Holidays with stepchildren and bio children

[Jessie20]

I have been arguing with my partner this evening about holidays! We have a 3 year old daughter together and he has a 9 year old son from previous relationship. We have him every other weekend and he comes on all trips in the uk with us! Me, my partner and daughter have been abroad every year but without him! Now my partner wants to take his son away abroad every year. Now I don’t know whether I’m sounding nasty, but I don’t want to take him away every year. I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel like every where she goes he goes! I’m happy to do one year on and one year off and he said well he’s my son and I want to do it and your nasty! People I’ve spoken to understand my thought of train but need advice/thoughts from others please

What’s normal for the family changes as the kids get bigger.

Maybe her DP feels like he shouldn’t have to compromise on taking both his children on holiday, and very few people would disagree with him.

it’s probably easier than dealing with bitter, resentful, greedy exes with ridiculously high expectations- you know, the type that have commented on this thread

It's really inconvenient for you that so many people posting on this thread are happy current wives, step-mothers themselves, and now-adults who used to be the left-out child.

But you carry on projecting. You're the one who went into a relationship with a father. How did you expect it to play out?

It's probably easier than dealing with bitter, resentful greedy exes

Ermm, isn't that what the OP is behaving like in this case?
After all, she clearly resents the existence of her partner's child and is greedy in the fact that she expects to have her partner all to herself and her own child, regardless of the effect being excluded will have on his son.
Oh, and considering her daughter gets to live with her dad and see him every day, isn't that even more reason to insist that step son gets to enjoy a holiday with his own father?

He’s not the OP’s fucking child

He's the OP's DP's fucking child and he wants to holiday with both of his children. That doesn't sound remotely unreasonable to me.

Oh, and considering her daughter gets to live with her dad and see him every day, isn't that even more reason to insist that step son gets to enjoy a holiday with his own father?

This

The only fair compromise to all of this is DP goes on holiday with his children and OP stays at home.

I agree contraceptionismyfriend.

He actually sounds like a decent dad

For context exh and his new baby and gf are on holiday right now. The dds weren't invited and doubt they ever will be.

My Dad & SM went on holiday without me and my eldest sister a lot. They took us away once a year as a family of 6 in the UK, and then went on holiday somewhere abroad as a foursome with just my littlest sister and my brother (my SM's bio children).

Whether or not it was objectively fair, it hurt our feelings very badly. We felt different, and second best. We never said so, for fear of causing trouble, or making ourselves even less loveable.

It (not just the holidays, but they were symptomatic of feeling second best) contributed to me being desperate for my Dad's affection, approval and attention and I believe to some pretty self destructive behaviour in my 20s. I'm only now as I approach 40 starting to realise how much it has shaped my character.

I'm not judging you, I'm just letting you know my experience of being on the other side of your dilemma.

Especially tough to accept if the step-mother's bio children get to go along, but not the dad's.

Again - I take my hat off to anyone parenting step-kids, and doing it well.

I couldn't do it, just as the OP and her buddy on this thread don't seem to have what it takes, either. Luckily, I'm not inflicting myself on anyone.

The way you love your DD and want her with you, is the same way he loves his DS and wants him with him.

Your DD sees her dad every day. She already has an advantage in that regard... why would you begrudge him spending more time with you all as a family?

The son is missing out on a good relationship with his dad, due to seeing him 2/14 days as it is.

I know its human nature to view things from your own perspective, but have you thought of how his DS feels about it? That he only gets the cheap UK holidays and he's not worth it or good enough to be taken abroad?

These kind of things can affect s child's sense of worth and it stays with them through adulthood.

You don't love him like he's yours...which is fine... I wouldn't expect that.....but your DP loves his children equally and wants to treat them equally as much as he can.

I also think that if you really loved your partner OP, you'd want him to be happy, so why are you ok with making him unhappy by trying to exclude his son?

The same argument could be used by the op about her dp surely though? So that's not really fair.
The ops chidlten is under school age. I'd just holiday in term time with the little one as cheap and then go on a family holiday in school holidays with everyone. It's fair and means best of both world money wise and it's only for next few years until her chidlten is 5 anyway. Or alternatively go when your step son is away with his m and also go on another fmaily holiday. No arguments as everyone is getting a nice break both together and not.
That's what we do and I honestly don't see the harm.

Not sure if anyone has said it already op, but no one is stopping you going on holiday just with your DD. You and her could go away. That would be just like DSS going away with his own mum. But if your DH is going with you then he should, and wants to, take his son as well

I’m not sure but I suppose an alternative MIGHT be that you, DH and DD go away during school hols but then DH and DSS have a trip away too. That way DSS sees that they both get time with dad alone. Would be a shame though for siblings not to holiday together.