How do I get my house tidy?

[whatamessitallis]

My house is a terrible mess, I don't know how to get to grips with it.

It's got to the point I just don't know how to make an impact on it. But I need to, this is crisis point.

I've always struggled with keeping on top of housework.
But this last year or so, I've been away a lot (elderly dad has needed looking after and mum died earlier this year of cancer).

The house has got into such a state, I can't seem to impact it. Plus I find it hard to know where to start. I work from home, supporting a family member's business. I'm good at my work, but I find it takes me longer to do than it would a "normal" person and that makes it harder to have enough time to get to grips with the house.

DH is unwell and depressed. The environment is making him worse and the depression kicks off his ailments. He's often in bed in pain. He can't bend as his back hurts. He's in a negative spiral and I'm scared what's going to happen. The house really isn't helping. I suspect he may leave soon.

I paid for a de-cluttering person to come help me, and she's been coming once a week for a couple of months. But I'm running out of money to do that, it's not cheap. We do a room at a time, together but the house is so bad, we only managed to do half the front room in 4 hours this week. And I haven't been about to keep on top of it enough between visits for it to make a massive difference. De-cluttering people work with you, they don't do it for you, and that's exactly what I needed from her, someone to do it with me. I'm basically paying her to be my friend! Really I need DP to do it with me, but he's in too much pain and we're not communicating well at the moment, so it's not going to happen. He does all the cooking & washing up instead as he can do that standing up.

The house is a bad as a hoarder's house. I'm not a hoarder - I don't cling on to stuff. But I have real problems with organisation and procrastination. I think maybe I have ADHD (I'n going for an assessment in January). I fit the profile anyway.

The kids are getting older and really want to have friends round - they used to, but not in the last 18 months, since it got so bad. I won't let anyone in. There's only so many times I can take the kids to softplay or whatever. They want to be able to play at home.

How do I get out of this situation? Can anyone give me any advice on what to do?

I tried going for counselling for procrastination, didn't make a difference. DH and I went for couples counselling, didn't help address the communication break down at all.

I need to know how to get on top of it. I tend to get very focused on things e.g. my work, and it's hard to switch focus.

I find it really hard to stay on task when cleaning. I think possibly because I feel so much guilt about it, I beat myself up while tidying, if I'm doing it alone. But I can't keep paying someone to be with me! I need to work out how to do it. Maybe I need to make it easier for myself by trying to make it fun? Does that work for people?

Maybe I should do it and listen to a podcast or something. I dunno.

What works for you? Is there anyone here who's really terrible at this kind of thing but manages to get it done and stay on top of it? How do you do it?

Chuck the lot.
All clothing, bag it up and aim to take 10 bags out today.
We are moving, just did it, God it is so amazing....

Hope its going well OP

Good luck - I hope it's going well, try to do a few minutes more.

Keep going OP!

I've dropped off a further 4 bags to the charity shop today. I've also got another bag on the go and will sort through the kids wardrobes in the morning. They seem to have had another growth spurt in the past month since I last had a clear out. Once you start the clear out and you go past a certain point it's quite difficult to go back, you need to keep going. It's really good for your mental health, it makes me feel like I do after a good I've gone for a good jog. Having a good declutter and going for a brisk walk really clears my mind.

Well done Baltic! :) I'm still on a tidying mission too.

A lovely MNer joined me via Skype this morning to help me sort through my clothes.

I find it really helps to have someone to chat to, it makes the time fly by and it feels like it's no trouble at all. I don't know why the same task seems daunting alone. Stupid really!

I'm very grateful to her, it was so very nice of her to give up her time.

We got through one clothes mountain in an hour. One large bin bag for charity and only about a bin bag of clothes to go back on my shelves. (I'm sure there most be some more here somewhere.....)

I found 2 more large bin bags of clothes to go our later on, after sorting through some kids clothes, some of which have been hanging round the house for years.

