ago, he said he wanted to have a family photoshoot but I didn't need to be there - he wanted his "true" family, the ones who had given him grandchildren to carry on the family line.

My mum wasn't quite as bad growing up apart from constant references to my weight but quite recently she told me, during a homophobic rant, that if I had been gay she would have disowned me and never spoken to me again. She thought this was completely normal and reasonable and couldn't understand why I was upset.

[Flobalob]

When my Mum was made to leave the house by the court after their divorce (my father won 'care and control' and the judge described my mum as 'an unfit mother') she turned to me as she was packing her stuff and said to the teenage me "this is all your fault".
I testified in court against her. As a child I felt loved by my Mum but I was also very frightened of her. I never knew what mood she would be in when I woke up in the morning and there was always the threat of physical violence.
Years later, my Dad said that my testimony sealed the nail on her coffin. My older brother also testified against her. I was 17, I think.
When I was 16 I was starting a new 6th form. She was driving me there and I thought I knew the way but I made a mistake and we took a wrong turn. She said "You bitch, you fucking bitch!" for that. There was such venom in her voice for such a simple, innocent mistake.
I also clearly remember the last time she raised her hand to me. I was 16 and she was just about to hit me when my 18 year old brother heard her and intervened. He got in her face and told her "don't you touch my sister!" It was the first time I'd ever seen her afraid and she never laid a hand on me again....my crime for the threat of violence was to question why she had taken and sold my belongings.

[Madein1995]

Mother

Wishes she never had me

I look like a man - have PCOS and facial hair

I look like a frizz bomb - curly hair

Am both a walkover and selfish - (self confidence issues)

Told numerous times she doesn't love me and I've destroyed the bond we had

Dreads to see the state of my home and kids if I have any

Doesn't understand how work can understand me - talk v fast when nervous

You look pregnant when you stand on the side - age 14 and size 10

Calling me fat when I couldn't get a size 6 top on at 11, caused lots of weight issues

Why can't you be more like X

The love isn't there hol, can't wait for you to move out

Go and play with traffic

Why don't you just do us all a favour and kill yourself

Have you ever thought about killing yourself? (In that fake innocent voice)

When I went to her crying cos dad called me fat, said well even he notices it

Blaming me for making her ill

Basically lots and lots of emotional abuse. Can't really remember specifics of what she's said now - I do have some texts but can't bear to look. Usually a mixture of threats and emotional manipulation. Physical too, like putting my hands in gloves and tying them to my wrists as I bit my nails, sitting her 20 stone plus body on mine as punishment, hitting me and stuff, controlling, etc.

Dad is more threatening and physical than words

[Flobalob]

Years later, she still can't understand why she doesn't see her children or 7 grandchildren!

[suziedoozy]

Mine seems mild in comparison with everyone else’s but I know it’s stjll having an impact on me....

I was always the ‘not so bright one’ never expected to compare to my older siblings. I came home to get my A level results (was working away) and was told the whole family had had a meeting (without me) and decided I was going to secretarial college as I clearly wasn’t intelligent enough for the uni I had applied for. This was the culmination of a childhood of being told I wasn’t as clever as my older siblings.

I got 4 A levels (higher results than siblings), now have a degree, 4 post grad qualifications including 2 masters (other are profession related) and am currently studying for a PhD.

But I will always feel like I am stupid, or at least not as intelligent as everyone else even though I have more qualifications than the rest of my immediate family added together.

I don’t think I will even get over feeling like I am the ‘stupid’ kid.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Such heartbreaking stories - my heart goes out to every single one of you. I just wish I could take your pain away.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

suziedoozy, I can relate, not to the achievement part though, as I achieved nothing but survival.

The "stupid" part though. I was constantly called stupid or idiot by my father. One time we were in the car together and I finally told him my IQ (which is quite high) and he said, is that it? I thought it would have been higher

Yeah, he was a real dick. Loved him a lot though.

Anyway, just wanted to say, that I can relate to the insult part. However, my Dad thought we were all idiots to be fair.

Very , very impressed by your achievements though. That must feel really good. That's a lot to be proud of.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

would have been much higher

[Badtasteflump]

So sad to read how common this kind of abuse is. to everybody.

