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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:17

Waitrose, I wanted to know what happens when an adoption is contested.

OP posts:
TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 16:18

And you've got your answer to that, surely?

Bishalisha · 27/01/2019 16:18

OP I think you need to post on the Fathers 4 Justice forums. I’m sure they’ll tell you exactly what you want to hear over there

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law
Butchyrestingface · 27/01/2019 16:18

Butchy she used to ring him up to 50 times a day, he had to block her number because of the constant streams of text messages and deranged emotional blackmail. She was IMPOSSIBLE to negotiate with.

That's what courts and solicitors are for. He had options. He choose to abandon his child rather than fight for her.

That would piss me off, especially if it transpires, as you say, the mother is unstable.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:18

ted and lola, Im glad you enjoy namecalling regarding a situation you don't know fuck all about. Well done you. How old are you?

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/01/2019 16:18

My nephew had nothing to do with his two children. He let the younger one be adopted by his ex's new partner but it was so much easier to control his ex by refusing to allow the older child to be adopted - remember he never say her or paid any maint. And no, the courts woudlnt allow her to be adopted. Once she was 15 she instigated the adoption procedure and her step father is now her legal father.

StrawberryBlondeRed · 27/01/2019 16:19

Mother of your neice can't force the adoption. Consent would need to be obtained from biological dad. If your brother does not consent to the adoption, your neice can consent to being adopted by step-dad when she turns 18.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:19

But people have offered you advice based on experience and you've just ignored it, I assume because it's not what you want to hear?
If the adoption is not granted (unlikely) your brother's ex would have a very strong case for removal of pr if nothing else.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:19

Trixie, all ive had is a load of vitriol. Which one of you has posted legal advice???? What happens when an adoption is contested, what is the process?

OP posts:
Ginnymweasley · 27/01/2019 16:19

You should have said you only wanted advice from people that agreed with You, would have saved a lot of time I imagine.

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 16:20

This is something I looked into a decade ago, and there's so much red tape and the process is arduous. Even though D(S)S had been in my life since before he was two, and his birth father hadn't seen him in that time period a family solicitor advised against it.

DS was 15 at the time. In the end we both decided it wasn't necessary as I'd been his dad for so long, and him my son.

www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/stepfamilies/stepfamilies-legal-information/adopting-stepchildren/ has lots of information.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:21

The judge can decide what is in the best interests of the child based on the evidence available, as explained roly. The child, at 7, will likely be asked her opinion on the adoption (in an age appropriate way).

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:21

waitrose what is the legal process in court though? do they send someone out to speak to all parties involved??? how do they make the decision?!

OP posts:
Yabbers · 27/01/2019 16:21

There are manychildren who have grown up and hated their mothers for stopping their relationship with their fathers.

There are many more who have grown up hating their fathers because they never bothered trying to make contact.

I wanted to know what happens when an adoption is contested.
It goes to court. But as he’s too scared, and won’t pay for a solicitor, he won’t be able to make a case.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:22

Ginny I've asked for advice regarding the court process, not opinions on my brother.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:22

Thank you to all who have given me advice

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:22

@StrawberryBlondeRed that's incorrect.

TedAndLola · 27/01/2019 16:22

ted and lola, Im glad you enjoy namecalling regarding a situation you don't know fuck all about

I only know what you've told us, and it's glaringly obvious that your brother is a deadbeat and the little girl would be better off having her real father recognised as such. Do you have any new information?

Ginnymweasley · 27/01/2019 16:24

People did answer you but you chose to ignore some like waitrose for ages and just called others names. The fact your brother didn't bother for years is relevant whether you like it or not

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:24

Yes roly it's a very thorough process and a social worker will conduct numerous interviews with everyone involved, maybe even including you. They will then present a report and make recommendations to the judge in that report and the judge will make a decision based on that.

Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 16:25

As someone who is on the other side of this i have no sympathy for your brother. My DD is 6, her sperm donor hasn't bothered with her since she was 6 months. Sure he makes some half hearted 'attempts' at contact when his relationships break down, but they never last because he doesn't give a crap.
Your brother's ex can't be that unstable if she has successfully raised his child for 7 years alone. Sounds like a LOT more to it.

I have to ask permission from my ex for DD to be adopted. It will likely be refused. I will take it to court & i hope your niece's mum does the same. There's no excuse for not fighting for your child

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 16:26

The adoption can proceed without his consent if the court think that’s best for the child.

It can but from my experience was told courts vastly prefer not to. (Any abuse issues notwithstanding obviously).

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:27

@SimplySteve that's such a shame. We found it a very simple (though admittedly long!) process.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:28

And no abuse, just as below, a father that wasn't arsed.

Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 16:32

We have been given advice that unless ex can provide good reason for not being around, show that him losing all rights to DD would somehow be detrimental to her etc, then it is likely we will be granted adoption. We have a stable home life, DD now has a sibling & DP has provided for her as if she was his. Her sperm donor has done sweet f all