What’s your worst household mishap? Can you beat mine?

[Nitpickpicnic]

Oh Lord, give me your best ‘if you can’t laugh, you’d cry’ clumsiness stories.

I just plonked myself down on my new sofa, with my iPad and a glass of red wine in hand. Well-deserved 15 minute reward ‘me’ time during a very busy day.

iPad looked like it was slipping so I overcompensated with the other hand to steady it. The hand with the wine. Wine has tipped onto: the sofa, the carpet, me, the side table (with open bills on it), dripped onto the iPad and over the edge of it, down into the heating duct. It was probably only a small half full glass, and I swear not one drop has avoided causing problems. I don’t even have time to properly swab everything and spray the (various) fabrics.

Is this The Universe underlining to me that I should not drink wine, or can you reassure me it’s common to be this clumsy? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Putting my brand new carrier complete with brand new skirt suit on top of the electric hob which I, I'm didn't know had been on minutes previously ... Attractive saucepan sized hole burnt through carrier and suit.

Decided to descale the kettle. With malt vinegar. Inexplicably boiled the kettle. A fountain of foaming, yeasty liquid came shooting out of the spout all over everywhere. Smelled like a brewery for the next year or so.

Lovely cream bedroom carpet. One of those white polar deep ones. New bf, now DH, dropped full cup of hot chocolate all over it. The stain never came out 😣

@Zorgothslugofdoom water engineer OH says be careful because if it truly was 'sucked' in, you may have hit a water pipe and had the pressure pull the bit in.

One from my MIL - she was cooking one of those syrup sponges in a tin, and let it boil dry - it exploded, blew the lid right up to the ceiling, sprayed syrup everywhere, and scared the dog so much he ran through a glass door to escape into the garden - he was unhurt, but the cleaning up was epic, and the saucepan and its lid were never the same again!

Eyelash dye cream carpet say no more...…
Heating jar of pasta sauce in unfamiliar microwave in holiday let
Jar exploded.....even the ceiling coated.
First house with DH cream carpet (sensing a theme here) been in house approx. a week- tea pot on floor as we hadn't bought a coffee table yet-middle of floor still to this day don't know how I did it walked straight into it and kicked it over.....

Nail polish bottle tipped over very pricey new bedding

I could go on...…..seriously clumsy

My beautiful flat (rented) had a combined kitchen/living room, both in various shades of cream. Cream floor tiles in the kitchen, cream carpet in the living room, magnolia wall in both - completely impractical but looked lovely. A large jar of passata once fell out of one of the top cupboards in the kitchen - smashing with force on the floor tiles and spraying the entire kitchen and 2/3 of the living room

Second one was my car - bought a pint of milk and put it (in a bag) in the footwell behind the drivers side. Got home and completely forgot about it as DP had also bought milk. It was a hot summer and a week later I thought it smelt bad as I drove home, it wasn't until I was half way home I realised!! Thanks to the bag only a couple of drips went on the carpet but for two years all I could smell was rancid milk in the car.....

Also not household but at work about 15 years ago....was shaking a new pot of tippex, managed to let it go and hit hit the floor and broke, splashing tippex all over me. Brand new suit ruined, tippex dripping off my eyelashes (thankfully did not go in my eyes) and streaked through my hair. There were only 5 of us in the office but there was silence followed by shrieks of laughter (the tears of laughter helped clear the tippex 😂)

I dropped some fruit onto the floor yesterday afternoon. My newly cleaned kitchen floor was now dirty with strawberries and raspberries too. Cue hard scrubbing of the floor for thirty minutes straight non stop.

Laughing quite a lot about the paint/ poo/ sick one.

My daughter was at work and we'd plated her up a dinner for later. She came home, whacked it in the microwave, took it out and just dropped it. It turned completely over, splattered the cupboard and then fell on the floor. Unfortunately my gardening trainers were in the way, so chicken, stuffing, potatoes, cauliflower cheese and gravy went splat in my shoes. She was horrified, she was so hungry and looking forward to her dinner, so she scraped everything up that she could and ate it!
Proud parent moment, #my kids eat anything!#

wow I have so many similar to these.

I had a coke bottle on the kitchen side, the top slightly unscrewed. It got knocked off the side onto the floor and shot like a rocket through the kitchen and through the dining room spraying coke bloody everywhere.
All over the floors walls and every cabinet.

Up a ladder painting the tops of the walls and I carefully descended only to step into the 10 litre tub of paint right up to my ankle, I had crocks on and now one is magnolia.

At night I hear voice of my DS on the top bunk saying I need to blow my nose. So I go in , in the dark with a tissue and tell him to blow really hard, only he keeps blowing on and on I get more tissues and have to switch on the light to see hes had a nose bleed, its like a massacre, Blood everywhere, pillows, walls, pjs, duvet, top bunk, water bottle, and it had even dripped onto the bottom bunk and the bedding of sleeping bro. It took days to get all the blood from the wooden bunk frame.

