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Original poster

Why are some people successful?

390 replies

Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 11:55

I'd like to get your opinions on why some people are successful (particularly at work, but also in general) and others are unsuccessful. I'm looking for personality types and soft skills rather than hard skills I understand that someone with a masters in a STEM subject might have a better chance of making money than someone with a BA in an Arts subject or just GCSEs, but I'm thinking more of things like being confident, being positive, being sociable and why do you think some people have those qualities and others don't. Is it down to early childhood or are they things that can change throughout our lives?

OP posts:
knittedjest · 01/01/2019 12:01

Mostly it's just luck. Everything lining up at the right time. Obviously to some degree people make their own luck; making sure they are in the right place at the right time, saying the correct things to the correct people, honing marketabke skills but beyond that it is out of people's control. Two people could take identical paths and still end up in two entirely situations.

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 12:03

Thanks Knitted. Luck obviously has a lot to do with it, as does privilege, but I see certain people being successful in various areas of life and the opposite for others so I'm interested in what people think about how personality affects things.

I remember being in the same situation as a friend in our early 20s. She worked out how to move up though and has a completely different life now and I know that wasn't just luck.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/01/2019 12:05

I don't think it's luck at all - or very little of it is luck. It's like that saying, "The harder I work, the luckier I get."

I think a lot depends on whether someone can work effectively - we all know someone who works non stop but doesn't seem to get anywhere. It's to do with being able to anticipate things, too, and to use your imagination to see what might go wrong.

HollowTalk · 01/01/2019 12:06

I think some people know where they want to be in a couple of years' time and they watch people who are doing the job above them or running a business on a bigger scale and they learn from that, rather than just concentrating on what their own job is at the time.

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 12:06

"It's to do with being able to anticipate things, too, and to use your imagination to see what might go wrong"

Can you give examples of this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 12:07

Hollow - so that would be having goals, making plans and being ambitious I suppose. I've never been able to do that so that does explain a bit.

OP posts:
BonApp · 01/01/2019 12:07

I’m interested in this too.

I think successful people believe they can do it and that what they want to achieve is possible, and have a view of where they want to get to. This might not be clear cut direction and confidence in all cases, but largely they feel it’s all do-able and that you just have to figure out how.

Kindness goes a long way too. as do good looks

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 01/01/2019 12:08

Privilege. Luck. Yes, hard work factors in, but you have to be able to be in the position to do the hard work first.

Look at anyone successful in our society and most of them (not all) come from privileged backgrounds whether that be through race, class, sex, being able bodied etc.

planespotting · 01/01/2019 12:08

I think it is all about confidence, something you get through childhood and young adulthood
I understand that someone with a masters in a STEM subject might have a better chance of making money than someone with a BA in an Arts subject or just GCSEs,

I have a Masters in a STEM subject, actually 2. But I have 0 confidence in myself and I am rubbish at selling myself.
Whilst many friends that don't have achieved success by hard work and confidence in themselves

MissMalice · 01/01/2019 12:09

Grit. I’m sure there’s a TED talk on the common denominator between successful people and it’s grit.

Not being afraid of failure, persistence, having someone who believes in you from a young age and can encourage you when you feel like giving up.

OhTheRoses · 01/01/2019 12:10

Judgement, decision making, planning, calculated risks, being agreeable. Also being realistic. What quals do you need, what experience, where to get it. And keeping personal and professional separate.

Original poster
Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 12:13

BonApp - yes, I think confidence is a huge part of that. Good looking people are favoured, but I think a lot of that is how it helps their confidence as well. They may not be aware of it themselves as they've never been bad looking and can't compare.

