Why are some people successful?

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'd like to get your opinions on why some people are successful (particularly at work, but also in general) and others are unsuccessful. I'm looking for personality types and soft skills rather than hard skills I understand that someone with a masters in a STEM subject might have a better chance of making money than someone with a BA in an Arts subject or just GCSEs, but I'm thinking more of things like being confident, being positive, being sociable and why do you think some people have those qualities and others don't. Is it down to early childhood or are they things that can change throughout our lives?

I don’t think there is just one way to success.

For some people it will be exploiting/building/using their privilege background.
For others it will be their natural charm or charisma or people skills.
For others still hard work and talent - the hard work probably often unseen (The iceberg posted above is a really good summary) - finding the routes up and making sure they get on them.

My parents used to talk about "people whose faces fit" – it being more about the workplace than the person.

Radio 4 great Lives – presented by Matthew Parris who I’ve heard say nearly all have loss or adversity in their background often it seems to be their driver for success.

I assume one personality trait might be resilience – to keep getting up when knocked down but perhaps for people who have inherited their success perhaps privilege background good looks and charm perhaps they can avoid setbacks at all.

Getting on with work and not doing enough/any self-promotion talking about completes task can be an issue in some work places – both DH and I have found that at different times. Certain amount of noise is needed so your work doesn’t come invisible.

Nevermind.....carry on as you are. I'm sure it'll all work out.

My boss at work is such an articulate person, every time I see him speak publicly he was always so engaging and charming. I thought it was just something that came naturally to him

Then I realised that he practiced sooo many times before any public speaking, he had an executive coach who would coach him through any key presentation. And he spent a lot of time practicing and honing his messages

Don't get me wrong, he's definitely naturally charismatic but I realised that with enough practice and hard work, I could do that too

So for me, key to success is pure hard graft and no slacking,

I don't think everyone who works hard ends up successful. I do think those who put in mediocre effort can end up being g very successful.

have to add that I'm also relatively unsuccessful in charity/volunteering type activities where I shouldn't really be suffering the same disadvantages at work. I'm on the committee of most things I join, but never in a position of responsibility and always ending up really frustrated thinking that my views aren't taken into account even when I know quite a lot about whatever is under discussion.

Stop rubbishing your personality and join Toastmasters or similar. Learn how to speak/communicate/be heard.

There is definitely something about drive and determination. The people who really want to succeed and have the energy to push for it pretty single mindedly seems to be key.

Basic intelligence matters too.

And the savvy to know your own weaknesses so you can mitigate them with others who compensate. So a driven and inspiring leader surrounds themselves with more detail oriented implementors.

Gwen are you able to reframe your thoughts though?

Thanks for the advice, but I don't really want to be told how to think. I'm happy with my own opinions on things.
I find the 'be happy with what you have' line quite patronising sometimes as well and I think it's sometimes there to keep people in their place, not you necessarily.

Ouch! That's me out.

I find that most most successful people are good listeners and are able to take feedback on board.

Hard work, making yourself known, . I've worked for

TBH though, all the drive, confidence, pizazz, self-belief, moxie, chutzpah, charisma, gravitas and so on - it's all pretty hard to pin down and ends up sounding a bit too....motivational poster?

And the biggest problem is that it individualises success: "you've just gotta have IT!", instead of zoooming way way out and looking at the systems we work in, how that ultimately has far far more influence on "success" than whatever leverage an individual has.

I can think of people who were fantastic in one company/team/style of working who would not have been successful in a different environment that didn't play to their strengths. Others who could be successful in some environments but only at huge emotional cost. And because we talk sooo much about the individual, what they should do, how to keep on doing that "pick me" dance - it's pretty hard to keep focused on systemic aspects like ageism and sexism and racism, for example, or ableism, or...plenty of other things that throw a massive penalty in your way which might just be a leeetle bit confidence sapping. And super gaslighty if you're also being told it's all in your hands, if you just had a better attitude and more gravitas.

