What’s your worst household mishap? Can you beat mine?

[Nitpickpicnic]

Oh Lord, give me your best ‘if you can’t laugh, you’d cry’ clumsiness stories.

I just plonked myself down on my new sofa, with my iPad and a glass of red wine in hand. Well-deserved 15 minute reward ‘me’ time during a very busy day.

iPad looked like it was slipping so I overcompensated with the other hand to steady it. The hand with the wine. Wine has tipped onto: the sofa, the carpet, me, the side table (with open bills on it), dripped onto the iPad and over the edge of it, down into the heating duct. It was probably only a small half full glass, and I swear not one drop has avoided causing problems. I don’t even have time to properly swab everything and spray the (various) fabrics.

Is this The Universe underlining to me that I should not drink wine, or can you reassure me it’s common to be this clumsy? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Filled tumble dryer, phone rang which I answered.
Went back, closed dryer door, turned it on and made strange noise
"BANG BANG MEOOOOW"
Yup, the cat had jumped inside

My husband spilled a full bottle of wine on our off cream coloured carpet. That did not come out

Oh and when DD was 10 or 11, she’d eaten copious amounts of stawberries and vomited all over her bedroom, down the landing, up the bathroom door and blocked the sink with chunks of strawberry.
DH once had campilobacter, from the bed - he projectile vomited up the (louvered) wardrobe doors and had explosive diahorrea, thankfully contained by his boxers and dressing gown which were then hosed off in the garden and binned.
Such fun 😱

This clip came to mind when pp mention throwing the wrong thing! So easy to do, so stupid you feel if you do it!

Not. a household mishap but disaterous all the same. I was having drinks with friends in a very grand hotel before going on to our work Christmas party.The waitress arrived at our table with our drinks along with orders for another table on the same tray.She lifted up a couple of drinks which caused the tray to tip over.Consequently I ended up with a pint of Guinness being poured down the front of my dress.Not a great start to a night out.I was reeking of Guinness all night.

Not household, but a very embarassing mistake. On a beach in Croatia, first time I had had a toddler with me on a beach. Lots of Germans, Austrians and Italians sunning themselves (no English people there), small beach and people quite close together. I decided it would be lovely and freeing for DS to be naked (there were plenty of other naked children running about). He then had a terrible explosive poo, WHILE running, which went all over, for a wide radius (pebble beach not sand)...my DH was at the beach bar at the other end of the beach with friends, not within calling distance, and all I had with me was a two muslin cloths. I couldn't leave the baby there, and couldn't leave with him to fetch help as this would look like I was running away, so after washing the baby in the sea I washed practically the whole beach with the muslin cloths and sea water. While trying to say sorry sorry sorry in German and Italian. I got a lot of hard stares...

When I was about 10, I decided to wash some toy clothes upstairs in the bathroom. I got the washing powder from under the kitchen sink, and, because I was carrying other stuff, I slung the box of powder under my arm and proceeded to walk back upstairs. It wasn't until I reached the bathroom when I realised I had carried the box of washing powder upside down, and there was a trail of it all through the house.......😳 Mum was not impressed!

Not quite on the same scale as many of these, but here goes anyway. I had a friend coming round and did a panic tidy, which involved hiding some unwashed pots (including Tupperware boxes) into the oven so that she wouldn't see what a slob I am. Once friend had gone I decided to get some dinner and put the oven on to pre-heat whilst I rummaged in the freezer. Luckily I found some food straight away and opened the oven door to put the food in and realised my mistake before too much damage was done!

I once burnt my nipple really badly while ironing topless. That was a very, very painful week at work. I'm not built for going braless.

My mum was cleaning the oven, which had a door that opened downwards rather than to the side, and after putting the foamy stuff inside she left it open, turned the light off and went into the living room. Later on, after having forgotten about the oven, she went back into the kitchen without switching the light on and trod on the oven door, breaking it into a million pieces. They had to claim off the insurance and get a new one.

I remember the time when my step-dad was defrosting the freezer with a hammer and chisel. I was in the living room and just heard a, "Chink, chink, phssssssss, oh bollocks!" where he'd cracked a pipe and all the freezer gas escaped. They had to claim off the insurance and get a new one!

My DH hid my laptop under a sofa seat cushion as we were having a house viewing. Someone sat on it. Surprise surprise. £650 repair bill. 😐

Not me but my lovely mum.
Easter Sunday she decides that the old has fire in our bedroom needs to be taken out. Grandad told her it had been cut off before he passed away over a number of years before. So she get to it with us girls only to realise she can smell gas.

Why oh why on Easter Sunday mother?

I also remember her coming in from the kitchen being all theatrical as I was helping my older sister by reading the other line from Romeo and Juliet. Mum comes in and says “oh Romeo Romeo...... and promptly trips over the rug. My poor old mum. It was hilarious though and she wasn’t harmed (well other than her pride!)

I swear she got it from her mother who when my mum was little literally kicked her out the front door- my mum was sitting on the doorstep and my nan walked down the polished wood floor hallway and slipped- literally sliding into my mum and kicking her out the front door.

In a holiday cottage one of our friends sat down on the pub garden style bench in the garden where dinner and wine was all ready and waiting. Only it overloaded one side (the others hadn't sat down yet) and the whole table tipped up. Dp and I ended up on our backs covered in broken crockery, food and red wine. Somehow I had saved a glass serving dish (but not the contents) and it was balanced on my chest amongst all the carnage.
The owner, living a couple of hundred metres away had heard the almighty crash and came to investigate. When we got back from our day out the next day, the table had been replaced by a brand new sturdy one, as had the tables in the neighbouring holiday cottages. I think they were frightened of us suing them. Once we'd ascertained that none of us were hurt we had actually found it quite funny.

