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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 27/01/2019 14:53

Not sure but seems unlikely IME. Step parent adoption is discouraged in the UK and very hard to get.

He should probably consider pushing through court to get contact if he wants it though - is there a reason why he didn't after the mediation failed?

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:56

He is severely dyslexic and finds forms/court terrifying. He can't afford a solicitor. I helped him with the letters requesting contact but I live in Oz and could not help him with the court process.

She is also extremely intimidating/volatile and has a large support network around her, my brother does not and is a very timid person I'm afraid.

OP posts:

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:02

Maybe as he hasn't seen his daughter for 7 years he should allow the step father to adopt? He's clearly been present in her life, and given that CM payments would stop it would be fair to assume that he's a decent person who is happy to have a reduced household income in order to adopt her.

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Racecardriver · 27/01/2019 15:06

Why doesn’t he want to consent? He hasn’t seen his child in years. At this point it’s really not any of his business.

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:08

my brother sees it more as whats best for his DD - not his ex and her partner and their idea of a family unit. Maybe one day dd will want to know the truth and will find out that her mother ignored contact requests, returned presents and cards. DD also has 2 sisters that she cannot see. How would she feel knowing her bio dad just gave her up to be adopted.

OP posts:

AdaColeman · 27/01/2019 15:09

What are his reasons for refusing consent for the adoption?

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:09

Because racecar the mother refused his requests for contact and now wants to pretend he never existed. Not in DDs best interest long term, surely.

OP posts:

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:10

Because he wanted contact with his DD. Why on earth would he want to give her up for adoption.

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trapped2019 · 27/01/2019 15:18

Hang on, I thought he blocked contact with her because she is unstable?

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:20

Yes he did when dd was 9 months old. When she was 3 years old he sent presents and cards he'd been keeping for her, wrote letters asking for contact, went to mediator. Was blanked by the mother.

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ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:25

He hasn’t exactly tried very hard to be a parent to her himself. Sounds like her stepfather is parenting her and wants to legally be her parent. Your DB is being unreasonable to withhold that. He’s doing it for his own reasons. He isn’t actually interested in the child. The past 7 years have proven that.

RomanyRoots · 27/01/2019 15:26

It won't look good that he hasn't been in his child's life and been to court for his parental rights.
However, she can not ask for adoption without his permission.
The new partner will be the child's dad anyway, as the real Dad, doesn't want to know.

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:26

You're not paining your brother in a particularly good light here.... he blocked his ex, then did sweet FA for 2.5 years about contact. Then contacted a mediator but found the forms too difficult, despite having your help.

In the meantime the child has a decent relationship with your father, so why hasn't your brother asked your father for help given that contact between child's mother and child's grandfather is presumably positive.

You've admitted he doesn't want to agree to the adoption because the mother refused requests for contact - to get at her then, not because he thinks it would be best for the child.

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:28

So you would be perfectly happy to find out as an adult that your mother had ignored requests and presents by your father, your two half siblings, on your behalf when you were not old enough to decide for yourself, then had you adopted by your step dad and all legal ties between your father and siblings severed - again, when you were too young to know the whole story or understand?

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ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:31

I would say if my father had blocked my mother and not bothered with me for the first 7 years of my life she had done the right thing.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/01/2019 15:31

I'd be pretty fucked off if my father had totally ignored my existence until I turned three, couldn't be arsed to fight for contact, then blocked me from being adopted by the person I saw as my dad...

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:31

Our father refuses to get involved in anyway possible - he will not say anything to the ex in fear of her stopping contact.

No my brother isn't above reproach for sure. He doesn't want to consent because he wanted a relationship with his dd, not to get at the mother. he has no interest in severing the legal ties/pr.

OP posts:

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:33

Ok so youd be perfectly fine with your mum refusing contact when your father wanted it? You'd just be fcked off with him for being scared of the court system. ok

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Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 15:34

Unless people have actually experienced parental alienation /being prevented from seeing your own dc then comments about your db are ones made in ignorance ime.
In his shoes he should prevent the adoption and await the opportunity to rebuild a relationship with his dc. However long he needs to wait.

CountessVonBoobs · 27/01/2019 15:34

Look, he either has to be all in or all out here. He either has to initiate the court process to get contact, or he should stop pissing about and cede PR. A court is not going to be particularly impressed that an adult with no SN and a child to think of was "too timid" to initiate the court process or do much of anything for a count of multiple years.

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:34

he has no interest in severing the legal ties/pr.

No I bet he doesn't. Quite happy to have the legal ability to stop her taking the child on holiday, make school and health decisions. But can't be arsed to do any actual parenting and refuses to let the bloke who has been doing parenting for three quarters of the child's life have any legal responsibility.

Original poster

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:35

Countess do you have experience of the family court then? Because it was my impression that courts are really not impressed with mothers that withhold contact to punish their ex.

OP posts:

Ginnymweasley · 27/01/2019 15:35

What was he doing in the 2 and a bit years between 9 months and 3 yrs old? Why didn't he push for contact then? I get that he might find forms etc difficult. But he could have gotten some free advice from a solicitor. He could have saved money up to pay for a solicitor. You have to admit he could have tried harder regardless of the mothers situation.
My sister's dad was the same disappeared out of their lives when they were toddlers, didn't see them for years but refused the adoption by my dad. They still think of my dad as their dad though as he was the one who raised them.

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:35

You'd just be fcked off with him for being scared of the court system. ok

I'd be fucked off with him prioritising his fear over wanting to be part of my life. Yes actually I would.

Cuttingthegrass · 27/01/2019 15:36

If the child has a relationship with your father, whom she calls Grandpa, I don’t understand how your brother hasn’t been able to use this contact to develop his own relationship with his DD. His father has clearly managed to remain in contact

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