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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:46

This child is a human being ffs

Yes. One who has been abandoned by her father her entire life because he is “scared” of filing a few pieces of paper.

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:46

This child is a human being ffs.
You should probably remind your brother of that...

ShawshanksRedemption · 27/01/2019 15:46

"The daughter has RIGHTS to have contact with her father and siblings."

Absolutely. And your DB had a responsibility to gain this, through court if the mother was blocking it.

Will he go to court now for access?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law
Ginnymweasley · 27/01/2019 15:47

She still could know her father if your brother cba to go to court. How do you think she will feel when she realises that he wanted contact but was to scared to apply for it? Do you think she will feel wanted? Loved?

Moondancer73 · 27/01/2019 15:47

I'm sorry but being worried by court and being dyslexic is no reason to cut ties with his child. If he hasn't bothered for all this time then frankly I don't see that he has a leg to stand on

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 27/01/2019 15:47

Not everyone's mental health can cope with court. After 4 years of hell with exh I had ptsd and dropped from 9 stone to under 7..

Whisky2014 · 27/01/2019 15:47

7 years old. Christ I think he should consent to it. He is no father.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/01/2019 15:48

Yes, they're a child. A 7 year old whose biological father has never made any significant effort to see them, to whom he is a complete stranger. Whose father believed that their mother was so unstable that he blocked all contact for 2 1/2 years, but abandoned a vulnerable baby with her. A child who has a dad, who has actually been looking after them for years, and who wants to become their legal father.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:50

He has debilitating confidence issues, I cannot believe that none of you can conceive of someone finding the court system incredibly intimidating and that because he hasn't gone to court to force the mother to allow him access that he should just give his child away legally.

No wonder the courts have started being harsh with mothers regarding their attitudes to biological fathers.

OP posts:
WH1SPERS · 27/01/2019 15:53

He gave his child away 7 years ago when he walked out of her life.

He’s never been a father to the child.

This isn’t about “ his legal rights “. It’s about the child’s welfare. Children can’t put their lives on hold until their feckless father suddenly decides he wants to see them .

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:53

He requested contact with dd when she was 3 because that is when the mother had stopped publically throwing tantrums and acting quite frankly psychotic regarding the whole situation. She actually said to one of his friends "he doesn't deserve to see her" - this is not about what he deserves its about the childs right to a relationship with her bio father surely.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 15:54

Eh?! I think you're going to find out soon exactly what the courts take a very dim view of. Absent fathers. I do too.
When you become a parent you have to do terrifying things. Your brother hasn't because, to be blunt, he has not been a parent to that child.
The absolute kindest thing he could do is allow her real Dad to be recognised as just that, in every sense including legally.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:54

I think he'd be letting the kid down to just give her away for adoption, just because he's scared of court. The lot of you are so callous.

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 27/01/2019 15:54

The situations is though @rolypoly85 is that your DB, due to his issues, isn't a dad to his DD. That's not his DDs fault. She has someone who is a dad to her, but cannot do anything legally for her. Your DB refusing adoption will mean it keeps the status quo and the DD still won't see your DB or her siblings. I find it all a bit sad.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:56

Waitrose I think youd be the one who would be surprised by a judges opinion to be honest - they have plenty of experience of mothers like this who use their children as a tool to punish the father for not jumping through their hoops.

OP posts:
ChrisjenAvasarala · 27/01/2019 15:56

It doesn't always end up in court. Quite often it doesn't get near court.

They obviously struggled communicating with each other when it call first happened. Did he contact a mediator? It's very easy. You Google for mediators in your area, then you call them. Give them all the details and they will contact the ex. Did he do That? They could have talked through a mediator.

Did he have a solicitor send her letters at the time explaining why contact between them was difficult, so they should formais it with solicitors sorting out the agreement?

Court probably wouldn't have been needed. Did he try those? Or did he just swan off and leave the kid?

His issues are his issues. As a parent, you need to put them aside and work for your child's sake. He didn't do that at the time. And he hasn't done anything about it since. Of course she won't let him in years down the line. The child has a dad and is happy and settled. As a mother, she won't want to disturb her child's home life and wellbeing.

I'm single. My kids have no father figure. That's why I said yes to my ex. If there's a chance that he has grown up then my kids deserve a chance at having a father figure. If I'd been in a stable relationship and they already had that, after almost 5 years of no contact from me ex... my answer may well have been different.

slashlover · 27/01/2019 15:57

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her.

and

He requested contact with dd when she was 3 because that is when the mother had stopped publically throwing tantrums and acting quite frankly psychotic regarding the whole situation.

So he left a 9 month old with a woman he felt was unstable/bitter/psychotic?

You keep talking about the child's rights to know her father and step siblings. Your DB clearly didn't care about those rights when he abandoned her when she was 9 months old.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:57

Shawshank how would adoption benefit the child. What could the stepdad do that he cannot already being the partner of the mother. DB would happily consent to him being another person with PR but not giving up his own.

OP posts:
WH1SPERS · 27/01/2019 15:57

He left His child for 3 YEARS with a woman who was psychotic ? What did social services say when he went to them, concerned about the child welfare?

Didn’t the police notice her psychosis when they arrested her for her public tantrums ?

How many days and nights a week was your brother looking after the child for the first 3 years of her life ?

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:58

chrisjen read my previous posts.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 27/01/2019 15:58

because he hasn't gone to court to force the mother to allow him access that he should just give his child away legally.
She isn’t his to “give away” He has made no real effort to see her. A set of presents when she was 3 then nothing? Grandpa made an effort and is able to see her and I dare say that will continue.

He can’t afford a solicitor and is scared of paperwork, exactly what will he do to enrich the girl’s life? If he was so desperate to be her father he would have dealt with that fear by now, but he chose not to and now doesn’t want the man who has raised her to be considered as her father?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:58

I think he'd be letting the kid down to just give her away for adoption, just because he's scared of court.

He’s already letting her down. How is preventing her dad be legally responsible for her benefitting her?

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:58

Whispers youre not worth talking to to be honest, youre so closed minded its laughable.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 15:58

Oh trust me I wouldn't roly. Been there, done that, heard all the excuses!
7 years. 7 years! You should be thoroughly embarrassed of your brothers actions but instead you try to make villains of the parents that have stuck around and parented. It's astounding.

Ngaio2 · 27/01/2019 15:59

Yes, OP, a young human being who needs consistency in parenting. Ou can’t turn that off and on. What is a reliable stepfather had it been in the picture - child would hav mised out on having a father’s influence.
In this case adoption merely makes a de facto situation de jure to the child’s benefit.
Adoption will not mean your niece can’t make contact with her father when she is 18. She will not be prevented from finding out about the circumstances of her early life if she chooses to do so.
There are not many parents on MN who would not movheaven and earth to remain in contact with their DDC, whatever the circumstances. Your DBs excuses are very weak and don’t reassure one that any contact arranged would be consistent

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