And tbh, earlier in my career I was at one point constantly told "Be More Confident, It's All Your Fault If You're Not!" when what I actually needed to develop confidence was to get interesting, challenging work to do, enough timely feedback to get better, and be given reasonable amounts of cold hard cash for it. Luckily for me I managed to eventually find that (after about 15+ years!) But getting paid built my confidence. Being told I needed to somehow have that before getting a chance just made me want to crawl into a hole and drink.

There's always an element of luck.

It's almost 2am and I can't go to sleep until 2.15am at the earliest, because I'm having yet another diabetic hypo. I need to test and make sure it's at a safe level for me to go to sleep, or else it will simply drop again meaning broken sleep at best or a coma at worst. For most of the evening, I was vomiting and on the cusp of passing out due to my period, which isn't helping.

I'll leave home at 7.30am to allow half an hour contingency time to get to where I need to be, but that simply may not be enough time if I have another hypo that takes 45 minutes before I can get my sugar to raise, or if I have to get off the packed train and sit on a bench for a bit because otherwise I'll pass out. Hopefully, I'll be lucky and still be on time. If all goes without a hitch, plenty of time to get a coffee and relax and ease into my day.

But that's luck.

It's luck that I'll get out the door in the morning at all, because if I'm as unwell as I was this evening it won't be safe for me to leave the house.

I'll get up at 6am, because I need time to sort out blood sugars, and eat, and deal with the flare of IBS that comes with my period. No doubt some smart alec will be of the opinion I should leave earlier, but that's not really sustainable when you have disabilities that mean this is simply how your life is. Day in, day out. I do need to sleep, I have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia made worse by broken nights.

I give such a detailed breakdown because I feel that a few posters airily wave away this idea of luck having anything to do with it, and don't realise their good luck in not having to juggle health conditions with multiple fluctuating variables in order to do something as simple like know they will definitely be able to leave the house on time.

And yes - I know I'm incredibly lucky to live in a country where we have decent healthcare and I'm exceptionally lucky to have an excellent diabetes team who cheer me on and support me as much as they can.

Good post Absent. Definitely agree.

Cucumbergin- I think you're right, most of the successful people I know have found a workplace/business that suits their strengths whereas I can see that they would not have succeeded in other places.

I think having the confidence to take a chance is a key aspect of success. Thinking of the most successful people I know they have all at some stage left behind a comfortable/reliable/tried and tested position to go for something more risky but that they thought would suit them better (eg working in a totally different industry/starting their own business etc).

I think this is something that background can impact- if you are from a better off background and know that you have a financial 'safety net' from family/savings etc it's a lot easier to take that risk that if you are just about getting by and might end up without a home etc if things went wrong.

Background ( cultural capital) even has an impact on subject choices at post 16 and post 18 level. Students from more working class backgrounds tend to choose vocational subject - especially at university. It's considered less risky as they're training for a job where as students from wealthier backgrounds choose more traditional subjects as quite often they will have the social and cultural capital required to get a job afterwards.

Back to the idea of luck ....your background is s result of pure chance yet can hsve a major impact on your future prospects.

Ability, drive, determination, social skills, avaiability, networks, and luck.
It’s a combination of all the above. Women, particularly mothers of small children, often fail to score on availability and networking as they - unlike most of their male colleagues- are combining paid work with picking up children from school etc and do not have the time to network or to make themselves available for a late night work crisis. Also the networks that women can access are sometimes more limited.

It’s a combination of all the above. Women, particularly mothers of small children, often fail to score on availability and networking as they - unlike most of their male colleagues- are combining paid work with picking up children from school etc and do not have the time to network or to make themselves available for a late night work crisis. Also the networks that women can access are sometimes more limited

That is often personal choice and choice of partner though.......I have a small child and it has not impacted on my career but that is because me and my DH see childcare as an equal responsibility and value each others careers equally.