What’s your worst household mishap? Can you beat mine?

[Nitpickpicnic]

Oh Lord, give me your best ‘if you can’t laugh, you’d cry’ clumsiness stories.

I just plonked myself down on my new sofa, with my iPad and a glass of red wine in hand. Well-deserved 15 minute reward ‘me’ time during a very busy day.

iPad looked like it was slipping so I overcompensated with the other hand to steady it. The hand with the wine. Wine has tipped onto: the sofa, the carpet, me, the side table (with open bills on it), dripped onto the iPad and over the edge of it, down into the heating duct. It was probably only a small half full glass, and I swear not one drop has avoided causing problems. I don’t even have time to properly swab everything and spray the (various) fabrics.

Is this The Universe underlining to me that I should not drink wine, or can you reassure me it’s common to be this clumsy? 🤦🏻‍♀️

My husband spent a whole day cleaning our oven, including taking the door off and cleaning in between the panes of glass - the whole shebang. As he replaced the door, a horrible noise ocurred which turned out to be the hinge snapping off in its housing.

A new hinge was going to cost £80 and, as the oven had come with the house, we had no guarantee that it would last long enough for that to be more cost-effective than just buying a new oven for £120 or so. Husband was devastated that we never even got to cook in the lovely clean oven, so, as the door was off anyway, we both took to admiring it ostentatiously whenever we were in the kitchen until its replacement was delivered.

My step dad took a bottle of ketchup out of the cupboard and gave it a vigorous shake... not realised that the last person to use it ( my sister) hadn't replaced the lid properly...

Ketchup everywhere! All over the table, wall, ceiling.... and all over my step dad.

It was about 8 years before he saw the funny side!

I was in hospital having our second DS when our first DS age 3, not watched by DH tipped a potty full of wee and poo into the bottom drawer of a chest which was full of clean baby clothes. Said husband then washed them on a boil wash and most of them were completely ruined.
Fast forward 13 years and I had to pack as we were going to Grandma's funeral ( 250 miles away) I asked the eldest son ( now 16) to get a case out of the cupboard on the landing.Iinstead of moving the 5 litre can of cream paint out of the way, tried to haul the case over the top, yes I'm sure you can see where this is going, he managed to knock the can out and the lid came off spilling the whole lot over the red carpet. I was very cross!!! I scooped most of it up back into the can with a stainless steel flat bladed kitchen tool. and cleaned the carpet. Apart from the carpet feeling rough you'd never have known.
And I didn't have to claim on the insurance.

My puppy opened the kitchen cupboard and split a huge bottle of cooking oil and a family sized box of soap power all over the kitchen floor. I remember standing there thinking how on earth do I clean this up, I can't sweep the soap power up as it's mixed with the oil and I can't wash the oil away as the soap power will foam everywhere.

TheDogAteMySock
What did you do?

Came out of the gym all nicely showered and clean clothed. Sat in the car and shook my shaker bottle to mix the milk and protein powder. Lid wasn't on properly. Chocolate protein shake all over my white car interior.

Just this week, making a drop cake using a squeezy bottle to get the drip effect. Decided to squeeze the leftover ganache directly into my mouth. Tipped head back, squeezed, lid popped off.

More accidents that mishaps.....

Slipped in the bath, knocked myself out and DH had to haul me out the water, if he'd not been home I probably would've drowned. 2 black eyes and a cut above my eyebrow and 2 days later I was working at a police client

Also electrocuted myself on the Christmas tree lights.

I hadn't long moved into my house. The whole place was a bit like the house that Jack built I'd just finished a 14 hour shift and feeling tired and lazy thought that I could get away with a packet of crisps instead of making a proper dinner. Reached into the wall cupboard and the whole unit fell off the wall. Flour, cereal, cooking oil, plaster from the wall as well as the cupboard everywhere! Had to pull the fridge out and everything! Was not impressed

Vanellope i think I used a couple of old dog towels to mop up / scoop up most of it, (which I then threw away) then just washed and washed and washed the floor. It took a very long time.

DH dropped a tin of gloss paint out of the loft hatch and it smashed open all down the carpeted stairs 2 hours before DS 5th birthday party to which ten 5 year olds were coming to the house😱

Well, if it makes you feel any better I have 3!

1. I used to live in a terraced house with a front door that opened onto the lounge. I opened the front door, tripped up the step, and kinda threw the large can of quick drying varnish I was carrying all over the sofa and carpet.

2. a pigeon flew down our chimney and got stuck behind the fire. When DH managed to get it out it panicked and flew round the lounge leaving soot, shit and blood everywhere. We got it out of the patio doors eventually and it flew off OK.