Ddog locked me in the toilet for ages.

I went to the loo, and he follows me everywhere but I draw the line at letting him watch me on the toilet.

So I closed the door, did my business, went to open the door which then opened about 3" and wedged firmly against something. While he was waiting for me he's been clawing at the carpet, and there was no metal room divider thing on the floor where the door is, so the carpet rucked up and the door wouldn't budge.

I was in the house on my own with no mobile phone as I'd left it downstairs. I ended up opening the bathroom window and eventually my neighbour;s car pulled up in the drive so I shouted her and she came round and rescued me, this was after killing herself laughing but before splashing it all over facebook.

It was thankfully only about 10 minutes in total but it was 10 minutes without internet so felt like 3 hours,

Tidying up after dinner. Carrying a large kitchen knife on top of a chopping board. The knife falls of the board and stabs my foot.

You are my people!

Some are more spectacular than others but it's the virtually constant calamities I get myself into.

Today I've realised DDs chocolate advent calendars have been sat on the hot air vent of the microwave for 2 weeks. So that's them melted beyond recognition!

Classic is leaning forward to put the laptop on the coffee table and knocking over my drink hidden behind the still open screen. I can't tell you how many times I've done that. Except now I move the laptop to one side to check behind before I put it down. Not good when DH is sitting next to me with a drink in his hand resting on his leg. Clunk. Wet crotch. Sigh.

Jack Russel worked out how to open kitchen cupboard.........

2 litre plastic abottle of cooking oil chewed and contents spilled all over said jack Russell and hence the whole house

I think I have PTSD after that incident and the very prolonged cleanup

There was also the time I was living in a shared house. Went to sit down on the pale beige velour sofa (belonging to landlord) with my bowl of tomato soup, and for some reason my arm did a twitch...

BF knocked over his beer. It went everywhere. I picked up a glass chopping board as i cleaned it up. Slipped in the beer, dropped glass chopping board which shattered on the floor. I then landed on the shattered glass. Next stop, A&E and life long scars.
Reader, I married him.

ugh just been reminded of some milk calamities.

Just this week I bought a 4 pinter, put in in my backpack, and put it in the back of the car, it got shoved under the seat in front, I pulled it out brought it indoors, opened it to find my whole backpack swimming with milk. I tipped it out all over the kitchen floor, but blimey it stinks.

This then reminded me that as a child again in the back of the car, my mum hands me a bottle of milk, only you know its one of the glass bottles with a foil top, shes in the driver seat and holds it up and passes it backwards over her head to me, top comes off and she empties the whole lot over me and in the back of the car. which stinks for bloody months. And of course it all my fault, like i could stop and upside down bottle of milk with no top on....

It involves a jolly jumpy baby, a door swing, lovely new carpet, and a massive runny poo.

Dad once set up a micro brewery in a corner of our breakfast room. The whole thing went tits up and the Eternal Beau effect wallpaper had to be replaced 🧐

When my daughter was about two, I made a batch of bolognese to put in the freezer, and, as was my wont, put some of it into freezer bags. But as I was carrying it, one of them developed a leak and splashed me with hot sauce, so I dropped it on the floor and it exploded everywhere.

A day or so later, DD wakes up in her cot, cheerfully chirping 'Fuck! Fuck! Go fuckin' everywhere!', obviously in remembrance of mummy's bolognese incident.

At my mil’s house. I had a newborn dd and needed to change a nappy. They had a brand new cream carpet. I tried to go into the tiled kitchen to change but they insisted I did it on the mat in the lounge. I lifted dd’s legs to slide the new nappy under and her bum fired with force, like a machine gun. It missed me but splattered in a graceful arc all over the carpet. The range was impressive for such a small baby. I was beyond mortified... Mil was v understanding but the stain never came out and I saw it every time we visited and was mortified all over again. They never stopped me changing her nappy on tiled floors again though.

Grill set on fire , flames melted all knobs on cooker After realising how lucky we were that I'd been able to put it out and after scrubing smokey interior of kitchen, I ordered us an Indian takeaway. DD 20, plated up, tossed naan bag aside- whoosh another little fire where it had dropped onto a scented candle that I'd lit to mask remaining burnt
plastic smell.Blanket ban on candles in this household.

Had to add this, my sister whos favourite line is can't be arsed, couldn't be arsed to fix her garage door. Dashing to get a sander, the garage door closed on her, locking her in for 40 minutes. She had to call for help. Neighbour that she couldn't be arsed to talk to heard her, - good job she could be arsed rescuing her 🤣

Used to have in my kitchen a double wall cabinet which contained all my fancy china and glassware (which was hardly ever used). One day I decided to empty it and wash everything as it was a bit dusty. Spent hours doing this, washed dried and polished all the glasses, wiped out cupboard and replaced everything. Stood back looking proud ... and the whole cabinet fell off the wall, landing upside down. Now I don't keep things for 'best'!