Moving house, the removal men knocked a ladder leaning against the lounge wall, which hit the coffee table which broke the bowl on it, which then sprayed 3 week old dd sitting in her car seat on the other side of the room, with shards of broken glass. Fortunately she wasn't cut.

1 week later in our new house, mil whilst babysitting said dd, spilt a glass of wine on our 1 week old cream carpet. They spent the rest of the evening furiously trying to get the red wine out.

The same carpet, several years later didn't fare as well when dp decided that the empty printer cartridge felt like there was lots of ink left in it. Shaking it to check, he failed to cover the hole. Red ink sprayed over walls, bookcase and carpet does not come out. Even after the carpet was replaced and the walls repainted, the books still had a trail of ink over them.

Red ketchup falling out of a fridge, does a massacre scene, make.

The is a theme in the above stories, red wine, red ink and red sauce...

Tried to put away a well known branded cast iron casserole dish one handed after washing it. Knocked off the shelf and broke my big toe!

Decided to bleed radiator. Found the key loosened the valve and the air hissed out. Towards the end as the pressure rose the valve flew out followed by a jet of boiling water (yup had ignored that bit about turning heating off). I plugged the hole with my thumb and thought WTF do I do. I couldn't see the valve anywhere and couldn't move as room including new curtains and sofa would have been soaked by fountain of murky radiator water. Phone in next room. Thumb was getting hotter and hotter when thank god I suddenly saw the little metal valve across the carpet. I did have to let get for a couple of secs whilst I leapt across room, but could have been so much worse.

Great thread. I've done most of the spoils, including a glass jar of pickled beetroot when my dd was building towers.

By far the worst though, was a can of petrol spilling in my boot..a whole thing. I thought the car might explode or something and it stunk for weeks. Had to drive with window open through mid winter.

I was two weeks post partum (recovering from a traumatic birth and suffering serious baby blues!) when I decided what I needed was a nice bowl of porridge and honey as the baby had finally gone to sleep.

I picked the bowl up to carry through to living Rommel without anticipating how hot it would be, dropped the bowl onto limestone kitchen floor. Bowl smashed, hot porridge flew absolutely everywhere, over the walls, floor and furniture. I literally sat on the floor and sobbed for half an hour.
Thinking back now it tickles me

Dropping a bag of dried pasta into a still hot toaster causes a nasty fire, the whole house filled with smoke and we had to go to a hotel.

When dh was a toddler, he and his parents lived in a Victorian house that had a beautiful,old linoleum floor in the bathroom - it was black mirror finish.

Until, that is, the day when dh decided he wanted to cover himself in talcum powder from the big tub on the side of the bath. Only it wasn’t talc - it was Vim scouring powder! When MIL had finished sweeping it up from all over the bathroom floor, the mirror finish was no more.

Just remembered another. DHs 30th birthday. Party at the house with curry and beer and I wanted to have real plates rather than soggy paper. Borrowed every plate and glasss I could (even nice blue glass ones from Heals). Set them up on the kitchen table. The extending kitchen table that clipped together underneath to allow an extension leaf to be put in. Only I hadn't clipped it together.....so when I leaned on it 5 minutes before the guests arrived, I watched in horror as every plate and glass I owned , and many I didn't, crashed to the floor. All smashed.

Cleared up. Used paper plates. Claimed on the contents insurance. That was a fun call. 😬 They paid up though.

Was a good party.

I was cooking Chinese food and put the soy sauce down infront of the microwave. I completely forgot it was there, and pushed the button to open the microwave door. It flew open, sending the open soy sauce bottle flying. It went everywhere. All up the walls, which stained, then fell down onto the floor, bounced and splashed all up the cupboards, covered the floor and me. I didn't know where to start with that one.

Another time the cat jumped on dh unexpectedly while he was sitting on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal. He jumped and dropped the full bowl onto the fabric sofa and himself. That was a real nightmare to clean.

Coming out of a Tesco car parking space a bottle of coke rolls off the back seat of the car and starts spraying all over the interior of the car through three or 4 minute holes. I stop the car and leap out, open the back door and throw the bottle onto the floor where the pressure means it's rolling backwards and forwards covering me, the car and the surrounding cars. Coke ends up over the whole of the outside of one side of the car and the roof of the car. Inside the car, its sprayed the front windscreen, the back windscreen and the interior roof of the car, not to mention all of the seats and an even bigger puddle in the rear footwell.

I drove straight to a car valeters..

My mother made lentil soup in a pressure cooker every week when we were kids. Never a mishap until the day me and her were out in the field in front of our house thinning carrots and my brother came out yelling that there was "soup on the roof". She'd forgotten to turn the heat down and the lid blew sending hot soup up like a geyser. My brother was traumatised. I can't recall the clean up but there was a massive lentil soup mark on the ceiling for years before it was redecorated.

I'd just come out of hospital after an operation. I had had some flowers delivered in a tall rectangular box. Young Ds was playing with it and stood up in it. It came up to his shoulders but due to being long and thin he inevitably tipped over and having no hands free to save himself, he hit and cut his head on the hearth. Cue me sitting in A&E within an hour of being discharged from hospital, on a hard plastic chair with very uncomfortable stitches in my abdomen. A couple of hours later we both made it home bruised and battered.

Emptying the dyson into the kitchen bin, dropped the cylinder and sliced right through the end of my toe. Claret everywhere.