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Original poster

give up high salary to be sahm?

198 replies

wwydnumber12345 · 24/01/2019 20:43

debate with DH

ill start by saying we are in a lucky situation, I know this. giving lots of info for full picture.

we are both relatively high earners - DH 90k, me 140k both salaries likely to grow. hours not horrendous, both FT, PT not an option, DC (2 and 9) in childcare from 7.30 - 6. childcare costs 950 p/m

we have dream house (well will be one day) - but although have a lot of equity, also have high enough mortgage that we both need to work. it also needs a lot of work. we also own second home, currently rented out, nice location, very close to where we are but a lot smaller. still would be big enough for our family. small mortgage.

dilemma

I want to stay home with the kids. I haven't been well (better now), we have had recent family bereavements, had complete mid life crisis and can't see the point in spending so long at work. DH loves his job, would not want to leave. I don't love mine.

Given all above. we could sell our house, move into and pay off mortgage of other one and have money to do up and have a nest egg. have a nice disposable salary from DH each month to maintain lifestyle, and BE HAPPY.

am I mad to think about dropping such a healthy salary? I know this would leave me financially exposed if DH ever did a runner. I genuinely have had an epiphany that is not material things that matter but everything else.

would be really keen to hear thoughts and also if anyone has made similar move.

OP posts:
Sausagefingers9 · 24/01/2019 20:46

How long would you want to be at home for?
It’s really hard to get back in to work after being off for so long. Can you not find a different job that’s part time?

Shazafied · 24/01/2019 20:46

I like your plan OP. I’d want more time with my kids over a showy house. £90k is a huge amount to live on. You could always work part time later on, perhaps not doing the exact same thing.

Being a SAHM can be dull though!

Holidayshopping · 24/01/2019 20:48

What does your DH say?

I wouldn’t for your the ‘DH doing a runner’ reason. I’ve also been here long enough to see countless women who have been out of the workforce for years whilst their husbands-who they’d earned the same as-salary had rocketed yet they were stuffed trying to get back on the career ladder.

FevertreeLight · 24/01/2019 20:49

What does your DH think?

If my DH came home and said he was giving up work then that would probably end our relationship as it would indicate that we want different things from life. But every couple is different.

GreenTulips · 24/01/2019 20:50

Can you take a career break?

GreenTulips · 24/01/2019 20:50

Also

Do you hire help? Gardening cleaner etc

bananaramaspyjamas · 24/01/2019 20:51

I would do it but try to keep some link to the big career, like a very PT job or consultancy elsewhere, so that you don't totally burn your bridges, if that's possible.

Littleraindrop15 · 24/01/2019 20:51

What does your husband say? As that is a lot of pressure for someone to take if you plan to stay sahm forever

Seline · 24/01/2019 20:52

You're mental if you have that kind of money and don't give up. Spend time with your kids, 90k is plenty.

BowBeau · 24/01/2019 20:53

If it was less than £30k I’d probably say stay at home. But you’re talking about a life changing amount of money. For your DC it’ll be the difference between private or state school, having expensive hobbies and opportunities to travel and being bought a house when they grow up. That money moves them into a whole different social class. If you quit you’re unlikely to get another job at the same level. In your shoes id continue working.

FevertreeLight · 24/01/2019 20:54

What would you do/think if he came home and said that he wanted to give up?

TiddleTaddleTat · 24/01/2019 20:55

Did you post recently for advice OP? You will only know if you give it a go.

Original poster
wwydnumber12345 · 24/01/2019 20:56

I've always been the career driven one - he's had a change of job an dis enjoying more now. he works to live ) although enjoys working and wouldn't want to be a sahd). I've always been more materialistic, but this has changed and I'm genuinely not now.

he wouldn't feel pressured as is secure in himself. I guess the mortgage free element takes a lot of the pressure off too.

OP posts:
TiddleTaddleTat · 24/01/2019 20:56

Did you post recently for advice OP? You will only know if you give it a go to see

HerRoyalNotness · 24/01/2019 20:58

Nope I wouldn’t.

Could you take a 6mth sabbatical and see how you get on?

Isawthesignanditopenedupmyeyes · 24/01/2019 20:59

Honestly? When you have a lot of money you don’t necessarily realise how hard it can be living on less.
Saying that £90k is a lot of money but may not go as far as you think depending on the lifestyle to which you are accustomed and it may not be as easy to cut your cloth when you are used to not having to think about money.

Burpsandfustles · 24/01/2019 21:00

It sounds like your in the perfect position to give up work and if your in such a high paid job surely you have some skills to easily get back into work?

I scrapped and we lived hand to mouth for a decade so I could be with our dc. It was hard hard graft.

If I was you I'd give it up in a flash.
You may find after a year you prefer your paying job 😂... But maybe part time.

You have options.

InDubiousBattle · 24/01/2019 21:00

I'd do it. £90k a year with no debt or mortgage is an awful lot to live on.

Original poster
wwydnumber12345 · 24/01/2019 21:00

I haven't posted recently, no

Im not too sure about the difference in lifestyles, think would be more maintaining if that makes sense? we live comfortably now. kids can do hobbies etc. they love their state school. difference is probably in disposable from 5k a month to 2.5k (5k after bills, high mortgage, 2.5k after bills, no mortgage to pay)

OP posts:
Burpsandfustles · 24/01/2019 21:01

7.30 to 6 is a very very long day for dc in childcare. Hardly luxery for them,

Seline · 24/01/2019 21:01

2.5k disposable income is insane. Do it.

minipie · 24/01/2019 21:02

I agree with the pps who suggested a 6 month sabbatical. Try living on DH salary, try being a full time SAHM and see how you feel.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/01/2019 21:02

As a family you take home 12k a month, your childcare is 950£ and you “both need to work”...how is that possible? Honestly money is to give you choices, if that choice is to stay at home then enjoy, life is too short

RicStar · 24/01/2019 21:03

I would be really bored and resent dp growing career and loss of things like travel, pension not having to worry about children's activities. I appreciate you may be different op. I have taken a lesser job though - and am considering a career shift. Is there something else you could do with more work life balance.

HavelockVetinari · 24/01/2019 21:06

I think you can only do this if your DH is truly on board (I.e. not begrudgingly). It's a shitload of pressure to be the sole earner, and he might not want a more frugal lifestyle that tbh only you would feel the benefits of.

I think you should negotiate PT hours with your work, or seek a new job that will allow PT whilst giving you more time at home. That's a reasonable compromise that doesn't ignore your DH's wants and needs.

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