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Why is your friend now an ex friend?

205 replies

Callmedarcy · 06/12/2018 18:41

Mine is an ex friend because

  • she borrowed money that she never paid back
  • she was only around when she had problems. Vanished when I did.
OP posts:
PawneeParksDept · 09/12/2018 21:55

Because the egotism, selfishness and me me me behaviour I had always overlooked because we lived long distance boiled over and finally affected me, because she distanced herself when I was having issues and then I was admonished by her DH for not taking enough of an "active interest" (aka buy me branded goods) in her first pregnancy, despite them both absolutely fucking me off during my own time of need and ignoring requests for basic favours.

RaspberryBeret34 · 09/12/2018 21:56

She randomly became best friends with the OW. And expected me to attend A small event with OW there. It was all a bit weird!

Ohyesiam · 09/12/2018 22:03

We used to say we were like sisters.
Then she found her biological half sister and met up. I ve not really seen or heard from her since, which I feel sad about.

MadameButterface · 09/12/2018 22:20

Ahhh mine just flaked out on me one too many times. I had stuff going on and i needed her. She’d make a big deal about how she ‘is always here for me’ etc but wouldn’t actually meet up in person. I just stopped asking her to do things. Restricted her on fb so she couldn’t see my replies to events (because she’d be like ‘omg this looks amazing i definitely want to come to this’ and then cancel, last minute obvs). Funny how it just petered out completely once i stopped making any effort, it just goes to show who’s doing all the legwork doesn’t it

PawneeParksDept · 09/12/2018 22:27

@MadameButterface

Too true! I stopped all legwork with two people and have not heard from either since
one of them is similar to

@RedTulip86

I also have had one of those! To be fair it was the DP not the friend (Example 1) but I was so fucking good to her and those kids and she can't even be arsed to send a basic how's it going text, and at this point I've thrown the towel in

bringincrazyback · 09/12/2018 22:29

In pretty much every case of aborted friendship I have experienced, it has been because the friend in question has been a domineering bitch who expected me (as a 'low-key' sort of person who often gets mistaken for a pushover) to smile sweetly and go along with everything they said and did and never state an opinion that ran counter to theirs, and then treated me like shit when this didn't work out the way they had presumed it would. I try to set healthier patterns now in friendships.

JehovahsMistresses · 09/12/2018 23:33

She tried to seduce, shag and date my boyfriend and spread some pretty wild gossip about me (Didn't succeed with any)

Another one because I found out she was helping to spread the gossip about me

Friend I knew since nursery had to go because she was jealous of my relationship and kept trying to get me to dump him

We are still together and very happy. Children, home and a very happy life to live. Ex friends now take drugs and have regular 1 night stands and get into arguments a lot. I'm glad I don't associate with them any more.

kathyjean · 09/12/2018 23:49

She said that she introduced me to rock gods Take That, but actually I introduced HER to them. I remember it well, we were on the school run, carpooling (DH had just been laid off from work and money was tight). Classic hit Shine came on the stereo and she was raving to me for weeks about how I'd opened her eyes. Next thing I knew, she'd got front row tickets to their tour and was taking Sharron (even though her little monster bit my DS at the last school fayre and THEN refused to apologise). I couldn't look at her after that, this was not the same woman I met at Mamafit when we were pregnant with our DCs. That was the final straw.
"'Cause the scars run so deep, it's been hard but I have to believe, have a little patience" Kathyjean Wine

AcrossthePond55 · 10/12/2018 01:18

She previously told me a lie about a relationship from my DH's past. He and I agreed to let that slide because she introduced us so we felt we owed her one. But she recently implied that she knew something 'bad' had happened to him before he met me and when I asked her what it was, she refused to tell me and acted all mysterious.

She's always had a rather 'elastic' relationship with the truth but mostly about herself and mostly harmless. But this was one time too many and involved trying to make me think badly of my DH and as though he'd hidden something from me that she was 'in the know' about. Backfired on her rather badly though.

brizzledrizzle · 10/12/2018 04:32

Because she texted other friends saying she wanted to tell me to fuck off.

ThanosSavedMe · 10/12/2018 12:14

Hardly rock gods @KathyJean 🤣

Lookatmeeee · 10/12/2018 12:46

Everything was about her, been through a terrible year which she knew nothing about as never bothered to ask.

Prone to dramatics about everything, I used to always make the peace as I couldn't be arsed to argue but final straw came when she blew off my hen do as couldn't afford to put up pictures 2 days later of her night our in posh hotel with her friends drinking champagne, then at my wedding she threw a toy as she didn't get enough attention I finally had enough and so haven't bothered go contact her.

dustarr73 · 10/12/2018 13:25

Too true! I stopped all legwork with two people and have not heard from either since

This is me as well.I stopped organising things.The worst was we had organised a break before Christmas a few years ago.
One was in hospital and never told me.The other one only told me they couldnt go,when i rang up to finalise the meeting detail.It was the day before we where due to go..

I booked through a 3rd party and the hotel couldnt do anything,and it was too late to cancel through the way i booked.

I was in tears on the phone but luckily the receptionist was lovely.She resold the room even though she wasnt supposed to.I would never do that again.

