How do I get my house tidy?

[whatamessitallis]

My house is a terrible mess, I don't know how to get to grips with it.

It's got to the point I just don't know how to make an impact on it. But I need to, this is crisis point.

I've always struggled with keeping on top of housework.
But this last year or so, I've been away a lot (elderly dad has needed looking after and mum died earlier this year of cancer).

The house has got into such a state, I can't seem to impact it. Plus I find it hard to know where to start. I work from home, supporting a family member's business. I'm good at my work, but I find it takes me longer to do than it would a "normal" person and that makes it harder to have enough time to get to grips with the house.

DH is unwell and depressed. The environment is making him worse and the depression kicks off his ailments. He's often in bed in pain. He can't bend as his back hurts. He's in a negative spiral and I'm scared what's going to happen. The house really isn't helping. I suspect he may leave soon.

I paid for a de-cluttering person to come help me, and she's been coming once a week for a couple of months. But I'm running out of money to do that, it's not cheap. We do a room at a time, together but the house is so bad, we only managed to do half the front room in 4 hours this week. And I haven't been about to keep on top of it enough between visits for it to make a massive difference. De-cluttering people work with you, they don't do it for you, and that's exactly what I needed from her, someone to do it with me. I'm basically paying her to be my friend! Really I need DP to do it with me, but he's in too much pain and we're not communicating well at the moment, so it's not going to happen. He does all the cooking & washing up instead as he can do that standing up.

The house is a bad as a hoarder's house. I'm not a hoarder - I don't cling on to stuff. But I have real problems with organisation and procrastination. I think maybe I have ADHD (I'n going for an assessment in January). I fit the profile anyway.

The kids are getting older and really want to have friends round - they used to, but not in the last 18 months, since it got so bad. I won't let anyone in. There's only so many times I can take the kids to softplay or whatever. They want to be able to play at home.

How do I get out of this situation? Can anyone give me any advice on what to do?

I tried going for counselling for procrastination, didn't make a difference. DH and I went for couples counselling, didn't help address the communication break down at all.

I need to know how to get on top of it. I tend to get very focused on things e.g. my work, and it's hard to switch focus.

I find it really hard to stay on task when cleaning. I think possibly because I feel so much guilt about it, I beat myself up while tidying, if I'm doing it alone. But I can't keep paying someone to be with me! I need to work out how to do it. Maybe I need to make it easier for myself by trying to make it fun? Does that work for people?

Maybe I should do it and listen to a podcast or something. I dunno.

What works for you? Is there anyone here who's really terrible at this kind of thing but manages to get it done and stay on top of it? How do you do it?

I really wanted it to be tidy for Christmas and I'm worried as I can see that slipping away. We're not here for Christmas itself thankfully, the kids will have a lovely Christmas with relatives. But I really want them to be able to have friends round for mince pies etc.

That's my goal, I need a plan for how to get there! We have 4 beds, front room, kitchen and garden room to do. Is it doable in time? 3 weeks - while working and helping with my dad - it's not really is it.

I guess I need to prioritise what needs doing for guests to come.

That's:

front room
kitchen
kids rooms
garden room
cursory tidy of our room so at least it's not overflowing with clothes bursting out the door.

Hmm. Is that doable?

Ignoring the cursory tidy, if I do a day per room, that's 5 days. Do I have 5 days in the 3 weeks? Not really, I'm hardly here.

Bugger. Please tell me how to prioritise this and any tricks you have?

Do I just bag it all up and stick it in the attic so the house is tidy? (Attic is full of crap from doing similar before mind).

Sorry for the essays. If you read all that, you deserve a medal! Here have some and !

How old are your children?

My kids are 4 (nearly 5) and 8.

Ok, so your living room....you did half of it in 4 hours. Can you tell me how many bin bags you removed in that time?

The Organised Mum Method. Life changing.

Erm. I think it was two bin bags plus 2 carrier bags of recycling plus a bag for the charity shop.

Threw away a lot of broken toys and stuff that's beyond its useful life that I've been crap about getting rid of.

Also filled 2 large tubs with clothes. Still loads of clothes here.

About half the mess is clothes, I think. There are piles of clothes everywhere. The garden room for example has a bunk bed in bits (waiting to be built) and pile and piles of clean clothes. (plus the washing machine) You can't see the floor.

One way is to invite someone to visit. That really focuses my mind. I clean the loo, tidy and clean the room they will be using whereas I often keep putting it off. I think if you have one room you can move unwanted stuff into , that is a great help. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Actually, the mess in the 4th bedroom is all sorts of random crap. As we didn't use that room for ages, we ended up chucking things in there when tidying in a hurry.

You can't get in it now, that's the worst one. Loads of it can probably be chucked out.