3. OH lord this one hurts! I had just bought two cans of paint, one emulsion and one gloss and put them in the hall. (we have one in this house!) 15 minutes later the door went and it was a parcel for my son, a new radiator for his car 'cos we're all about the DIY in our house. Anyway, I put the radiator behind the paint, in what I thought was a safe way until 5 minutes later it toppled forward, knocking the pot of gloss paint over, which came open and went all over the wooden floor.

I went to see what the noise was, shouted Oh Shit, at which point the dog came to see what she could do to help, nosy git. Anyway, after doing a lap through the paint, and deciding there was nothing she could do, she decided to sit in the paint, so I have a black and tan GSD with white feet and a white arse. I lose it and shove her out the front door, so she decides to do laps of the newly laid block paving until a neighbour comes to say hi to her at which point she jumps up the wall and the neighbour, leaving white paw prints on both.

My DS comes down to see what all the fuss is, and thinks he has just the tool to fix it, cue DS pressure washing gloss paint off the floor, which just spreads everywhere and goes up the wall and glass front door as well.

I then see what DDog is doing to neighbour, apologise profusely and fetch dog in, walking her through the house to the back garden - she only leaves faint marks on the wooden floor as by this point most of the paint on her paws is on the front drive or the neighbour.

DS is now attacking all the paint, splashes and added water with as many towels as he can find, DDog, objecting to being shoved outside, sits on the garden table so that she can see through the window, getting her painty arse on both table, chairs and window.

I cry and phone my Mom

Sprayed weed killer instead of the lawn stuff onto my grass. It was brown for weeks and weeks

Also done the throwing hot cuppa onto the bed instead of phone/magazines

Yanked my phone while not realising it was still on charge, so the metal part of the charger snapped off and stayed stuck inside the phone. No insurance either

Left a glass on the stairs ready to take down to wash, completely forgot it was there so I then chucked all the laundry on the stairs and did my normal thing of walking downstairs checking my phone and kicking washing down to the bottom. Of course I kicked the glass and sent it flying down the hall and it smashed into a billion pieces all over my washing, all over the floor and left a lovely dent in the skirting board

DH let the new puppy outside before work and forgot to cage him again when he let him back inside. I came downstairs with toddler to see the whole of downstairs covered in ripped up tampons and pads

Cooking spag Bol, sauce and mince were simmering away in a pan with wooden spoon sticking out for stirring. DH sees a fly and tries to whack it with a tea towel. Hit the wooden spoon and sent bolognese sauce over the cupboards, ceiling, walls, counter and me. We had to paint the ceiling 4 times before orange stains stopped seeping through.

The absolute worst one though was when I balanced a tin of paint on the banister at the top of the stairs, of course it fell off and went all over the stair carpet, walls, bannisters, hallway floor, hallway walls and the shoe shelf. DDog's bed was under the stairs and in a panic she ran through it and tread it into the living room carpet and then outside onto stone flags. It was GLOSS. I genuinely cried for days. We had to get new flooring in the living room, hallway and on the stairs, sand the walls and re paint, sand the bannister and re paint, replace shoe shelf and the shoes, send DDog to the groomers to cut the paint from her paw fur, and jetwash the back garden for fucking ages! I do not paint anymore

Had just finished changing my bed covers, plumped up the cushions and walked around the bed to leave the room - tripped over the corner of the quilt cover that was hanging over the bed, face planted the wardrobe and as I put my hand out to save my fall, heard an almighty number of cracks. As i tried to stand up, I looked at my hand and my finger was in a 'v' shape. Suddenly felt nauseous and dizzy and screamed for help. After 4 hours at A and E, an X-Ray confirmed I had broken my finger in 5 places. Had to have operation the next day with a pin inserted and a plaster cast up to my elbow for 6 weeks!!! I suppose the up- side of that was I got out of doing the housework for a while!

Some years ago ( before kids) I cooked a turkey on christmas day.
A little tiddly while I took the turkey out of the oven.
We had 3 large dogs and a large kitchen.
The turkey was a lot heavier than I expected, and slid off the tray, lubed up by it's own juices and took off like a missile across the floor at top speed, chased by three excited dogs as it shot across the kitchen and under the dining table.

OH ( thankfully now an ex) did not see the funny side.