DH & DS took the bags to the charity shop so they have actually left the building (hooray!). They also took a huge parcel of good quality kids stuff to post to my niece & her kids.

DH has had a go at the kitchen, it's less chaotic than it was but still a long way to go. I bought some overpriced wooden boxes from H&M (but I like them! And found a 20% off code online) and have tided the oils, spices (we have more than the spice rack can hold) etc into them.

House still looks a shit tip, bed not built, but getting there albeit slowly....

Still need a massive blitz if I'm going to get anywhere near my goal of having a friend over at Christmas!...

Yay, well done op! Little & often is the key to keep on top of it all. Dh is taking dc out to meet his brother for Sunday lunch later on. I'm staying home to do a deep clean of the upstairs bedrooms & bathroom.

I've got 2 bags & a box ready for dh to take to the charity shop later today. I'll put a box of old toys and brick a brack out on the driveway. Then whatever is left behind, dh can take to the charity shop later. Try doing this op, it'll help you clear the junk without much effort.

I time my paper recycling for when the bins are due to be collected. That way they can't be rescued and brought back into the house!

If people ask about Christmas gift ideas for your children then request gift vouchers, experience gifts or cash. My sil is buying panto tickets for the dc and another sil bought tickets for legoland. Again, it'll reduce the amount of plastic tat in the house.

Keep going OP, you've made a fantastic start!!

I've managed to keep my conservatory totally tidy since last week.
Yesterday I did the dining room which is now the study - put all the nicknacks away before I put the Christmas decs up. I'd planned to get up really early today to do the same in the living room but have only just woken up so need to crack on before the kids get up.

Next week in the evenings I am going to have to blitz two of the kids bedrooms - big style, so that they can shut their wardrobes etc otherwise there'll be nowhere for our guests to sleep - we've got 6 coming to join us for New Year!

Keep going, today is another day - just think, what will you be able to say you've achieved today?

I've been doing mine recently. I concentrate on one room at a time.
I get a system going: bin bag for rubbish, bag or box for recycling, box for charity/freecycle stuff. Once a bag is full, it goes straight out to the bin, or to the car to donate. Anything broken, anything I've not used, especially with the kids rooms buried under beds or cupboards, goes.
Have a goal in mind, like with you and Christmas. Reward yourself when a room is done with something small, even a cuppa.
Once you have done, get in the habit of daily chores like hoovering, polishing, changing beds and cleaning. Once a month I look in my wardrobe and if there's anything I've not worn, it goes.
I have a box that is for sentimental things, anything else goes. As much as I would love to keep every card or drawing the kids do, it's just not possible. They're older now but when little I used to keep one each on the fridge and they would stay until recycling day and then out they'd go.
You've got this far, admitting it needs sorting, so you can do it.

Wow you did brilliantly yesterday OP!
I condensed 5 massive memory boxes into 1 over the last couple of days and cleared some anonymous boxes of crap out of our bedroom
The house still looks no different but I’m trying to remain positive - it is different, there is less stuff, just got to keep going!

I’m sure having all the Xmas trees and things hanging around isn’t helping the place look any better though, maybe come January it’ll look minimalist??

I've read this whole thread over the past few days and you've all inspired me to sort out some of our crap. I've just put two bin bags of rubbish out 😁 Thank you! Keep going OP 💐

Well done OP! I’ve been following this thread and wondered if I could ask some advice about getting rid of clothes.

I have a lot of clothes but alot of them are a bit on the tight side as I have put on a few pounds since last winter. I can’t just get rid of them all as I’ll have nothing left but they make me feel horrible as they are tight & uncomfortable which makes me feel bad about myself.

Also alot of my clothes are fairly cheap basics and they look a bit tired (like me!). I don’t have much money to buy new ones though so feel like I can’t just chuck everything out as I’ll have nothing left and won’t be able to replace.

What should i do as I feel overwhelmed with clothes everywhere?

