What’s your worst household mishap? Can you beat mine?

[Nitpickpicnic]

Oh Lord, give me your best ‘if you can’t laugh, you’d cry’ clumsiness stories.

I just plonked myself down on my new sofa, with my iPad and a glass of red wine in hand. Well-deserved 15 minute reward ‘me’ time during a very busy day.

iPad looked like it was slipping so I overcompensated with the other hand to steady it. The hand with the wine. Wine has tipped onto: the sofa, the carpet, me, the side table (with open bills on it), dripped onto the iPad and over the edge of it, down into the heating duct. It was probably only a small half full glass, and I swear not one drop has avoided causing problems. I don’t even have time to properly swab everything and spray the (various) fabrics.

Is this The Universe underlining to me that I should not drink wine, or can you reassure me it’s common to be this clumsy? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've had a diy disaster (and would welcome any suggestions for ways to resolve it!). Had just finished assembling a flat pack bookcase (and was feeling very pleased with myself - and gloating a bit to my DH about how easy it had been to assemble and that he'd see how amazing I was when he got home; he knows from experience that I'm a bit crap at this sort of thing, so was a bit condescending and didn't think I'd be able to do it properly p). Decided "safety first", so thought it would be a good idea to attach it to the wall - this is where it all went wrong!! Drilled the first hole, no problem - then did the second hole. Not entirely sure what went wrong, but the drill bit detached and sort of sucked the drill into the hole as it detached, leaving a perfect crater in the wall, with the drill bit in the centre. Quickly tried to reattach the drill bit back to the drill and reverse it, but it didn't work, as there was only about 2cm of it sticking out of the wall. Was in a state of rising panic, so jiggled the drill bit to try to loosen it - it would not come out! Knew DH was due home any second, so decided to fill the bookshelf and put a large ornament on top to hide the crater/drill bit. When he came home, he had to admit it looked great and apologised for being a bit mean earlier. I have not told him about what is hidden behind the ornament! I confided what I'd done to a friend, who suggested supergluing a nut to it and leaving it to set for a couple of days, then try to get it out with a spanner. Am considering doing this at the weekend when DH is away. Hopefully it will work and I'll be able to get it out, fill the crater and repaint before he gets back Sunday evening. If that doesn't work, I have decided that we will just not ever decorate the room! DH must never know - I can't face the teasing, and I know he will tell everyone! If anyone has any other suggestions, please let me know, as I have the distinct feeling that I may end up with a crater with a drill bit AND nut stuck in the wall!!!

When putting Warburton's Toastie Pockets in your brand new four slice toaster, it's really important to make sure they are the right way up. Especially if there's smoked cheese in them that somehow bypasses the crumb tray and welds the toaster, plate and knife to the worktop.

Managed to superglue myself to a calf in the bedroom and lost the skin off my palm and the inside of two fingers. It was a genuine error.

A calf in your bedroom? I think there is a story here!

Any kind of nasty spill makes you want to burn the house down and start again. I once dropped a large can of dark varnish down the stairs but got it all out - covered the whole lot immediately in lots of water to prevent it drying out and aquvacced it straight away. It did all come out but was very labour intensive.

A calf?? Like, the baby animal, or the back of your own leg? Not sure which is more/less plausible!!

Mine was that at a rather staid professional dinner party I was hosting for colleagues of DH, I picked up my red wine glass at the beginning of the meal to welcome everyone (cold sober) and somehow I managed to throw the whole contents over my right shoulder, all over the bright white wall, the picture and the white painted radiator behind me. I guess I was expecting it to be heavier than it was, and so when I picked it up I basically flung the whole lot skywards, it's a miracle I managed to hang onto the glass or it would have smashed to smithereens.

Luckily it was my own home and I was the hostess so I laughed it off as an ancient custom of my people and it turned into a very jolly evening. I'm sure they all thought I was completely off my face though and the dining room smelled badly of stale wine for days, I had to clean the inside of the radiator with an e-cloth on a stick before the smell went.

@IAmNotLikeThem please tell us it was your lower leg involved ...... and not a small cow 😂😂😂

The boiler was broken once so I called an engineer out to it and proceeded to clear out the shit cupboard before he arrived. A few days before I'd been putting oil on the decking and put the mahoosive tin of oil in the boiler room.