IAm - yes, privilege is a huge one of course, but I know successful people from modest backgrounds so it's not the only thing

Grit - hmm, I need to look into how this is different from confidence

OP posts:
CatnissEverdene · 01/01/2019 12:15

My DH runs a successful business. He's severely dyslexic, left school with no qualifications. But he works harder and is more determined than anyone I've ever met. He had no financial help from family/friends, had to sell his car and his flat to get the money to buy his business aged 23. He never takes no for an answer, (not always a positive) but he keeps going until he gets what he wants. He's very confident, very self-possessed (can also be very selfish but that's a whole other thread) and is also incredibly sociable. He very much lives life in his own head, if that makes sense.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 01/01/2019 12:17

OP not the only thing, I didn’t say it was.

I don’t know anyone from a dirt poor/abusive background that is truly successful though.

My husband comes from a pretty normal background (teacher/shop worker parents) and he’s successful. The difference I see in him is that he isn’t afraid to take risks, always comes up with new ideas, works all the time and if something fails, he just tries again.

Also his personality. He’s just a nice and trustworthy person who would never fuck anyone over so people want to work with him. At the same time, he’s not a pushover or the type to let anyone walk all over him. I think that’s a good combination.

But I still think a lot of his success is that he is privileged enough to have had parents who support and encourage him. Not everyone has that and many have the exact opposite.

Jubba · 01/01/2019 12:20

I worked in the music industry for over 15 years. I’ve not got a qualification to my name. I’m also female who worked in a VERY male dominated industry. I didn’t have anything g to start with

I got every single job. From ringing up the person I wanted to work for. And just asking.

Confidence is key. I also got a job offer. EVERY single time I rang. Or went. EVERY single time. I then got a name. A good one and got that way. I got offered over 15 contracts.

BoogleMcGroogle · 01/01/2019 12:20

Of course it's to do with privilege and luck. But I think that as much as the privilege of wealth and education, a lot is to do with the privilege of having an upbringing that fosters emotional resilience, self-confidence,positive mental health, values education and instils a belief that if you work at it, you can get done where ( as opposed to being entitled to success). I think that's to do with having parents who model those qualities and believe in their children, and being part of a supportive family and wider community. Of course, people can succeed in the absence of these factors ( and occasionally a tough upbringing can give a person great determination), but I think that people are overwhelmingly more likely to succeed if they enjoy a positive upbringing. The research evidence does also bear this out, to some extent ( I'm a psychologist, these things interest me).

SwedishEdith · 01/01/2019 12:21

What are you defining as "success"?

Impicciona · 01/01/2019 12:22

I own my own multi 6 figure business that I built from nothing. I left school before final exams and didn't go to university.

It's all about the relentless pursuit of goals. Never give up, if plan A doesn't work move in to B but don't change the goal, change the plan. Explore every route and learn constantly.

Failure isn't failure, it's a lesson. Learn it and move on. It's a massive challenge in ignoring imposter syndrome, ignoring the voice that says you don't deserve success or you're not good enough.

It's a daily challenge.

birdsdestiny · 01/01/2019 12:22

Family background and class.

TryingToDrinkMoreWater · 01/01/2019 12:23

Obviously hard work, luck, ambition, strategy etc play a major part, but one thing that I have noticed is that extremely successful people are not selfless. They are willing to prioritise their own needs, wants and career above everybody else at least some of the time.

Impicciona · 01/01/2019 12:24

I'm frankly insulted by posters saying it's luck. It's hard work, determination and relentlessly pursuing your dream.

Luck my arse.

Waddsup12 · 01/01/2019 12:25

They did some research that lucky people were those who spotted the opportunities. The unlucky ones were shown the same material but missed to see them.

Luck, judgement, support. I think my most useful skill is the ability to ask people how to do something (or for help when I've needed it) and then use and hone it.

greendale17 · 01/01/2019 12:25

Luck. Being right place at the right time. I know two people who will always land on their feet everytime no matter what

twentypencemore · 01/01/2019 12:27

"Those at the top of the mountain didn't fall there"

ILiveInSalemsLot · 01/01/2019 12:30

I agree with all those things but what I find is it’s validation from a young age too.
You’ve done well and got results in the past so you expect that carry on. If it doesn’t, you keep trying til you do because that’s what you expect.
It’s that ‘failure is not an option’ mentality.