What’s your worst household mishap? Can you beat mine?

[Nitpickpicnic]

Oh Lord, give me your best ‘if you can’t laugh, you’d cry’ clumsiness stories.

I just plonked myself down on my new sofa, with my iPad and a glass of red wine in hand. Well-deserved 15 minute reward ‘me’ time during a very busy day.

iPad looked like it was slipping so I overcompensated with the other hand to steady it. The hand with the wine. Wine has tipped onto: the sofa, the carpet, me, the side table (with open bills on it), dripped onto the iPad and over the edge of it, down into the heating duct. It was probably only a small half full glass, and I swear not one drop has avoided causing problems. I don’t even have time to properly swab everything and spray the (various) fabrics.

Is this The Universe underlining to me that I should not drink wine, or can you reassure me it’s common to be this clumsy? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh my god, that's awful! I assume it's not 4am where you are . . really can't you make the time to do whatever will mitigate the damage to the sofa?

To answer your question, no I have never had a domestic disaster anywhere near as bad as that. Big sympathy!

Years ago when my son was small I put the washing basket on top of the oven.

I didn’t realise that the hob knobs had been knocked. I came back into the kitchen a few mins later to flames!!!!!

I have since never put or left even a saucepan on top of a job since... once I’m done using them I take them straight off. If I see my dh put anything on it I take it off straight away before I fall into a whole panic thing. Never again.

My best 2 were going to do the washing up and leaving the hot tap running, daughter called me in the living room so forgot it was on... then heard water pouring all over the kitchen floor resulting in the bathroom being flooded

The second is when my daughter accidentally knocked my husbands full bowl of cereal onto our living room carpet... he stepped over it and went upstairs to change... !!! Getting milk out of carpet is NOT fun...

Just remembered another.. accidently threw away the hoover cylinder, it dropped into the green bin by accident then phone rung so forgot to go out to retrieve it again... bin went out the next day

Accidently turned the fridge freezer off before we went on a two week holiday... came back to the worst smell ever and rotted fish.

Once a dropped a bowl of cereal over my dressing table, it went in various draws and coated all the items inside.

I also once knocked over a cup of coffee, went to move the table to get to where it had spilled which knocked DHs over too.

I dropped a glass of black currant diluting juice down the stairs it was on the ceiling, the white walls, the cream carpet, DH work stuff he'd left lying on the stairs; It was everywhere. I kept finding splashes and spots for days! Ended up just redecorating! The best bit is the glass didn't break at all!

I once walked upstairs with a steaming hot mug of tomato soup in one hand and my book in the other.
I meant to throw the book on the bed and instead threw the mug. There was soup everywhere....the bed, floor, ceiling, window, walls. I didn't realise you could fit that much tomato soup in a mug.

It took hours to clean up and some stains never came out. I'd only gone upstairs to read and relax for half an hour

As a child maybe age 10ish, my dad asked me to put the ironing board away. I asked where I should put the hot iron whilst it cooled and he said "the floor". So I put it face down on the floor and burnt an iron shape into the carpet. OOPSS!

I can't think of any but why is it when you spill liquid it appears to treble in volume?

I once knocked the Sky remote off the arm of the sofa and it landed in a pint of milk. Didn’t know that the fat in milk fries electrical circuits so remote control was instantly ruined. Even funnier is it must be a regular occurrence because the woman at Sky even asked me if it had fallen into milk!!

I had the kitchen all set up and ready to paint. I’d spent ages carefully frog taping everything, clearing surfaces.
I thought I’ll just give the tin of paint a quick shake.....ooooosh! Ended up with a tin full of paint all over my new expensive floor, up the walls, cupboards, fridge etc.

Not so much my own mistake but I was partly responsible for my 18 month old discovering the Sudocreme, happily plunging his hands into it and smearing virtually the entire contents over our fabric sofa. It hasn't been the same since.

(Sorry to PPs above I have been shamelessly giggling at your mishaps)

I was carrying a glass of water to bed, stopped to look out of the window. I dropped something, bent over to pick it up, forgetting I'd got a glass of water in the other hand.
The water arced out perfectly into my husband's slipper that was on the floor but as it was dark I couldn't see it. I knew the water had spilt out the glass but didn't hear it "land" on the carpet, IYSWIM. I was patting about on the carpet, wondering if I'd wandered into a parallel universe!
Finally realized what had happened, started sniggering and tried to empty his slipper, made so much noise I woke DH up, he didn't find it so funny, can't think why?

