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Original poster

Holidays with stepchildren and bio children

290 replies

Jessie20 · 08/02/2019 22:01

I have been arguing with my partner this evening about holidays! We have a 3 year old daughter together and he has a 9 year old son from previous relationship. We have him every other weekend and he comes on all trips in the uk with us! Me, my partner and daughter have been abroad every year but without him! Now my partner wants to take his son away abroad every year. Now I don’t know whether I’m sounding nasty, but I don’t want to take him away every year. I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel like every where she goes he goes! I’m happy to do one year on and one year off and he said well he’s my son and I want to do it and your nasty! People I’ve spoken to understand my thought of train but need advice/thoughts from others please

OP posts:
CaseofEllen · 08/02/2019 22:32

YABVU!

olderthanyouthink · 08/02/2019 22:35

Where ever I went on holiday my brother came along too, it often mean we couldn't go or do things I wanted to do (he has SN) but theme the brakes when you have a sibling. Your daughter has a sibling, you chose that, and she may enjoy spending more time with her big brother. YABU

zod1ac19 · 08/02/2019 22:35

You were brave posting this OP, it was bound to end up in you being pasted.

I think in reality a lot of second wives can see what you mean but don’t voice it for fear of being seen to be mean.

We did a mix of holidays with and without DSC, they also went away on holidays with their mother and stepfather so got lots of holidays between her and us. In fact their mum was really sniffy about us getting them passports and sabotaged it so we had to apply three times (subtle things like signing outside the box etc) as I think she was jealous we could afford to take them abroad and she couldn’t. (I earned significantly more than DH at that time).

You must remember step mums generally get blasted on here.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
EstrellaDamn · 08/02/2019 22:38

But @zod1ac19 the OP seems to be the only reason the kid isn't getting to go! Hardly misplaced blame is it?

Pimmsypimms · 08/02/2019 22:41

YABVVU. I doubt very much that the friends you have talked to about this do actually think that you are being reasonable in your attitude, they more than likely think that you are being really nasty. Put yourself in your DP's shoes. Would you honestly be happy if this was his response to taking your child on holiday every year?? I really doubt it!!!
Poor boy Sad

Lollypop701 · 08/02/2019 22:43

You are sounding nasty tbh. This is not about your daughter. At 3 she loves her big brother. You don’t want to look after HiS son. Why did you get involved with a man with a child if you didn’t want his child? If you split should he have separate holidays with each child? Get a grip

seeingdots · 08/02/2019 22:44

YABU. Your DSS is part of the family and should be included as such. It works both ways as well - maybe your DSS would prefer to have trips abroad with his dad without his little sister around. How would you feel about your DD being left out of family holidays with her father?

MummyDummyNow · 08/02/2019 22:45

Wow, nasty stepmothers still exist, who knew?

Dextrodependant · 08/02/2019 22:46

Yabu. His son is part of your family. How would you feel about leaving your daughter at home every other year because his son shouldn't have to share his dad every time he sees him!

Lasvegas · 08/02/2019 22:49

In my situation the step kids mum took them on an overseas holiday once a year. Their dad my Dh took them on a holiday once a year.

Sometime my self and our DD would join the holiday. most of the time we didn’t as dates didn’t work out or it was not a place I wanted to visit.

Once a year DH and Dd did a holiday.

Then once a year me and DD would do a holiday alone.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 08/02/2019 22:54

Sorry to say, but that really is a nasty attitude towards your dss.

Coppermine · 08/02/2019 22:55

Wow. I'm not sure you are going to find anyone here that will agree with you. I'm surprised you have in real life although like a PP said, maybe they are just saying that to your face but thinking like everyone here.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 08/02/2019 22:57

Nasty.

Helmlover · 08/02/2019 23:06

I disagree with the majority of posters. My partner and I go on holidays sometimes with his kids and sometimes without. Likewise, I also have holidays/short breaks away with my mum and friends without my partner, and no one ever kicks up a fuss. It’s perfectly fine to mix and match, as long as you’re not excluding your step son completely- which you’re not doing as you still take him on some holidays with you.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 08/02/2019 23:06

If you had an older child, not your current DP's child, would you be happy not taking them on your family holiday each year?

celtiethree · 08/02/2019 23:09

Well if your DD is entitled to a holiday without her half brother then perhaps a 3 year cycle. Your DH should have one joint i.e. all of you, one you and DD and one with him and his DS. How does that feel?

Stompythedinosaur · 08/02/2019 23:10

It's quite normal for siblings to have to go a lot of places together.

I think YABU.

talktoo · 08/02/2019 23:11

I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel like every where she goes he goes!
Why not? He's her brother! Ok half brother but that's still a brother!What would she feel if you had another child? Would you still feel your DD would suffer in some way for having to feel like everywhere she goes, her fully bio brother had to come? You are seriously showing your nasty! You obv don't welcome your stepson into your life and I'm amazed your DP chose to stay with someone who do blatantly resent his first DS! This is a life long relationship! You'd better grow up and understand this! And yes! I did use too many !!!! Because you did! Smh.

EstrellaDamn · 08/02/2019 23:16

But @Helmlover the OP is advocating for the exclusion of only one family member, not a mix and match approach like you have. Quite a big difference there I think.

HakunaRattatas · 08/02/2019 23:17

If this is real then you are loathsome. I genuinely hope you are a troll. But if not you have no excuse, no conceivable justification and need to take a long hard look at yourself. I hope your child does not inherit your spite.

Livedandlearned · 08/02/2019 23:21

I'm a second wife and a step mother and I don't feel the same as the op. If I did I'd say it on here.

She's being mean and it will be too late to undo any emotional damage that is caused by her dss being left out.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 08/02/2019 23:24

I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel like every where she goes he goes!

They’re siblings! Siblings tend to be on holiday together. What a strange way of thinking you have. Why on earth. Would she think it strange that her brother was always on holiday with her? Confused

WatchingFromTheWings · 08/02/2019 23:29

he said well he’s my son and I want to do it and your nasty!

He's spot on! His son is as much a part of the family as DD.

PrismGuile · 08/02/2019 23:31

This reply has been deleted

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Holidayshopping · 08/02/2019 23:32

Christ-he’s 9. Be nice.