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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 16:08

and has tried to get involved. It’s the mother who has rejected this.

Not for 4 years. Meanwhile mum has been facilitating a relationship between child and paternal grandparent. Suggesting she isn’t opposed to the child having relationship with the family at all. It just looks like the father hasn’t/isn’t bothered.

CountessVonBoobs · 27/01/2019 16:09

So basically anyone who DOES have experience of the family courts and advises you that your brother's case isn't strong is a screaming, hysterical harpy. The only opinion that isn't hysterical is one that agrees with you. Right?

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:09

thank you maya! There are manychildren who have grown up and hated their mothers for stopping their relationship with their fathers.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law
Butchyrestingface · 27/01/2019 16:09

He requested contact with dd when she was 3 because that is when the mother had stopped publically throwing tantrums and acting quite frankly psychotic regarding the whole situation.

If she was so psychotic, why did your brother just abandon his child with such an unstable person? He should have petitioned for full custody. What possible justification could he have just leaving his kid with a person who was so unstable?

The stepfather may be the only good, stable influence in this child's life.

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:10

This reply has been deleted

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Yabbers · 27/01/2019 16:10

The rest of you are deluded.
A man ignores his child for 7 years, want to contest an adoption, all because he’s scared. He left a child with a mother who is apparently deranged and psychotic (although clearly has formed a healthy relationship with someone else) His own father wouldn’t help his son see his child. You think this is perfectly ok, but it is the rest of us who are deluded?

Yes, he can contest the adoption, but he will likely have to go to court. I expect that means his ex will be able to do it after all because, you know, scared of court and all that.

TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 16:10

Oh for fuck sake OP what a cunty thing to say.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:10

Butchy she was perfectly capable of looking after their dd. she just spent a lot of time on the internet and the phone stalking and displaying her dirty laundry.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:11

Trixie none of you had said cunty things on this thread regarding my DB?

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 27/01/2019 16:12

my brother sees it more as whats best for his DD - not his ex and her partner and their idea of a family unit.

What would have best best for her is for him to have gone to court for access when she was nine months old. He clearly isn't interested enough in her welfare to have done that at any point over the last seven years.

Let her real father adopt her. Your brother is just a sperm donor.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:12

If it goes to court my DB will be requesting contact.

OP posts:
ChrisjenAvasarala · 27/01/2019 16:12

If you'd posted this situation 6/7 years ago, everyone would have been on your brother's side.

But now, he's left it for years. A few letters does not a fight for contact make. And the fact that his first attempt was years after cutting contact explains why she said no. He cut contact. She was left to pick up the pieces and then had a new relationship and essentially, formed a family by the time he got back in touch. He can't expect to disrupt that.

She may be right, she may be wrong, but he chose not to fight 4 years ago. He chose not to fight 6/7 years ago. What she did doesn't matter at all because it would out of his control. But what he did speaks volumes, and he did nothing but wait a couple of years and then write a couple of letters....

He didn't try. Now it's time to let the child grow up in that family, or fight properly.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:12

@BollocksToBrexit all the live for your awesome strong Daughter!

TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 16:12

No, everything that's been said to you has been based of off the information provided by you. @BollocksToBrexit is testament to that, and you don't like it which is why you said what you did.

Butchyrestingface · 27/01/2019 16:13

Butchy she was perfectly capable of looking after their dd. she just spent a lot of time on the internet and the phone stalking and displaying her dirty laundry.

I can certainly see why the above would be enough to put the fear of God into a grown man to the extent that he abandons his child for years. He must have been sleeping with one eye open at the thought of his ex's internet surfing habit. Hmm

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:13

So you all honestly believe she will not be damaged by the fact that her father just gave her up for adoption????

OP posts:
TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 16:14

@rolypoly85 no, he might as well have given her up for adoption when he decided to cut contact and block them.

TedAndLola · 27/01/2019 16:14

So you all honestly believe she will not be damaged by the fact that her father just gave her up for adoption????

I think she'll be damaged by her sperm donor not bothering to try to see her for her entire life, yes.

Hopefully the fact that her real father has been a constant presence, and clearly loves her, will make up for it.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:14

Butchy she used to ring him up to 50 times a day, he had to block her number because of the constant streams of text messages and deranged emotional blackmail. She was IMPOSSIBLE to negotiate with.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 27/01/2019 16:15

She’s already damaged by him abandoning her

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 16:16

Her mother had a massive part in her lack of relationship with her father. One day she will wake up to that.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 16:16

You've made up your mind about everything...what advice is it that you're after?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 16:16

If it goes to court my DB will be requesting contact.

Why doesn’t he do that anyway? Before it even gets to court? Because if he waits until it gets to court then it will look like he is just requesting contact because they took him to court and not because he actually wants contact. Which is the truth really, he will only be doing it to make things awkward for them. It certainly won’t be for the child and the judge will see that.

Butchyrestingface · 27/01/2019 16:16

So you all honestly believe she will not be damaged by the fact that her father just gave her up for adoption????

As per PP, she'll more likely be damaged by the fact her biological father just checked out of her life. Hardly an uncommon experience though, she'll likely have friends in the same situation so she won't feel like a pariah.

Luckily, it sounds like her mother managed to find a surrogate father willing to adopt her.

TedAndLola · 27/01/2019 16:17

The blame lies squarely with your DB (Deadbeat Brother) and she will know that.

Maybe someday YOU will wake up...

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