My mother loved hurling insults during her (pretty regular) rants.

“You’re an evil little girl”
“It’s your fault (insert name of random relative) died”
“Everybody hates you”
(to any boyfriends of mine or DH) “You deserve a medal for putting up with her”
(To me when I left an abusive boyfriend who had attacked me) “You drove him to it and now you’ve broken his heart”.

I went NC a few years ago and haven’t missed her or regretted it for one moment. I only wish I’d done it years earlier.

[MissClareRemembers]

‘’No wonder nobody likes you’’

I was bullied throughout primary school. God that hurt.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

Badtasteflump, I'm so sorry to hear about your evil mother. Mine is quite evil too. My sister is the one that got the "bad seed" though. She did warn me once that I would be pushed off a hayride by a boy who asked me on a date. The whole time I was scared he was going to do it. LOL!

I also got the I deserve a medal one. She thinks any boyfriend (and now my husband) is like some kind of God for even noticing me in the first place. My DH walks on water according to her. There are times when I have to ask DH to ask her something for me, because she wouldn't do it if she knew it was for me. She's a real bruja. That's what me and my sister call her. In case you don't know, it's Spanish for "witch"

I wish I can go NC with her. My therapist and I were working on that goal before she was forced into retirement for health reasons. I still feel obligated to her. I always imagine her in a rundown shack in Mexico when she was a little girl. I will be chained to that beast of a woman until she dies. Unfortunately, for me, she has great genes (her mother died at 98 and her mother at 103-104) so, I'm pretty much screwed. Fortunately, though, she doesn't come around as often as she used to. She's really involved in her religious community, so she their problem now. I would really love to go NC like you though. God, that must feel great.

Good for you though. I think that takes a lot of courage. Unfortunately, when it comes to my mother, I have the courage of a gnat.

[suziedoozy]

@misslanes thank you, that is lovely of you to say. It is really hard as I know logically I am not stupid but I wonder if I will actually ever feel intelligent??

I keep being told by my dad ‘well I will never call you doctor’ but on the other hand he loves to show off about my qualifications and they have all the graduation pictures on the wall..... it is very confusing.

Well done on surviving - that is the most important thing and you did it👍

[Itgoesonandon]

Writing this, hoping it will be cathartic or perhaps just help me to make decisions about future contact. For context, my parents are signing Deaf, my siblings and I are hearing...

Father-

Commonly repeated statements since I can remember:
I wish you were deaf.
I hate hearing people.
Hearing people are all liars.
Hearing people just try and take advantage of deaf people.

Your legs are so hairy you could collect pollen like a bee (then called me bees knees for ever more)

You;ve got thighs like a Russian hammer thrower.

I was watching you get changed the other day, your tits point in different directions, haha, cross-eyed tits.

I’ve seen your dirty knickers, bet you’ve got a yellow stained fanny.

You are good looking, but you’ve got a terrible personality, men will just fuck you but not marry you. (I was about 10 when he started saying this).

(On my way to a school disco aged 12) You look very fuckable but eeeughh (poking his finger at my face, with disgusted expression) all those spots...

(Walking in on me and my male platonic friends aged 13) What’s this, a gang bang?

(Dragging me to the toilet) Don’t you dare flush your disgusting fanny pads down the toilet! (I hadn’t, my mum had flushed a cotton wool cosmetic pad).

(Aged 12) Don’t you dare use tampons, you’ll get all bunged up and they’ll have to scrape you out with a big wooden spoon.

(Proudly showing off photos from my first serious holiday without parents/school, ignoring the amazing landmarks to say) Eugh. Why do you ALWAYS have to stick your big chin out like that?

Repeatedly pointing people out on tv/real life who were better looking or had “better hair” than me, without being asked. If I expressed any annoyance he would laugh and laugh about how annoyed and “jealous” I was.

Got his rocks off telling us really filthy jokes as young children and having to explain them to us. I recall one particular one about VD...

Repeatedly telling me I was selfish, a bitch, self-centred, not likeable, had no personality.

Told me that my mum was shit at sex “like a sack of potatoes”.

Told me that my mum never wanted me, that he was supposed to pull out but came inside instead because he wanted another baby -thought this was hilarious.

