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Original poster

Dh has asked me to find a job. I don’t want to

888 replies

moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 16:07

We have quite a lot of debt. Dh thinks that if I work we can clear the debt quicker. I think we just need to budget more.

I think that I’m better off at home looking after the dc (3 school age and a baby). Dh thinks I could manage working school hours but this would then mean we would have to pay for nursery and also I want to be at home with the baby and have anxiety so I don’t want to work.

I have argued that I can save us as much as I’d potentially earn by cutting out all luxuries and having an even smaller budget and just cutting back. So financially the outcome would be the same ??

OP posts:
AornisHades · 12/01/2019 16:09

You could work while he isn't. Weekends or evenings? If you did that and budgeted the debt would be sorted sooner.

MeTigger · 12/01/2019 16:09

How much is the debt? @talkinpeece is brilliant for money advise

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 12/01/2019 16:10

Of course you need to get a job.

Interested in this thread?

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General money
MeTigger · 12/01/2019 16:10

Advice not advise

katykins85 · 12/01/2019 16:12

Yes sorry but its clearly not finanvially viable for you to not work, so a job needs to happen. If you don't want yo send the baby to nursery look for evening and weekend shifts in a supermarket/call centre/ pub etc. Needs must.

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 16:12

I can’t do evenings as still breastfeeding and the baby is pretty much attached to me all evening/night
Weekends I want to actually see the dc. I just can’t see why it matters how we come to a better financial situation if it’s the same ? Whether I earnt £100 a week or saved via extreme budgeting £100 a week .....if I’m saving the same amount why should it matter to him ?
I’ve even done a budget already, tryingbtk get better energy deals, a meal plan etc and worked out where we can make massive savings

OP posts:
DamnShesaSexyChick · 12/01/2019 16:13

Of course you need to work and provide for your family

Sweetandawfulsour · 12/01/2019 16:13

If it’s a debt you’ve both accrued then I’m with your husband.
I think it would be unreasonable for me to stay at home with a baby whilst my husband chips away at the debt.
Have you looked at transferring the debt to a single credit card until you’re willing to work?

MamaRaisingBoys · 12/01/2019 16:13

Perhaps your husband doesn’t want to give up all luxuries

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 12/01/2019 16:14

Maybe he doesn’t want to live on a budget? If you could, you wouldn’t be in debt.

LIZS · 12/01/2019 16:15

How old is the baby? It sounds like being a sahm is a luxury you cannot afford. Did you work between pregnancies? Childminders are cheaper than nurseries and maybe you could find something part time or evenings/weekend so baby is not apart from either parent for long. What form is your anxiety?

AwdBovril · 12/01/2019 16:15

How old is the baby, could you express for when you're out?

Drogosnextwife · 12/01/2019 16:15

Depending on your earning potential, you could be right. Childcare for 4 kids would be expensive and it could be pointless when you factor in travel expenses. Think it really depense on what you could earn. and if you could arrange it so your dh did some Childcare when you are working. Sometimes it's not just as simple as get a job.

Original poster
moneyunsure · 12/01/2019 16:16

Maybe if I have a proper discussion with him and say let’s have a trial for a month if my budget then see where we are and then I will look for something if things are no better
But I have looked into it and I can drastically reduce the food bill
Switch energy providers/be better with electricity/stop using tumble dryer etc
No luxuries (haircuts etc)

OP posts:
waterandlemonjuice · 12/01/2019 16:16

How much is the debt? How much can you earn? How old is the baby?

I think school hour only jobs are rare and not particularly well paid.

But it’s not unreasonable to expect you to work as long as he is also going to contribute to looking after the kids and everything else while you do so.

LuckyLou7 · 12/01/2019 16:16

You seem to have every excuse going as yo why you can't work! One night shift per week in a care home isn't going to impact on your life that much. Express milk for the baby. Help reduce the debt together.

MotherofTerriers · 12/01/2019 16:17

It depends. If you have a lot of debt your DH may be stressed by having all the responsibility of bringing in income, and may wish this to be shared. Its not just the financial outcome, its the responsibility.

On the other hand depending on where you are, school hours jobs could be hard to come by.
Could you consider self employment? Is there something you could do which would enable you to be home with the baby but bring in some extra income?

Chathamhouserules · 12/01/2019 16:17

Maybe your husband doesn't want to give up all luxuries? Especially since he is working. Yabu.

RandomMess · 12/01/2019 16:17

Do the budget and start looking for a job, the kind of job you need to fit in with school aren't easy to come by. If you get offered one then that is the time to make a final decision at the moment it's just theoretical anyway.

I would suggest to him you doing evening and/or weekend work - see how he feels about having more domestic duties.... I would him to know that any job you get would mean him to do more work in the home.

Ultimately if you are in debt you both need to work more to pay it off.

AlexaShutUp · 12/01/2019 16:17

How would you feel if your husband decided that he didn't want to work either?

The default setting is for both parents to work and share childcare/household responsibilities. If both parents agree to a different division of labour, then that's absolutely fine, but it isn't fair for one partner to unilaterally decide that they don't want to work.

How old is your baby?

Have you sought medical help for your anxiety?

JuniperBeer · 12/01/2019 16:17

How much is your debt? If you’re in that much, why isn’t your budget already tight?
Can you work weekends? Even for one year. The relief when the debt will be gone will be immense. Perhaps he’s feeling the pressure. If this thread was the opposite, and it was a DH refusing to get a job, mumsnet would be up in arms.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 12/01/2019 16:18

What a miserable existence.

IJustLostTheGame · 12/01/2019 16:19

It's not easy getting a part time job. Everyone a acts as though it is but it isn't.
School hour jobs are even harder to find. Even if you work 18 hours a week in school hours in the holidays you lose money in childcare as most part time jobs are minimum wage.
I'd sit down OP and look at what jobs are available and then do a realistic budget with the wages potentially offered. Show them to your DH.
Could you manage as you are until the baby is eligible for nursery hours?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/01/2019 16:19

The thing what all the "get a job" brigade are over looking is the fact that op has stated she would have to pay out for nursery fees which let's face arent cheap, and yes Some would rightly say "Why should they be, Nursery Nurses work very hard."
However the fact still remains. By the time these fees have been paid, op might not be any better off.
Also did no one read that she has anxiety.

Squeegle · 12/01/2019 16:19

I think it all comes down to your earning potential. Working during school hours generally won’t bring home that much. You will have all the associated hassle and baby child care to pay for.