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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:36

Titchy not everyone is capable of going through court as a litigant in person.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:36

Ok so youd be perfectly fine with your mum refusing contact when your father wanted it?

I’d suspect she had good reason. His lack of action suggests she does.

You'd just be fcked off with him for being scared of the court system.

Scared? What a cop out. Does he have everyone in the family making excuses for him or just you?

ChrisjenAvasarala · 27/01/2019 15:36

He cut off contact and ignored them for 2 and a half years, then when he decided he wanted contact he sent some letters and expected her to fall over herself to allow him in? When he'd shown no commitment or interest in the child for years?

The girl has a dad, in all the ways that matter. He could have got legal aid years ago and gone to court when it all first happened. He didn't because it didn't mean enough to try.

I'm on the other side of this right now. Havnt hears from their dad for 4 and a half years (came home one day and all his stuff was gone, then was told he simply wanted his own life back without kids). Now he's emailed wanting to be involved with the children. I've said yes, and they are forming a relationship but I was so so close to ignoring him. And I won't blame her for ignoring your brothers requests.

Interested in this thread?

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Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:36

cutting read my pp about our father refusing to get involved.

OP posts:
WH1SPERS · 27/01/2019 15:37

It’s not a matter of what the mother can “force”.

The court will consider what is in the best interest of the child. They will note that the bio father hasn’t seen her since she was a baby and she is now 7.

They will also note that the child has a relationship with her grandfather.

The court will consider if your brother’s reasons for not giving consent are reasonable. These seem to be that the mother blocked contact when he wanted it 4 years ago.

The adoption can proceed without his consent if the court think that’s best for the child.

You will be pleased to know that if the mother is indeed unstable, then this will be included in the report that social services and the guardian ad litem make to the court .

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:37

await the opportunity to rebuild a relationship with his dc.

Hmm or he could actually go through court and try and gain access.

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:38

Titchy not everyone is capable of going through court as a litigant in person.

Solicitor. And actually lots of people are LIPs now that legal aid has been withdrawn from family cases. So yes, he hasn't prioritised her. He should have.

ShawshanksRedemption · 27/01/2019 15:38

If DD calls your father Grandpa, does she have a relationship with him? See him regularly? If yes, then why isn't Grandpa supporting his son in getting access?

Your DB stopped contact when DD was 9mths due to mother's behaviour. Was that in DD best interests?

"not his ex and her partner and their idea of a family unit."
Are you aware you seem resentful of this? What do you mean by "their idea of a family unit"?

I understand it can be tough for your DB with his dyslexia and court papers etc, but did he try getting help via CAB if your own father is not around to support.

I'll be honest some of it sounds like your DB backed off for an easier life at first due to his ex, then wanted contact at 3yrs (why then?), didn't pursue it, and now refusing adoption. If he wants to have a relationship with his DD then he needs to push for it, because at the moment he doesn't have one and is stopping her from the man she sees as dad having parental responsibility for her. If he just wants to back off for an easier life due to his ex, and does not want to go to court for access, then withholding adoption seems like a punishment.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 27/01/2019 15:38

Wait, your dad has contact?!?! His won dad has contact, and is called grampa but your brother did fuck all to be involved?

Yeah, I'm not buying the idea that he wanted to be involved. He had a very easy road in with his own dad being involved, but didn't bother. He should let the child have the dad who has been there for her.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:39

I am amazed how frivolously you all agree with a mother refusing her ex contact with their child. I really don't think the courts would say she had covered herself in glory by trying to pretend he doesn't exist. The daughter has RIGHTS to have contact with her father and siblings.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 15:40

Not sure but seems unlikely IME. Step parent adoption is discouraged in the UK and very hard to get.

What on Earth makes you think that?!

The judge can decide what is in the best interests of the child based on the evidence available. As the step parent has been parenting for 6 years and your brother has not had contact for more than that, I'd say it's pretty likely the adoption would be granted actually. Sorry op.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:40

he has no interest in severing the legal ties/pr.

await the opportunity to rebuild a relationship with his dc.

I’m just imagining him going to court to explain why he won’t allow her to be adopted by the man who is raising her

Judge: “so you don’t want to raise, see or have anything to do with this child yourself but you won’t let the man who does be her legal father? Confused”

titchy · 27/01/2019 15:41

The daughter has RIGHTS to have contact with her father and siblings.

Agreed. And if your brother had got off his arse and done something about that, the court would also have agreed and he wouldn't be where he is now.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:41

chrisjen have you actually read what I said about our father REFUSING to support my db mediating for contact. he will not say anything to the ex in fear of rocking the boat!

OP posts:
Ginnymweasley · 27/01/2019 15:41

Your brother didn't do anything to uphold these rights of access though did He? I'm not sure that the excuse of been too timid to go to court really cuts it. There are many things I would be scared to do but for my children I would do anything no matter how much it terrified me.

Cuttingthegrass · 27/01/2019 15:41

Surely grandpa would have happily given the presents from your brother when she saw the child? How is your brothers relationship with your father?

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:42

Erm, he does want contact though, he just cant cope with going to court to get it. He wont be the only father in the world who has been stopped by being afraid of court.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:43

cutting she refused to accept them and our father took them back to db.

OP posts:
titchy · 27/01/2019 15:44

He wont be the only father in the world who has been stopped by being afraid of court.

Snort! Afraid? Can't be arsed more like. Would you be 'too afraid' of court if it was your child OP?

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:44

Ok Ginny, lets hope the daughter agrees with you and doesn't resent her mother when she finally finds out she could have known her father and siblings.

OP posts:
ChrisjenAvasarala · 27/01/2019 15:44

Roly, he cut off contact. He blocked all communication and wanted nothing to do with he kid.

The ex formed a relationship, the child had a stable father figure. Then your brother started sending letters... So? He walked away. She dealt with it. The child would have been happy and stable and essentially had 2 parents. Your brother was an unknown entity who had shown he wasn't committed or trustworthy, so she said no. Because he already showed her that he wasn't interested, and she's have no reason to believe he wouldn't swoop in, confuse the child and then swoop right back out again.

If he really wants it, then he has a legal route to gain contact. But he hasn't bothered so far.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 15:45

titchy I'm glad you see adoption as such a frivolous thing. This child is a human being ffs.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/01/2019 15:45

Afraid? Does he think he will get thrown in jail for going to court? What’s he afraid of?

CountessVonBoobs · 27/01/2019 15:46

Because it was my impression that courts are really not impressed with mothers that withhold contact to punish their ex.

They aren't. Which is why he should have gone to court. Seven years ago.

He didn't bother, and now whether the mother was reasonable or not matters less than the fact that your brother did not act to see his daughter and they have no relationship.

WH1SPERS · 27/01/2019 15:46

You seem to think that an adoption hearing is about deciding on the rights and wrongs of who did what 7 years ago.

It’s not. It’s about the best interest of the child, now and Throughout her childhood.

Whether or not you think the mother hasn’t covered herself in glory, she didn’t abandon her child.

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