Why are some people successful?

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'd like to get your opinions on why some people are successful (particularly at work, but also in general) and others are unsuccessful. I'm looking for personality types and soft skills rather than hard skills I understand that someone with a masters in a STEM subject might have a better chance of making money than someone with a BA in an Arts subject or just GCSEs, but I'm thinking more of things like being confident, being positive, being sociable and why do you think some people have those qualities and others don't. Is it down to early childhood or are they things that can change throughout our lives?

I believe that being 'successful' in life means that you are content with what you have and where you are. Those criteria will be different for everyone. I have friends who will never ever be happy, no matter what, because they're always looking at other people's lives and comparing themselves unfavourably. They are not making a 'success' of life and it's sad to see. Being born wealthy or middle class is no guarantee of happiness or success. As pp have said, having parents/family to encourage you and teach you life skills is far more important. Making the most of yourself and your opportunities is how to win at life

It's hard work, confidence and having ambition.

I think the key is a very good memory! The ability to remember names, numbers, detail. My memory is shocking but the couple of self made millionaires I know (get me! Lols - it does me no good ) and other high flying execs have excellent recall in an instant! I envy that ability.

DP does well in everything he does, I always say he's one of them people who will always come up smelling of roses" but the reality is he puts in 110% effort and goes for exactly what he wants. I should copy him really.

I didnt have all that support etc etc when i was young, i have a 2:2 in a humanities subject and average grades from a state school. I do have long term depression too. Whats changed for me is now having a desire to do well, to explore things, to give things a go. Yes i do get panicky feelings and moments of self-doubt but they pass. Ive widened my circle and will talk to anyone (in a non-annoying way i hope!). Im open with people and in turn some are open with me in return. Im a lot more chilled than when i was younger.

Not sure how you’re defining “success”

I have a happy marriage and a senior, well paid job. It’s a combination of luck (parents who valued education and hard work, no disabilities that got in the way, lucky to be raised in the U.K. now) but I’ve always worked hard, pushed for more responsibilities, had intellectual curiosity about my profession, moved companies for better opportunities and stood up for what I believe to be right. It is pure luck that I am clever enough to understand the most complex parts of my industry (I would have failed in astrophysics!). It is luck that my personality and preferences lend themselves to leadership - I’m good at balancing lots of competing demands and running from thing to thing, I’m much less good at detailed focused work. So at least 50% luck, if not more.

Equally I’ve turned down opportunities which I thought would damage my marriage or my family, I probably could be even further/earning more if that was my sole focus, but that pull be “success” for me.

"I also got a job offer. EVERY single time I rang. Or went. EVERY single time. I then got a name. A good one and got that way. I got offered over 15 contracts."

I don't understand how you got a job offer every single time you rang.

Emotional intelligence and people skills too

"It's all about the relentless pursuit of goals."

That assumes you have goals though. Why do some people have goals and others don't?

I think it is confidence and self belief, combined with knowledge & the retention and use of that knowledge, i.e. reading, listening, learning and then knowing when and how to use it.

Confidence and self belief without the knowledge = annoying twats.
Knowledge without confidence = frustrated people who should be valued more highly.

Effort in =success back.
I work in a growing market, seems many young people want to work in same industry.
I have worked from bottom to get where I am now. Have spent literally thousands of hours on study, research and thousands more hours on networking. As I run my own business I work 7 days a week.
A lot of people have tried to snaffle clients, customers and ideas, however without the background knowledge & understanding in the field it is difficult for them.
I do however mentor young people if they have a strong work ethic and good attitude.
In my industry it takes a long time to get to the top, (for me over 20 years)
I can tell very early on at least 90% of the time who will make it.
It's those that put effort in
Those that are not looking for an easy route, those who study and take courses in their spare time. Those who say yes when asked. Those who are prepared to start on a low wage, knowing the money will improve the more effort, courses, additional training that is done. Etc Etc.
One of my best friends started in the same industry as me, in the same year. She has stayed at the same level as she simply has not put the hours in. She now resents me, and thinks I am too business minded. Yet every time she needs work related advice she asks me.
To be a success in business you need a hard hat, a thick skin a big smile and to be gracious in helping others.

