give up high salary to be sahm?

[wwydnumber12345]

debate with DH

ill start by saying we are in a lucky situation, I know this. giving lots of info for full picture.

we are both relatively high earners - DH 90k, me 140k both salaries likely to grow. hours not horrendous, both FT, PT not an option, DC (2 and 9) in childcare from 7.30 - 6. childcare costs 950 p/m

we have dream house (well will be one day) - but although have a lot of equity, also have high enough mortgage that we both need to work. it also needs a lot of work. we also own second home, currently rented out, nice location, very close to where we are but a lot smaller. still would be big enough for our family. small mortgage.

dilemma

I want to stay home with the kids. I haven't been well (better now), we have had recent family bereavements, had complete mid life crisis and can't see the point in spending so long at work. DH loves his job, would not want to leave. I don't love mine.

Given all above. we could sell our house, move into and pay off mortgage of other one and have money to do up and have a nest egg. have a nice disposable salary from DH each month to maintain lifestyle, and BE HAPPY.

am I mad to think about dropping such a healthy salary? I know this would leave me financially exposed if DH ever did a runner. I genuinely have had an epiphany that is not material things that matter but everything else.

would be really keen to hear thoughts and also if anyone has made similar move.

maths a little out as some of salary is bonus related so paid in one month. need to wrk as current mortgage high (but affordable on current wage)

Op think about it like this, looking back from 15 years ahead, will you feel you have missed out on DCs if you don't give up?

If you do decide to give up maybe agree with DH to put a certain amount into your pension fund for some security.
Also consider PT home working, ie consultancy/board directorship or whatever relates to your role.....you may love being a SAHM or you may need some outside stimulation....

We earned slightly more than you, with a similar breakdown between DH and me. I wanted time with DD and so gave mine up. Like you, we were able to do this comfortably. However I found I missed working, and have started a consulting position 2 days a week. it feels like the perfect balance, and keeps the door open if I ever want (or need!) to return full time.

Im 41 if at all relevant...

I've just noticed how long your DC are in childcare - is that 5 days a week??

thats really interesting caffeine...

did you have any other regrets apart from missing work?

childcare - yes (some of that school, obviously)

Once the children are older and at school, what are your career options for returning? What could you conceivably earn after 5/10 years out?

Is your DH happy for you to be at home for 3 years/5/10/ever?

Bit shocked that you think it’s ok to send you kids to state school earning so much. I take it you are also intending to sponge off the state in your retirement? That would be a bad idea. I doubt that the next generation of retirees is going to have a decent quality of life without their own income. Also think of how difficult it will be for your children to support themselves if the government doesn’t majorly cut spending. You are very fortunate to be able to earn that much. You really should be using that to take financial responsibility for your family.

Sometimes I like to imagine my absolute dream life (disclaimer:it's not SAHM!) and see how close to it I can get and what would really make a difference. So maybe that's SAHM for you. I personally would exhaust other options first- e.g. taking 18 weeks parental leave for each child to make sure I actually would like that, maybe career break. You say part-time is not an option, but maybe moving to a part-time jobs is. Or part time consultancy. Or short-term contracts with months off in between. Or imagine yourself in 20 years looking back...will you be glad you were a SAHP? In 10 years your oldest will be (hopefully) independent

DH is honestly chilled about everything in life. returning would be extremely hard, transferring skills to new role more likely (although at much Lower pay)

Go part time in another but related field.

"Bit shocked that you think it’s ok to send you kids to state school earning so much. I take it you are also intending to sponge off the state in your retirement?"

hmmmm not sure what conclusion you are coming to there.... have paid a lot in tax over past 20 years. DH would still be paying. Dammit, I even pay governors funds! (pretty sure I remember several PMs sending children to state schools too...)

anyway not the argument I was hoping to debate....

What??
Sending your kids to state school is sponging off the state??
That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read on MN.
Have you considered how much tax the OP pays on her high earnings?
Perhaps she doesn’t believe in private school from a political perspective?
I earn similar to the OP and I do actually pay for private school but if someone told me I had an obligation to do so I’d be really shocked.

parental leave, really good advice. Ive never really used it!

I gave up a high salary (although not as high as yours) to be a SAHM while my DC were little. I did enjoy it, but I’m now back at work (part time and in a different but related field) and I have to say that I feel really happy and fulfilled. I feel like I’ve re discovered a part of me that I didn’t even realise was missing.

IMO part time work really is the best of both worlds. I know you say it’s not possible for you but maybe look at different options?

Anyway OP back to your thread - can you try a sabbatical. I did that and I loved it but it showed me that I did want to work.
I do however work part time (4 days over 5) and do shorter days so I can do some school pick ups.
If I couldn’t do this it would be a deal breaker. It makes a massive difference and you should be trying to negotiate something like that.

What a ridiculous post @Racecardriver! Why on earth should someone send their children to private school just because they earn a lot of money?!!! And how is the OP going to be 'sponging off the state in retirement'? Do you mean drawing a state pension? Which she will have been paying for with her NI?

Are you on glue?!

In your shoes I don't think I would quit. You've obviously been very driven and career focused to be on such a high salary, that will get even higher if you stay working.

However the idea of being a SAHM fills me with dread, the idea seems to appeal to you more.
Could you take a sabbatical and see how it goes?
Could you work out exactly what it is about your job you don't like? Could you move to a different firm? Is there no way at all you could work part time even making some big changes to your career - I know it's not always possible.
Also consider the possibility of you DH losing his job, that would leave you very vulnerable financially too, although I suppose that's the case for all SAHPs.

I’d do it. I wouldn’t want my dc doing such long days in childcare. They are small for such a short time; I’d choose more time with them over a large/dream house. It’s not like you’d be living on the breadline, on £90K.

Yes OP. I took parental leave over a whole summer and it worked really well. Do it.

What a bizarre comment about state school, state schools are for every body and it's good to have a social mix!
I would do it OP. Life's too short and it wouldn't gave a negative impact on any if the family.

Sometimes in life, we come to a point where we make decisions. If you can afford to stay at home then do it, why not. You get to spend time with your kids as they are still young and being in childcare from 7.30 till 6 is so long. Do it! You will be fine. When they are older you can go back to work part time! God always has a plan for us!

I agree with bowbeau’s comment upthread.
The amount of money you’re giving up is quite life changing and I’d look at other options before giving up completely.

Bit shocked that you think it’s ok to send you kids to state school earning so much.

What? The op pays £57,000 of tax a year. How is she sponging?

I am a high earner whose children went to state schools. Why wouldn't they?