Sorry for the post hijack OP.

I have a few friends that have a summer wardrobe and a winter wardrobe. Whichever is in use goes in your usual wardrobe. Your other clothes get vaccume packed or into plastic storage boxes in the attic. Perhaps your smaller winter ones could be put away like that?

@Honey1975 do you use Facebook? If so are you part of any local groups (they're usually called Gossip Girls or local).
A few years ago, a lady on our local group organised swishing parties at her home, an every few months, others who came along to her one followed. You take some clothes you no longer want or which don't fit, and you swap them with someone else's who has come along. No money changes hands.
I'm actually considering organising one at school for kids clothes as an evening event with a few nibbles. It was a great way of getting new clothes without paying money and also getting rid of clothes which I wouldn't wear again.

Boo that sounds like a good idea although I’m not sure anyone would want anything of mine. I’ve just been putting some clothes away and they are all dull and boring. I’ve lost confidence in what to wear and what suits me now with a bit of weight gain. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

Well done OP

How are you getting on op? I found 10 rolls of brand new Christmas wrapping paper up in the loft in addition to what I've already got. So I donated them to the metropolitan police Christmas appeal at my local police station. That's 10 excess rolls put of the house and one plastic storage box reclaimed.

I've gone through 3 boxes ofof paperwork and reduced it all to a folder. The rest of it is outside in the paper recycling box.

Good luck!

Terrible, everyone's tired and grumpy.

I had some work on, which I was late with but then it took me much longer than I anticipated, so I was up to 3am the previous two nights, then I pulled an all righter, near enough, last night (I dozed off at about 6:30 but awake again an hour later). Because I was tired it took me longer, too, as I kept making mistakes.

Knackered doesn't cover it. I had a nap earlier but will probably take me a couple of days to get back to normal.

DH's back's playing up, he's been in agony the last 3 days. He's up and functional today - albeit in pain, but he spent the last 2 days in bed, unable to get up. So he's not in the best of moods. He's losing work opportunities because of it and is totally fed up. It's not helping his state of mind. We had a row this morning (basically him getting frustrated and and shouting, me asking him not to shout and him being enraged by me saying that). We spent the day basically ignoring each other and are now pretending it didn't happen. It's the only way we can function right now. It's shit.

The kids went to bed late, and they're over tired too. For DD that means she's manic! In fact, it's bedtime - now!

Sorry for the pity post. I'll get back up and at it soon, I promise!

TheBaltictriangle well done on your Christmas paper cull!

Can you shout if you get frustrated, or is it only him who can do this in your household?

No. There's no way I could shout at him. He can't even handle me saying stop shouting. I don't think I've ever lost my temper and shouted at him.

I'm aware how bad that sounds. There's lots I could say about the relationship. I've been pissed off and made my feelings clear, but not by shouting.

Suffice to say it's really not great and the moment, and it may well be towards the end. It does seem to be going that way, fairly fast right now.

FWIW he's now doing CBT for anger, off his own back. When he's not angry he says he's freaked out by how angry he's getting. He never was an angry person before. But he did always suppress his emotions. I now feel like maybe I understand why, that this is what he was scared of.

The more I read the more I think the best thing you could declutter right now is your husband

Sending you

I’m in a very similar situation. I’m enjoying reading the helpful responses here!

There are Facebook groups for online support with these issues. I was on one once called a clean slate.

Today, before breakfast I tidied the hall and put a new rug down. I did about 4 or 5 loads of washing (lost count!) and put away loads of clothes from the clothes mountain in the garden room (about double what I washed). I got DD to help me, and she was great.

I also got DS to pick up all the books and clothes from his floor, which he did, but with much moaning!

And I got rid of a large bin bag full of children's clothes to the charity shop.

The house is still a massive tip! But it's a step in the right direction...

Oh. only the hall was before breakfast, not all the washing etc!! We would have been ravenous!