"I'm frankly insulted by posters saying it's luck. It's hard work, determination and relentlessly pursuing your dream."

I'm afraid I don't buy the hard work thing though. It depends what you do I suppose. In my area (office admin) how hard you work changes nothing. How well you work can make you slightly more highly regarded, but doesn't change much either imo.
I can see how it works if you're self-employed.

Those who say luck has nothing to do with it, how about lack of bad luck?

Is it lucky to be born into a family that will love you, care for you, feed you, challenge you and provide a back up, even if just emotionally, if you ‘fail’. I would say it is. Or at the very least lack of bad luck. And without that sort of luck it is much harder to succeed.

"I think the key is a very good memory! The ability to remember names, numbers, detail. "

Hmm. You can look up a number or a detail.

Hard work and total drive. I have worked with the executive teams at 2 massive companies. They are no smarter than the levels below them (though all have been very smart, and usually - but not 100% - highly educated) but all of them, without exception, have worked harder than anyone else I know. I know I could never be CEO of a major company because I am simply not prepared to sacrifice my family and personal time to that extent (and i am not exactly lazy myself..typically working a 10h day and often weekends and holiday interruptions)

As to where the drive comes from, from knowing these people well, it's because they feel they have something to prove I think. Which varies from person to person, but there is a weird mix of grandiosity and insecurity to them for the most part. They'll never be the sort to be happy with what they've got.

gently I think is spot on on the luck front. It isn't about good luck but definitely a lack of bad luck helps (though even then it can make some people more determined!).

"It is luck that my personality and preferences lend themselves to leadership - I’m good at balancing lots of competing demands and running from thing to thing, I’m much less good at detailed focused work. "

Is it luck or is it your upbringing?

"Emotional intelligence and people skills too"

Can you elaborate on these please?

There was absolutely no luck involved in my success. Just hard bloody work. No weekends off for the last 15 years.
Left school with no o'levels, no parental help. Those who think success is simply luck are very wrong

My husband is very successful in business despite having virtually no academic qualifications. He can’t spell for toffee and doesn’t even know how to set out an email correctly but it’s not proved a barrier. He’s in a trade, which helps as expectations are lower in terms of formal communication. Most business is done on site with a handshake.

He works for himself, always has done since he was 15. I think a lot of it comes from his dad and his grandpa basically doing everything for themselves and having big horizons (neither of them were typically ‘clever’ either). Stream in the garden needs damning? Let’s give it a go. Extension needs building? I’ll go out and dig the foundations now.

He does all his own books because it never occurred to him to get anyone else to do it.

They are massive risk takers as a family but for every failure they seem to have two successes. They don’t feel bad when they fail, ever. They just get up and crack on.

Meanwhile, I’m incredibly well qualified and have worked for ‘the man’ since leaving uni and don’t have an enterprising bone in my body. I hope the kids have my husband’s genes!

I think it can be luck, but only in the sense that you're technically lucky to have certain qualities which lead to success. For example, my DP has worked incredibly hard and came from 'nowhere'- crap, selfish parents, was living in a shed at one stage. Seriously. A shed Anyway, she got her PhD and is now in a high paid career with great prospects, but... she is incredibly intelligent, naturally and even though she's worked very hard, if her talents and skills weren't there in the first place, she wouldn't be where she is now.

Emotional intelligence and people skills just means an ability to get along with other people and to be well thought of by them so they want to work with you again or give you more business.

It's not luck. That's got nothing to do with it, people are not promoted because they are lucky!

Lots of questions and no details, OP. Not researching a story, are you?

Most importantly it's luck. Then intelligence, talent, family connections, living in the right place, confidence, maybe a bit of hard work.

"What are you defining as "success"?"

I would say an interesting, fulfilling job with a good work-life balance. I'm not necessarily talking about very senior people, but about people who can move up a bit if they want to.

One of the posters above said she works 7 days a week. I wouldn't consider that successful as I wouldn't want to work like that.

On the other hand, I wouldn't go as far as to say 'whatever job a person thinks makes them happy' so am not including very boring or arduous jobs with no potential for personal input.

Does that make sense?