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Original poster

Holidays with stepchildren and bio children

290 replies

Jessie20 · 08/02/2019 22:01

I have been arguing with my partner this evening about holidays! We have a 3 year old daughter together and he has a 9 year old son from previous relationship. We have him every other weekend and he comes on all trips in the uk with us! Me, my partner and daughter have been abroad every year but without him! Now my partner wants to take his son away abroad every year. Now I don’t know whether I’m sounding nasty, but I don’t want to take him away every year. I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel like every where she goes he goes! I’m happy to do one year on and one year off and he said well he’s my son and I want to do it and your nasty! People I’ve spoken to understand my thought of train but need advice/thoughts from others please

OP posts:
Livedandlearned · 08/02/2019 22:02

YABU

Singlenotsingle · 08/02/2019 22:04

Well, if he was your own bio son, of course you'd take him without question. I don't think you should leave him out. He's part of the family.

Hwory · 08/02/2019 22:04

YABU!

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averylongtimeago · 08/02/2019 22:06

Yes you do sound nasty.
He is a child, yabvvu.

itsnnothere · 08/02/2019 22:06

Surely you knew what you were taking on with your partner - his son is part of the deal. You can't have parts of the package when it suits you and ignore the other parts

GreenEggsHamandChips · 08/02/2019 22:07

Yep that's nasty

Thistles24 · 08/02/2019 22:07

I can’t believe this is actually real. If I was your partner, I’d be doubting your relationship right now. His son should absolutely be given the choice to go on holiday with you, though it wouldn’t surprise me if he picks up on the vibes that you don’t want him there and declines.

Goldmandra · 08/02/2019 22:07

He is your partner's son. How would you feel about going on holiday without your own child?

Your daughter gets time with you both, without your stepson, all the time. She doesn't have a right to holidays without him.

You need to change how you think about this little boy. Your partner is his parent. He should be welcome to participate in your family life whenever possible.

HBWalk · 08/02/2019 22:08

So essentially you’re not treating him like part of your family. He is. YABVU.

JRMisOdious · 08/02/2019 22:09

Do the children get along? Might be nice for your daughter to spend time with her brother?

Greensleeves · 08/02/2019 22:09

What will you do if something happens to his mother, or the custody arrangements change for some other reason? Your partner is this child's father, he could end up with full-time custody of him at some point.

I'm not sure why you think your daughter has a right to holidays with her parents without your partner's other child. Do you think all siblings should be taken on holiday separately, or just your PFB?

mnbvcxzlkjhgfdsa · 08/02/2019 22:10

You are being unreasonable.

Hwory · 08/02/2019 22:12

Do you get the broom out for your step son when he comes over Lady Tremaine?

PorpentinaScamander · 08/02/2019 22:13

Yabu and nasty. Poor lad.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 08/02/2019 22:13

When I had a step dc the dm would never let them come away with us.
Apparently it wasn't fair the dc had a holiday the dm didn't share in!
I get where you are coming from though op, sometimes df's (Disney Father's) are so busy making up for the guilt of not being a 24/7 df they forget any other dc exist.
And that's not fair on your dd.
Presumably his ds gets a holiday with his dm?
Your dd is entitled to have a holiday focused around her needs too.
Sorry you are getting a hard time.

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/02/2019 22:13

He’s your daughters brother. I don’t get what you mean by ‘I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel that everywhere she goes he goes.’ It’s totally normal for siblings to share family holidays etc with each other - if you have another child will you go on separate holidays with your DD and younger baby so neither feels everywhere one goes the other goes too? I assume the answer is no and you would be happy for another biological child of your own to be part of all family holidays so of course it’s nasty to want to exclude your stepson.

Greensleeves · 08/02/2019 22:14

Oddly, I seem to be able to take both my children on holiday at the same time without forgetting either of them exists Hmm

Some funny folk about.

EstrellaDamn · 08/02/2019 22:15

Of course you're being unreasonable. You're being a lot of other things too actually, but unreasonable is the most polite one.

He's part of your family, just not too often. He's bloody 9. Wait until your daughter is 9 and you'll realise how young and vulnerable that still is. Sad

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/02/2019 22:16

Why has your partner changed his mind?

Your daughter has a brother, she’s not an only child. But there’s a decent age gap between them and he’s not with full time so you need to find a balance between things you do as a 3 and things you do all together. I’m in the camp of foreign holidays being the latter, it’s a big deal and a chance for quality time together, being together and him having time alone with his dad while you enjoy time with DD. Day trips with DD on weekends you don’t have him are one thing, big expensive fancy holidays are another.

But your DP was fine before and now he’s changed his mind so it would be interesting to know why.

CrimpBrunette · 08/02/2019 22:19

I think you know you're being completely ridiculous, vindictive etc etc. This can't be real? If so, this is awful

anotherwearytraveller · 08/02/2019 22:22

Oh wow

I’m amazed that’s all he has said to you tbh
If my partner suggested he didn’t want my son around very much and wanted holidays without him I’d be devatstated

That’s his boy ffs.

afromom · 08/02/2019 22:26

I can't even begin to imagine DP and I taking DS away without DSD! She would be devastated, but to be honest we would all feel very upset as she is a part of OUR family! DS and DSD are not even blood related, but DS would think I was awful if I ever suggested a family holiday without taking her along. If DP ever suggested or indeed even agreed that it would be a good idea, I would completely lose all respect for him as a parent, and would have to think very seriously if he was the type of man I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

OP YABVU and need to rethink how you view your family unit. There are 4 people in your family, not 3 plus and inconvenient part time extra!

LtJudyHopps · 08/02/2019 22:26

People you talk to will say they understand. They really think you’re not very nice. I agree with your partner, you are nasty.

You don’t want your child to think he goes everywhere she goes?! How will she think that when he’s only there every other weekend, that’s not everywhere! You have say 12 days out of every 14 just the three of you!! Your poor ‘step’ son will know he isn’t welcome in your family. Poor kid :(

purpleboy · 08/02/2019 22:26

What a twisted way of thinking! I struggle to believe you can't see why this is so wrong.
My DD wasn't allowed to go on holiday with EH and his new girlfriend wanted it to be just their family. DD was heartbroken and the relationship has never recovered.
I can't understand women like you who think it's acceptable to leave Children out of "their family holidays" for whatever pathetic reason you give.
Good on your DH for standing up to you and telling you how nasty you are.

Drogosnextwife · 08/02/2019 22:30

Evil step mother alert!
Who are these people that see your point of veiw?
If you have another child will you leave that one behind so your DD doesn't think that it gets to go everywhere with you.
If I was your dp I wouldn't be staying with you after this.