It’s the universe telling you to pour a bigger glass. Heavier glass probably would have been more stable.

I had changed the bed in a very small space, it was a mission to change a double bed duvet cover, sheets etc in such a tiny room and I was feeling very pleased with my accomplishment (I’m completely shit at changing bedding at the best of times) when dh came up and said “oh, you’ve changed the bed!”, “Yes!”’I say proudly as I just smooth down the final corner...knocking a whole pint glass of juice off the side and onto the freshly made bed. It went EVERYWHERE. Down the side, all over the floor. Splashed the tv, computer, windows, Saturated the bedding. Fucking everywhere. Dh couldn’t stop laughing. In his minds eye he says it’s like he came up and happily exclaimed “oh, you’ve made the bed”! And I reply “yep!” whilst picking up the entire bloody massive pint glass of juice and pour it all over the room.

Almost the exact same thing happened last night. I got off the bed to get my purse and took out another whole pint glass of fresh orange juice. All over the floor. Under the bed. On the computer chair. Down the back of the chest of drawers. He found it very amusing. He says it’s never just a small mishap with me, like dropping a teaspoon or spilling a drop of milk. It’s a tsunami of disaster.

Dh says he’s going to buy me a sippy cup.

I once took a day off work to take delivery of a flat packed furniture.... the furniture was wrapped in a thick plastic wrap. So I took a pair of scissors, opened them up and used one of the blades to cut into the edge and run it down the edge IYSWIM ...... but some how as I was dragging the scissors, they closed and my index finger got caught and I managed to cut the pad of my finger off.....

It only looked like a small cut so didn't think much of it, wrapped in a plaster but after 2 days it was still bleeding. DH finally managed to persuade me to go to A&E, where it was quarterised and my I have never screamed or sworn so much in my entire life!! Not sure the dr knew what to do with himself....

@DurhamDurham sorry, that really made me laugh!
That's the sort of silly thing I'd do!

Oh and another. We were at my mums and trying to open a bottle of red wine when the corkscrew broke. The corkscrew has loosened the cork a little so we decided to just push it down into the bottle (we were a bit tipsy!) and I’ll never know why we decided I would do it but as I pushed down on the cork with the end of a knife it shot down into the bottle with all might force, red wine exploded out the top covering my mums bright white kitchen floor, walls and cabinets. It took aaaages to clean.

Very worst was when DD was a few weeks old. I'd had an EMCS and was still very sore. A pipe under our bath perished and gallons of water poured out, all over the floor and down the stairs.
The water leaked through the floor, through the ceiling of my downstairs neighbours' bedroom and hallway.
First I knew about it was her banging on the door. Nobody to help me as DH had gone back to work. Had to find stopcocks (outside), try to mop up flood, pacify screaming child, sort insurance...

I came home from school once to find DM on the floor of the kitchen with a pair of scissors, asked her what she was doing and got the response "I'm just freeing the hoover".
She'd superglued a bit of lino back down in the kitchen, forgotten and put the hoover on top of it with the result the hoover was also superglued to the floor.

Not really an accident... But a huge mess.

Small child, high bunk bed, tummy bug, vomit spray over entire room.

She had decided sensibly not to be sick in her bed but over the side. The force and the height meant it hit the floor and splattered all over her small room. Clothes toys walls and even ceilings needed cleaning at 2am.

30 years ago, DH and I used to make our own country wines, in big Winchester glass jars with water trap valves on top, to let the CO2 bubble out as the yeast produced it.
I noticed a gallon of strawberry wine had been fermenting too fast, and a plug of strawberry pulp had risen up and blocked the valve.
Thinking I was being sensible, I carried it to the kitchen sink, assuming that when I removed the valve to clean it, the released back pressure would cause the wine to overflow safely into the sink.
You can see where I’m going with this, can’t you?
I removed the valve. The back pressure was enormous.
A gallon of bright red strawberry wine exploded out of the jar and hosed our entire newly painted kitchen....

Delicious smoothy and broken blender jug. Equals sticky fruit concoction over top of fridge and down the back into the metal grills. The worst bit is when you realise the jug is broken but you've already turned it on... There is a split second when you realise what you've done, but you almost want to leave it to find out what might happen.

My DM once made a 3litre bottle of juice up for us when we were little. She would shake them really vigorously to get it to mix. Only, she forgot to put the lid on and literally shook and threw so much juice up into the ceiling where it hit and smattered across the whole kitchen. Such a mess.

Came home from holiday to find the back garden ankle deep in sewage. It was 2am and I had a toddler with me.