As I went to step over the oil, I kicked the top, the lid popped off and the oil spilled all over the tiny boiler cupboard. I was almost swimming in it, literally. It was probably up to my ankles. It almost brings me to tears just thinking of that day

I had a house full of friends for a Xmas meal, I was in the kitchen cooking, they and all my family were in the living room having pre-dinner drinks. I’m cooking away, when I hear a loud crash and lots of screaming. I run through, and a large shelving unit that was attached to the wall had fallen down, knocking over the flat screen tv and showering the room in books. The eldest Ds had caught the tv and stopped it hitting toddler Ds3. Spent some time dealing with the chaos, and very upset toddler, then went back into the kitchen to discover that in my panic, I had run out of the kitchen leaving the tap running, and the kitchen was now flooded. It was a flat, so we had to run downstairs, to find the neighbour’s child’s room now has water running down the walls. So we all go in there to help with the clean up. By which time, the fancy meal I had spent hours on was partially burnt. We ended up eating part of a meal, on our laps, because the table was meant to be set up in the room with the shelves, and we hadn’t had time to clean up that mess. I had decidedly lost the Xmas spirit by that point!

I spilled red wine on my newborn when toasting her safe arrival. Not my finest moment.

Similar scenario to OP.

Laptop on knee on sofa, cup of very hot espresso coffee in one hand, Lindt chocolate bunny in the other.... I was dipping the ears of the bunny into the coffee when the cat jumped up to sit on my knee.

I remember thinking ‘oh no, I’m going to drop the bunny into the coffee!’, so held on to it really tightly and just listened to the pffft as the coffee hit the laptop and they both hit the floor. After a day of drying the laptop successfully turned back on, but only 4 letters on the keyboard worked, and they weren’t in the log in password. Work laptop, so after the weekend they bought me a usb remote keyboard. Quite a few years ago now, eventually the keyboard recovered to 6 keys working!

As a kid I brought my dad's dinner into the dining room but tripped over my own feet.

Entire plate of spag bol on the floor

*We've had all the usual sudocrem all over the telly/bathwater pouring through the ceiling ones but my best was supergluing both feet to the floor.

I lived alone too and was convinced I'd die grin the only thing I could reach was a butter knife and I had to whittle my way through my (luckily quite hard) skin to get free.*

Literally guffawed at this. Sorry to laugh but that's quite an image

I used to live in a first floor flat. Got home from shopping, left baby in pram at bottom of stairs and carried up bags. A bottle of Ribena fell and hurtled down the stairs, split and splashed purple syrup all up the walls, over every stair and all over pram and baby.
He was only a few weeks old, dressed all in white, wrapped in the family heirloom shawl. Traumatised cat had come in with me and helped spread the mess further.

Oh gosh, loads! Put the butter in the cupboard, had no recollection of this whatsoever until I opened the cupboard some time later and was very confused as to why it was I there. I was the only person in the house, so it must have been me!

I've had the sudocreme incident too. My own fault, I looked away for less than a minute, next thing my DC had managed to grab it, smothered the entire table, walls and himself in it 😩 I thought I had put it away, obviously hadn't.

Decided I needed to paint the bathroom door, only ended up getting the paint on the heated towel radiator, which is shiny silver. It's still there, but I can't be arsed to do anything about it. The door looks better, that's all I cared about at the time!

It was on a village stag night. Before the groom came home the night before the wedding (ie the night of the stag) we emptied his bungalow bedroom of its furniture and chucked it in the garage before bedding it down with straw and slipping a couple of calves inside (baby cows not leg muscles). It was a joke, weird I guess, but the calves where OK and it was how you did stag nights then. These days its about going to Amsterdam or Thailand and fucking prostitutes, but in our day we were eternally grateful for the wedding night and later a couple of kids.

The problem was stag night was a hot summer evening so we had to leave the top window open for air to circulate. This created a draught which pushed the light veneer door open an inch or two in the breeze - enough for a calf to get its tongue round the side and open it. We did not want them in the rest of the house. I concluded the thing to do was to place a line of superglue dots down the inside of the door frame. Enough to hold against the breeze but not enough to withstand the stag opening the door as he tried to find his bed.

I had problems opening the tube and cut the top off with pliers, which I ended up placing in my left hand with a chunk of sticky glue. As I spread the glue dots with my right hand a curious calf was trying to lick the inside of my leg and so I pushed it off with my left hand.....