One way is to invite someone to visit

We do have a friend coming just before Christmas, and I'd really like it to be tidy for her. But it might not be at this rate, and if it isn't I'll do what I did last time, get her an AirBnB down the road.

But yes, I totally agree having people visit helps!

That was our old system basically. We used to have people round and frantically tidy before they came.

That worked - kinda - for several years.

But it's tipped over the edge to more than I can do in a day or two now. and we just don't have people round now. That's also affecting DH's mental state I think as he loves having people round.

Organised mum method looks great - but that's for a house that's already functional. I can't, for example, mop my floors every day, as I can't see the floors in my bedroom, the 4th bedroom and the garden room.

I can't even get in the 4th bedroom!

I hear you OP. Sometimes things just pile up without you having the headspace to deal with them.

I have a few suggestions/questions - ignore the ones you don't feel are helpful:

• why are there clothes everywhere? If they're waiting to be ironed, forget it - don't iron, you can get away without ironing most stuff these days. Or outsource the stuff that really needs it
• if it's not an ironing thing, gather up all the clothes. Put them on a bed (yours preferably so you finish the job) and sort them into piles of what belongs to who. If you have too many clothes, especially for adults, cut them down. If you don't wear them/they're worn/don't fit, just get rid. Fill up more bin bags and put them straight in your boot and take them to the charity shop
• once laundry is dry, put it into piles/baskets for each person. Then it's clear to see who it belongs to and you can take it to be put away person by person if it's too much to do at once

• you say you've sorted broken toys. Go through again and sort out ones they've outgrown or not interested in. Now is a good time to donate stuff to charities etc

• get a big plastic box and put all paperwork in there. I find I have loads of stuff that I need a record of but don't need to action. Ideally you'll want to sort the paperwork, scan it all so you have a record, then shred it, but at the moment put it all in the box so it's altogether
• at the same time, have a large box/bag and immediately bin anything not essential - it may go against the grain but if you need to clear the way you need to get rid of stuff

• get a large plastic box per child and sort their toys into them. If they have more than fills a box, seriously consider get rid

• be ruthless, don't keep things just in case. You need to clear the space

What do you think are the worst issues with each room? Is it too much stuff? No decent storage? Too dirty?

In the nicest possible way you need to be ruthless. Get loads of bin liners and fill with excess clothes, toys for charity shop and rubbish put out straight away. Maybe contact a charity shop who could come collrct if you have lots.

If it's too much to do in a big job, try 1 thing or 1 carrier bag full out of the house each day. There's a running thread on here I think. It will make a massive difference.

For me a 15 min blitz works where I just spend a short set time cleaning, tidying and sorting before I sit down for the evening or if I'm up a bit earlier in the morning. When the kettle is boiling I put away washing up or clean the sides down. When the girls are getting ready for bed i squirt bleach down the loo and wipe round the sink/ toilet seat.

There are clothes everywhere for a few reasons.

There's a bottleneck with things going upstairs. Clearing that would make a huge difference.

I can't actually easily walk in my room and reach the space for putting clothes away. It's hard to get to both my and DH's drawers and the wardrobe as the bed and mess are in the way.

The bed is in the way as there's too much crap in there, I need to pick up all the clothes on the floor and then get rid of a large filing cabinet and move the bed over to make space - but it's too heavy for DP with now as it'll injure his back to move them. So not quite sure what's going to happen about them.

So I tend to take a tub of clothes up. I'm in a hurry and think - I'll put them away later, but I never do.

Clean clothes often end up spread around and on the floor upstairs as I tend to get ready in a massive hurry as I'm usually running late. If it's anything I need to be smarter than jeans and a top, I struggle to find clothes as I've put on weight and also everything is so spread about. Plus I only buy new clothes in a rush when I actually need them urgently, so my selection of clothes is crap. So I get ready by putting on clothes quickly, looking in the mirror to see if acceptable, if not I put something else on. This might involve running up and down stairs to find other bits of clothes hiding somewhere. As I'm in a hurry, putting rejected clothes away (or in the charity shop bag!) isn't a priority as getting out the door is the most important. So they get left wherever.

Yes I should leave more time, but I live my entire life like this right now - lurching from one emergency situation I've created with my own lack of organisation, to another. It's not much fun. Prior to getting ready, I probably will have been working up until 20 minutes before we need to leave, desperately trying to get something finished in time.

There are masses of clean clothes - and a small pile of dirty clothes in the garden room as that's where the washing machine and dryer are, so clean clothes get taken out of the dryer and put on the pile.

There are about a gazilion coats on the pegs and stairs, which often get knocked off. I guess I need to find a space to put away the ones we're not using - but no idea where.

I don't know why the other ones are lying about!

Hmm. Maybe I'm just assuming DH can't manage the filing cabinet. I'll ask if he thinks we could do it together.

