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Original poster

Think I don’t dress my 6 year old dd like the other girls

211 replies

WishfulSprouts · 18/12/2018 16:34

Don’t think we’re too unusual I prefer traditional style outfits, ditzy prints, colourful tights and clothes think JL Jojo mama that kind of style but this isn’t like 99% of girl in her class.
Dropped her at school party day today and most of the other girls were in sparkly glittery clothes, jeans, skirts mainly pink/grey/black with glitter boots.
Dd has never said anything about clothes until she came home today said a couple of the girl said her clothes were ‘weird’.
Maybe I need to dress her more ‘trendy’? Sorry hate that word but you know what I mean?

OP posts:
oohyoudevilyou · 18/12/2018 22:56

As a child I had zero interest in clothes - as long as they weren't scratchy I didn't care. It did however mean that I wore what my mum and grandma chose for me: smocked dresses, cardigans, mary jane shoes and ankle socks. I looked a little odd and I think other kids thought I was strange and maybe a bit prissy (I wasn't - I loved running around and climbing things!) though old people always thought I looked adorable! I never felt like I fitted in, though I didn't know why as I wasn't aware of clothes - mine or anyone else's. I wish my mum would've put me in jeans/cords and a jumper like all other 70's kids.

madeyemoodysmum · 18/12/2018 23:06

I get her a couple of trendy party outfits but I’d keep her in the look you like for normal family activity. It’s just peer pressure

TheBubGrower · 18/12/2018 23:42

"It's just peer pressure" Hmm she's 6!! Slippery slope in my opinion to teach her to give in to peer pressure now! Why should she have a couple of outfits for parties so she can dress FOR her friends?! She should dress for herself and nobody else

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abacucat · 18/12/2018 23:45

TheBubGrower At the moment she is dressing for her mum

VenusClapTrap · 18/12/2018 23:48

I am in possession of one of these boys who wears dickie bows and shirts to parties. His favourite item is a navy velvet blazer, and he wears a fur (faux!) coat to school. He’s 6, and had a bit of a wobble earlier this year when five minutes after arriving at a party he said to me “Mummy, nobody else is dressed like this.”

I think it was the first time he’d really noticed what the other children were wearing, instead of being 100% focussed on himself. I told him I thought he looked fabulous, and he went off and got on with partying.

He has continued to choose waistcoats, dickie bows etc for parties since then. As far as I’m aware, none of the other children have said anything negative - he’s quite sensitive so would most likely tell me. It probably helps that other parents are always complimenting him on his style, in front of their own dc. For now, that is a vote of confidence - I’m sure it’ll become uncool for grown ups to like his clothes at some point, but we’re not there yet!

It would be a sad day for me if I felt I had to go out and buy him a new wardrobe just so that he could look like the other children. But if he wanted me to, I would.

TheBubGrower · 18/12/2018 23:50

abacucut I don't think she is though? The OP said her daughter hasn't shown an interest in what she's wearing previously, until she was picked on. How sad is that, that she is now only bothered because of bullies? If she is bothered what she's wearing then I fully advocate letting her have a choice (trendy clothes or otherwise) and teaching her to dress for herself and only herself - ie not to just go out and choose clothes that she thinks will impress the mean girls but to actually make a choice of the clothes she would like to wear

abacucat · 18/12/2018 23:55

But my point is she is not dressing for herself. She has no interest in clothes. So she is wearing what her mum likes. It would be kinder to dress her in clothes similar to her peers, if she does not care what she is wearing.
Totally different if she had views about what clothes she wore herself.

TheBubGrower · 19/12/2018 00:09

I see where you're coming from but I disagree abacucut . She's 6, and personally I think her mum's choice of clothes sound perfectly age appropriate. I also think it's "kinder" to teach her to have confidence in herself and not to feel she has to fit in with everyone else. These just sound like mean girls and they need educating (by their own parents) about not picking on others for ridiculous superficial factors like clothing.

abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:22

Kids who stand out because of the clothes they wear, will feel the impact. Fine if they choose it, which some do. But not fair to impose it. And it is not just about being mean. What kids wear projects an idea of who they are, and that does affect things like friendship.

user1471426142 · 19/12/2018 06:01

I’m dreading this stage. My 2 year old already has firm opinions about what she wants to wear and insists on doing it herself. I wasn’t expecting this so early. All of her toddler boy friends don’t seem to care at all.

floribunda18 · 19/12/2018 06:06

it’s a bit unfair to push your tastes on to her when she’s old enough to have an input.