The vomit stories remind me of my own. Ds woke suddenly in the night feeling sick, I run him into the bathroom and he holds it in until that point, get to the toilet and the lid is closed, he vomits at the lid and it just seemed to keep coming. It was splashing everywhere, the walls, over us, of course onto the floor. It was so deep on the floor and I remember sliding around on it in my half asleep state as I tried to rectify the situation. I don't have a strong stomach for things like that.. and began being sick myself.
The following morning ds asked 'mummy why were you being sick last night too?' He drew a lovely picture of us both being sick together

I was feeling rubbish and decided to make a smoothie to give me a boost of energy and vitamins. Made this delicious smoothie, took the jug off the base and the bottom of the jug fell out and smoothie poured everywhere. All over the counter, the floor, my feet, dripped INTO the washing machine despite the door being closed, locked and the cycle going. It was a nightmare to clean up.

I've had so many it's impossible to write them all down, I'm so clumsy 🤦‍♀️
I once accidently left something plastic on top of the cooker and gave myself smoke inhilation.
I once filled a flip up top bottle with fizzy water and it exploded everywhere, I turned to find it was dripping off my EX's nose, it was in his eyes, his hair was wet, literally he was soaked. Still makes me LOL thinking about that!

When my parents went away on holiday, I was about 17, I left the kitchen tap running in the sink and went to work. Came home several hours later to find the dog paddling round the kitchen. The wooden units and drawers had absorbed water, expanded and necessitated a whole new kitchen. I also broke the hoover and the washer jammed full of clothes that I couldn't rectify in the same week. I was popular when they came home.

cptartap. That was the best. Your parents must have wept 😂😂

I was given a vacuum mug when they were a new idea.
Didn't appreciate the fact that one could drink from it without removing the lid ,that there was a hole out of which coffee could flow...
Placed the full mug on the seat of the car on top of some documents.
Result was coffee all over my Mother's application for sheltered housing and her newly signed will.Both of which had taken some organising.
"Mum, we need to you to sign a new will "

DH managed to throw a cup of tea over me and break my nose in one go .....

We used to have one of those ironing board hooks on the wall where the iron sits on the top and the board legs hang across two hooks underneath , and it used to hang next to the doorway into the futility room, which was in between the kitchen and the hall . I was just leaving for work , and went to say goodbye to DH who was just coming out of the kitchen with a cup of tea , when he suddenly realises that the still hot iron I’d just used , wasn’t properly sited in the holder and was about to fall out . So he rushes to try and stop the iron falling , but in doing so, knocks the board , which then springs off the hooks , and hits me square in the nose . And then catches the iron, but throws the cup of tea in doing so , all over me.

I end up with a broken nose and a black eye , and when I went into work , couldn’t be sent outside for a week , and , not only two of my seargants , but my inspector , and my whole team took turns to take me aside to quietly enquire if there was anything I needed to tell them. Bless their hearts .

BigStripeyBastard

Great story, superbly told.

Went up into the loft to bleed the pipes as we had no hot water. Job well done, I stepped back and fell through the ceiling.

Spilt a bottle of Bath oil over the newly tiled bathroom floor. Dd1,who is my double in clumsiness and usually useless when something goes wrong, cleaned it up in 10 minutes. She soaked up the worst with kitchen roll and the pourd lots of salt over it. Rubed the salt over the tiles, swept up the salt and did it again and again till the tiles were no longer slippy. It did take a lot of salt but I hate to think how long I would have to have scrubbed to get the same effect.
I'm not going to even start on all the disasters with spilt drinks, but one stands out. I was standing in front of the fire when my full mug of coffee slipped. It went straight down and did not even wobble as it landed as though I had set it down. The contents however went straight up and we had coffee dripping from the ceiling!

Many years ago my sister's boyfriend sat on my handbag which I'd stupidly left on the sofa. It had a tube of 'Angel Face' liquid foundation inside which was very popular at the time.

When I looked inside the bag the tube had burst and this foundation was everywhere and it couldn't be cleaned up, it was so bad. At least all the mess was contained inside the bag - it could have been so much worse.

When my dear late husband was alive but not well he made some soup in a liquidiser which slid along the worktop, emptying its contents all over the floor, cupboard/drawer fronts, his socks, slippers, legs, shorts. I grit my teeth and cleaned up. I thought this'll seem funny in time.

Dropped an iron on full heat onto a brand new living room carpet, less than a week old that had cost the best part of a grand - it left a perfect iron shaped scorch mark and missed the pattern (where it wouldn’t have shown) I had to buy a footstool to cover it. A good 20 years ago but the horror stays with me.

I melted a pair of sunglasses that I had left on the top of an eye level grill .
More recently, DH spilled one of those Lakeland dehumidifiers on our cream bedroom carpet, it had fragranced beads in the bag bit that turn brown with moisture and the bottom bag of 3 had split 😥 the stain won’t come out, thankfully it’s on my side of the bed that isn’t really visible.

We’ve now bought a window vac and it’s a game changer , so useful.