Astella22 · 10/12/2018 13:40

The last straw was her telling me to ‘piss off’ in front of about 100 people in an ikea queue of all places. Prior to this she showed up 7 hrs late for a shopping trip and proceeded to tell me about her day shopping with another friend apparently they had discussed how I wouldn’t mind. This was a weekend I was putting her up. Then she did the whole ‘i forgot my wallet’ line when dinner was ordered. For reasons that seem crazy now but I probably would of let all of it go or made excuses for her behaviour but the ikea incident happened in front of my now DH and I felt so ashamed that someone I had said was a good friend would treat me like that I was basically shamed into action.

PawneeParksDept · 10/12/2018 15:16

Oh another, I hadn't seen her for ages, and then my DM rather unkindly pointed out that all her visits to me coincided with her DC birthdays and one day on a Bank Holiday I went out drinking with some work friends - came home to a message asking if she could come over. Tipsy, I answered yes.

That was the night I realised one of my best friends was an alcoholic.

During the course of a very long night it was so bad I became afraid of her, angry and aggressive and ranting on the phone to her ex. She drank nearly a full litre of vodka and still got up the next day, which made me realise that this wasn't a one off. I stayed up all night because I was afraid she'd die in her sleep. But what was worse was that she'd told crazy batshit lies about me on the phone to her ex and the fact that she could do that and WHAT she said and the tone she used made me realise that she was contemptuous of me deep down and that was a bit heartbreaking.

Even so, when she was sober I tried to sort her out and get her into rehab, as I was sure she would lose her kids, but she denied she had a problem and cut me off

She lost her kids Sadbut did go on to get dry and regain some custody.

Last time I saw her was years ago in the city and she pulled a face at her friend as if to say "oh I'm sorry, bit of a pain in the arse, but I know that girl, and I'll have to go speak to her" and she was extremely fake and phoney to me and I'd go as far as to say superior.

She has literally nothing to be superior over me about.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 10/12/2018 15:29

Because I got fed up of her constant complaints in messenger everyday. It recently got worse for example four messages (whinging) in twenty minutes.
When I sent a message saying please could she monitor her complaining, as it's making my own anxiety worse, she ignored my message and slagged me off on her profile. I don't have time for that shit. So blocked her.

Fell out with other friends in the past for not being loyal.

starlight45 · 10/12/2018 15:40

No support when I needed it. I always supported her.
Always putting off seeing me. The thing that made me break off contact with her was after explaining how she couldn't see me as her dh had such a bad back, had an operation on his back, she couldn't leave him... I saw on his Facebook that they'd gone skiing. So much for his bad back.
Our sons have a very similar diagnosis and I really could've done with her friendship as out of everyone she gets what I'm going through. But I don't think she needs me as her friend anymore.

lovesugarfreejelly63 · 10/12/2018 15:41

I ended a friendship when I sat with my friends dying husband. She felt that it was more important for her dog to have a daily walk, and didn't want his routine disturbed. So sad. Whilst she was out, her husband died.

dustarr73 · 10/12/2018 15:48

I ended a friendship when I sat with my friends dying husband. She felt that it was more important for her dog to have a daily walk, and didn't want his routine disturbed. So sad. Whilst she was out, her husband died.

I think thats really awful of you.Her husband died and you just dropped the friendship.

I dont think the dog walking was more important but maybe she couldnt be there as her dh died.I think in this case you are in the wrong @lovesugarfreejelly63

mortifiedmama · 10/12/2018 16:11

@lovesugarfreejelly63 seriously? I really hope you had more evidence than that. She was grieving. It doesn't just happen after the person has died. you ditched her when she needed people most.

chickydoo · 10/12/2018 17:21

She stopped calling as much, she didn't respond to texts.
I had supported her though illnesses (many times) and pregnancies.
No idea what happened really.
I knew her for 40 years.
I think ultimately I don't fit with her 'new circle' and I know too much about her past.
Time to let go.

Springmachine · 10/12/2018 18:43

She had a massive argument with one of my bridesmaids on my hen do and then decided that she couldn't possibly be around that person on my wedding day so didn't come at all.

I'd already booked and paid for her hair to be done on the morning of as she's requested it

I then got a card from her a week after I got back from honeymoon with just a note to say sorry it's late.

All I can assume is that there is other stuff going on that I don't know about as her reaction and following behaviour is awful

Springmachine · 10/12/2018 18:47

@lovesugarfreejelly63
The DH could have died if she had decided to walk the dog at a different time.
That just sounds like awful luck for your ex friend and I bet that hurt a lot more.
She probably really needed you.
So judgmental

Yutes · 11/12/2018 15:40

I had another friend who became quite demanding of my time. Criticised me when I wasn’t available to speak (there was a substantial time difference) and eventually he was arrested for sharing child pornography. He swore he didn’t but I just couldn’t trust him anymore

tierraJ · 11/12/2018 19:22

A male friend I had in my 20s became an ex friend when I found out what he'd said behind my back to all his male friends about my appearance.

He'd said I looked like a male film character who had a receding hairline with frizzy hair, white face & mad eyes.
That was his nickname for me to all his mates.

I was devastated as I made a lot of effort to look nice & I thought we could maybe become more than friends.

I still don't trust men or think that they could possibly find me attractive after the way he & his friends behaved, & im 42 now.
Maybe I should get over it but a lot of men have criticised my appearance in the past not just him so it's hard.

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