If it's too much to do in a big job

The only way I'm going to have any chance of doing it by Christmas is as several big jobs. If I do a thing a day I'll be retiring before we're done!

Perhaps I need to make sure I do a bag a day though, for the days I'm not doing a big tidy. (If I get to actually do any of those days!)

Ok - if you have lots of clothes that don't fit (I've been there) you need to stop, spend an hour going through and trying everything on and sort into piles of what fits and what doesn't. The stuff that doesn't, only if you love it, put it in a vac bag to store - but only if you have space in the loft/bottom of wardrobe/under bed. Otherwise just donate it to charity.

This way you'll be left with clothes that you know fit so it should reduce the multiple outfit changes when you're getting dressed.
Ideally you should get your clothes out the night before too, but this should help.

If your DH can't lift stuff can you ask a friend who can for help? And get them to help make up the bunk beds while you're at it?

What do you think are the worst issues with each room?
Is it too much stuff? No decent storage? Too dirty?

Our bedroom - too many clothes, need to get rid of most of them. Need to move heavy filing cabinet downstairs, not sure if DH can right now. Need new bed frame.

Kids rooms - need a good tidy but not too bad

Bathroom - needs work finishing

Front room - needs deep clean. Get rid of toys. Get new boxes for Ikea cupboard. Put clothes away

Garden room - sort through clothes mountain, send loads to charity shop. Store bed better till can make it

4th bedroom - disaster zone. Probably needs putting in a skip! Loads of crap we don't need. No idea what's in there. The mess is about 4 foot high as we've used it as a dumping groups for so long. Would probably take 3 days to go through it all.

Hallway - loads of crap accumulating there. Bags with got knows what in (I never think to unpack them - no urgency, you see).

Kitchen - needs deep clean and a load of piles of crap chucked out.

Garden - let's not even go there (well, we don't!)

If your DH can't lift stuff can you ask a friend who can for help?

Currently too ashamed to let anyone in the door. Except the nice decluttering woman as it's her job, she's seen worse I'm sure!

In terms of doing it bit by bit, what I've done previously is clear one room (if the 4th bedroom is full of stuff that can be thrown out, throw out the stuff and use that). Then use that as the sorting room - space where you keep your paperwork box (so as you work through rooms you have a specific place to put it), a box for each person's laundry etc. That way if there's no "home " for something, you know it needs to go.

I have lots of sympathy OP. I've been in a similar state (our spare bedroom is currently sacrificed to the clutter) - if you were near me I'd come over and help you myself.

I have had to down size a couple of times quickly due to house moves, which means shedding stuff and sorting quickly.
Hire a skip for a week, it gives you a deadline.
Get a large roll of bin bags and the number of a charity which will collect your stuff, I used BHF.
Chuck anything broken or too worn to give away in the skip.
Bin bag any clean decent clothes that don't fit or you don't like or haven't worn for a year.
Look round your house, how much room do you have for stuff? You can only have as many books as you have book shelves, bag the ones that don't fit for charity shop.
As many toys as fit in your toy boxes.
Don't over think it and work quickly.

(if the 4th bedroom is full of stuff that can be thrown out, throw out the stuff and use that)

I like your thinking - but, the 4th bedroom is my bottom priority.

It's the room that needs to most work, but need to get the place tidy for Christmas. I just cant do all of it by then. I'm with my dad half the week. And I'm working when I'm here.

I can simply shut the door on the 4th bedroom while the guests are here.

If I was starting in the summer, that'd be great, but I just don't have the time to do that and everything else.

Clothes sound like the priority - can you make them the first task?

Also sorting the hall - I feel much better if the hall is clear (don't know why!)

I second the idea of hiring a skip, especially for the 4th bedroom - if you don't know what's in there you won't miss it when it's gone. Can you order a new bedframe so you have a point to aim for?

I have lots of sympathy OP. I've been in a similar state (our spare bedroom is currently sacrificed to the clutter)

Thank you

How did you get out of it? Do you manage to keep on top of it now?

I'm a bit worried about ordering a bed frame as we're not doing too well with beds!

DD is currently sleeping in with me, and DP is on the sofa as I ordered a new cabin bed for DD with loads of storage under it. She has a tiny bedroom and I thought it'd help.

Only this was 4 weeks ago now. We took down her old bed and took it to the charity shop. We started building the new bed and found a piece had been damaged in transit, when we opened the box. Do we downed tools. The new bit came a week later.

It's a 2 person job and since then DH has just ill all the bloody time (sorry, but really fed up with it! If it's not one thing it's another) We've not managed to find the time when I'm here, for us to do it together.

Once we get this one done, I'll order the next one. But if I order it now, that'll be 3 bedframe in the house! (The one in the garden room is an upgrade. Got it on ebay, but it's been sitting there for ages - no urgency so it never gets to the top of the list).