DH had a stoma bag a few years ago. Special bin in bathroom for used bags to contain odours and all bags double bagged in special nappy sack type bags.

Anyway. One day dh and dd at school. Just me and the 12 month old whippet pup at home. Am cleaning upstairs and smell shit. Check downstairs, no poo. Check bedrooms and bathroom no poo. Empty stoma bin of the empty bag, carry on cleaning laughing to myself at pup having a mad half hour with one of her toys downstairs in (recently redecorated and new furnitured) living room.

Come down again as can still smell shit. Go in living room and shit is absolutely everywhere. Up the cream walls, on the cream carpet, cream curtains, white ceiling, all over new (thankfully) leather sofas. On the TV and cabinet.

And in the middle of it with a shit smeared face happily licking out a now empty stoma bag, my adorable whippet pup looking really fucking pleased with herself. She haf nicked it out of the bin, decided to kill it and must have shook it repeatedly, then done mad wheelies around the room paddling it in every where.

Took me hours, multiple bottlea of zoflora and loads of kitchen roll to clean it off. And even though we repainted there were still faint skid marks through the paint.

The house stunk of lavender zoflora and stoma shit for weeks.

Dh and i had just moved into our first house together after getting married and had decided to use the money given by some dear relatives as a wedding gift to treat ourselves to a superking sized divan bed. We had set up the base and had the plastic wrapped mattresses on their side ready to open. I went downstairs too get sone scissors but couldn't find any so DH went hunting and came back with a Stanley knife. Can you see where this is going? I wish i had.
He merrily slid the blade up and ran it down the plastic wrapping, in the process eviscerating the entire length of the brand new mattress...

We called the company we'd bought it from sand they offered to replace it at no cost. I explained, twice, that it was my dipshit husband's fault but they still replaced it at no extra cost. This was 9 or 10 years ago now but if Beds 2 U are still on operation i can't fault their customer service! (Just their idiot customers)

I've done something similar @almondsareforevermore also live in a flat. My DC is toddler age though and sometimes wants to be carried up the stair 🙄 cue me trying to juggle him, plus shopping, dropped a can of juice which burst and started spraying everywhere. Me trying to find the hole where it burst, trying to drink it before it went anywhere else. Neighbour opens the door when all this is happening, me looking like a loony trying to down a can of juice whilst my DC is screaming his head off. It's ok! I have everything under control I didn't

@BigStripeyBastard
I just nearly woke up my baby son, who was asleep on me, laughing silently very hard at this story!!! I read it to my mum later and we both laughed til we cried and could totally see our cats doing this.....

This reminds me of my mum around 20 years ago when she put sth in the wine rack (not wine) which led to a £5 bottle of wine and a new £200 camera falling out of their slots. Which one dyu think she caught?

Don't have a pen pot placed slightly behind/next to a toaster. Someone (definitely not me..) accidentally dropped a pen into the toaster and lazily decided not to retrieve it then and there, then forgot all about it. The next day toast was made and a melted pen was discovered! Luckily it was a 4 slice one so we just stopped using that side, until the monumental fuck up of leaving a pizza box on top of said toaster and someone (really this time is wasn't me!) accidentally turned it on. Smelt smoke and ran in to find the toaster up in flames, DH knew exactly what to do whilst I just stood there thinking my leftover pizza was ruined and what could I snack on later! Got a really nice new toaster out it though.

Decided one morning to paint DS's bedroom, so went out got a nice light colour and proceeded to start painting, after covering the floor with dust sheets. Got bored halfway through the second wall (about an hour or so later) and decided to take a break. Then decided I couldn't be arsed finishing it so DS was left with a half (very badly) painted room for a week until DH went out and bought a different colour and did the whole room in just over an hour. And discovered all the paint spots I'd managed to make on the floor despite my efforts to cover it. (And then told everyone we know about my latest 'project fail') Well at least I can build furniture quicker and better than he can!

frouby 😱

Should have said, we ended up having to recarpet the whole of upstairs because I'd also managed to trample the paint into every room and it wouldn't come out, DH was t happy about that even though he was crying laughing at me failed paint job. Now we don't want paint our bedroom for fear of ruining the new (light coloured) carpet even though it really needs a new lick of paint (I'm also never allowed to touch a paintbrush again 'this is why we get people in' DH likes to say whenever I start a new project)

@IAmNotLikeThem - that story is epic - you are a legend!