All of the above as a kid...as an adult it’s been his general behaviour and actions...but do remember as a 30 something I invited them to visit and cooked a special meal. He ate it quickly, when I asked what he though he shrugged and said “already had this, your sister made it for me last week”. I suspect a story concocted up between them to cut me down incase I thought too highly of my own cooking or something. The family narrative always being that I was some uppity stuck up selfish cow who needed to be put in her place at every opportunity.

The most unforgivable was telling my “nanny” (really, sometime babysitter, we weren’t posh or well off) who I adored, that I was ruining them financially, demanding loads of money etc while at uni. Very much untrue, but left her hugely disappointed in me and she died thinking badly of me.


Mother:

You might be my daughter but I just don’t like you.

Generally continued the family story that I had a terrible personality. Might get boyfriends/sex but no real relationships.

I never wanted you.

I will get social services to come and take you away.

When you’re 16 your on your own.

You should leave school and get a job, it would be selfish to go to uni instead of working and paying us rent.

(crying at me for getting a place at uni for a vocational degree) Why can’t you just go to nightschool instead!? (wanted digs money)

Screaming at me for using more than 6 Sanpro in a day.

Always telling me I was too fat for any clothes I liked. I lived in baggy clothes as a result.

When I lost some weight, telling me “you won’t keep it up, you’ll be fat again soon” with glee. I have never been significantly overweight. My weight has varied from bottom to top of my healthy BMI zone.

Always told me I am a liar...not really sure why, but over and over...

Sex is terrible, it really hurts, just you wait...

If you get pregnant you can get out, I’ll wash my hands of you. Not sure where this fear came from -I didn’t have sex until I was 19 and had moved out.

When I had had 2 or 3 boyfriends “if you keep having sex with all these men no one will want you”

When my cheating first husband was an utter shit and dumped me at their house for a family funeral before buggering off “WHAT DID YOU DO!!!?” And then refused to talk to me for the rest of the day.

Repeatedly telling me as an adult that I have been very “lucky” because I have a professional career, a good income, a decent 2nd husband, 3 lovely children, and a cleaner! Lucky...



I’ll stop boring everyone now.

[BartonHollow]

@Itgoesonandon

That is truly dreadful and you aren't boring anyone. I'm so sorry and yes I would consider no contact in your situation even taking the fact they are both impaired into consideration.

[Itgoesonandon]

@BartonHollow thank you.

[Greensleeves]

itgoesonandon your parents are utter, unspeakable arseholes

You, on the other hand, are a fucking miracle. You came out of that horrific, destructive upbringing and built a real life for yourself. I hope it grates on them every single day.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

suziedoozy, yeah, that part actually sounds like my mom. Highly critical yet tells everyone about when I was a make up artist with her own apartment. Obviously, that pales in comparison to getting a doctorate, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Yeah, thanks for the compliment, my therapist used to say that to me. She thought it was some big achievement and kept telling me that I should have been dead by now or a prostitute or a drug addict and homeless. It doesn't feel that way though. Surviving is just a basic instinct for me. Maybe, I do it just to spite my parents or the assholes that used to take bets in high school as to when I'd kill myself.

I guess, I just expected so much more out of myself. I really have not achieved anything to be proud of. Except my marriage, but anybody can do that, really.

It's like, I have these flashes of brilliance and I know that I'm smart but I don't think I'm brilliant enough to put a book out or do something worthwhile. I'm always so busy telling other people to believe in themselves when I actually don't believe in myself at all.

There was a person in my life a long time ago, that made me believe in myself that way, but I am dead to him now.

I wish I could get that feeling back. The feeling that I could do it. If I just had the guts to try.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

My mother went on and on about the importance of family. This used to be trotted out if any of her siblings or parents needed anything but I couldn’t get an 2d ice cream out of her. Just never enough for me.

Eventually after another argument I asked her who she considered was family.

She listed her parents, her siblings, their husbands and children.

When I asked why wasn’t I part of the family she said she knew the others longer than me.

I was considered secondary family.

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

Itgoesonandon, Jesus christ, I felt like I was having a flashback when I read your post. I'm so, so very sorry. You are a miracle. You truly are.

Fuck them