DD1 is 13 now, and I'm smiling at the idea of ever being able to push my tastes onto her. She always had an input, quite vociferously, before she could talk properly, about what she wanted to wear.

floribunda18 · 19/12/2018 06:07

DD2 on the other hand would happily stay in her pyjamas or wear nothing at all by preference, but does now have an opinion on clothes aged 9. It's not a boy/girl split on these matters.

blueskiesandforests · 19/12/2018 06:15

abacucat does make a very relevant point - the OP's dd is currently dressing for her mother, which has attracted a comment (nobody with the information provided in this thread can tell whether it was an unfiltered kid comment or meant to be mean). The comment reported is far less unpleasant and barbed than some of the ones adults on this thread have made about children.

The 6 year old DD of the op is passive in all this - dressing for her mother or dressing to fit in - neither is her choice.

Teaching someone to be strong and confident in their own tastes and choices is invaluable and fantastic.

Teaching someone to be confident about what their mother chose to dress them in is one of those slippery, odd things adults only expect of children, like constant expressions of gratitude for ordinary parenting or unwanted outings...

Longtalljosie · 19/12/2018 06:17

I think thrr

floribunda18 · 19/12/2018 06:27

Depends on the party. If they are scrambling around at soft play, or when they are older, trampolining, running about a forest firing lasers at one another or camping out in a garden then they may want to wear something more robust and warmer than sequined tops or dressing like a Holly Hobbie.

Grannyannex · 19/12/2018 06:32

Mine dresses in hand me downs and charity shop clothes. She hates pink and glittery styles. It’s all about comfort and practicalities.

Grannyannex · 19/12/2018 06:35

In fact my kids are all unique in style and I love that. I respect their ability to be themselves and not follow the crowd. They are all well liked by friends

Sleephead1 · 19/12/2018 06:36

I think it's sad that there is so much pressure on such young children and what they wear I honestly do not remember this from my childhood until teen years. I would speak to her about how she feels and how rude the other person was.Then see what she actually likes whilst also discussing how we don't have to be exactly like everyone else and can have out preferences. I think her clothes sound lovley and to be honest at that age most parents will choose clothes then the child will choose from what the adult has bought. My son loves bright things and patterns he's 5.There is so much time in our lives that we are concerned with how we look and feel insecure , worried ect it seems such a shame for it to start so young.

madeyemoodysmum · 19/12/2018 06:36

Kids point out differences especially at age 6 sadly. Why shouldn’t the op have a couple of outfits to spare her daughter teasing.

They might be mean kids but the Ed just wants to fit in. I wouldn’t be using my dad as a learning tool for them at 6 when it’s a simple thing to sort

When I was 5/6 I was told I couldn’t be in a cool gang if I didn’t have pierced ears. I begged my mum to let me. She did let me
I never made the cool gang but wasn’t bothered by them again.

Now obviously that an extreme example but all I’m saying is nothing much changed with children and children hate standing out they are too young to think sound or differently.
We can show them but it won’t stop it.

They need to grow in confidence so they can make there own paths.

madeyemoodysmum · 19/12/2018 06:38

Excuse typos!!! No glasses with me.

angelfacecuti75 · 19/12/2018 06:45

My ds is nearly 11 and i get him nice stuff but he hasn't told me what he wants to wear only if something is too tight/small or uncomfortable. He dresses in jeans, hoodies, trainers, nice tshorts and the occasional rugby shirt. A lot of it is hand me down which at the rate he's growing actually helps a lot...

Reasontobelieve · 19/12/2018 06:57

What a shame that this happened to your daughter. If it's something that she would want to do, I would let her choose a special outfit for these occasions, but if not, there is no need.

Remember though, the ideas that the other girls had on clothing - and what's 'weird' will be specific to that group. I well remember my dd telling me that boys in her primary school mocked boys who wore 'skinny jeans' as they regarded them as 'effeminate'. When she started secondary school (in a different area), she noticed that on their first non uniform day, all the boys wore skinny jeans!

fieryginger · 19/12/2018 07:29

I love the style of clothes you chose and agree about jeans looking uncomfortable, let alone skinny jeans.

As you've pointed out, it maybe time to let her pick herself - good luck, who knows, she might surprise you.

flumpybear · 19/12/2018 07:45

My DD used to wear what I bought for her - til around year 1 at school, now she'll wear only what she likes, no point in buying her other stuff it gets left unused ... so Next jeans and George jumpers and just anything non- dress like is a no ... Ted Baker £65 dresses on the other hand are always on her Christmas list 😱