My husband strangled me

[BaconHead]

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything.

Yes you bloody should!!! Go to the GP, tell them exactly what he did, and save all the children from this monster!

((hugs)) I am sorry he did this to you. He was in control yesterday, but today it is time to take the control back and look after yourself and all of the children.

He will kill you. Get out now.

Where will he stop if you don't take action? Go to the doctor, you have nothing to hide

You do no one any favours by sweeping this under the carpet. You and the kids need protection; he needs his behaviour intervening before it worsens. Go to your GP right now.

Doing a bad thing doesn't make a monster; but allowing it to continue will only perpetuate the issue. If you love him, take the necessary steps so him and you can get help.

Imagine how all the kids will feel if they knew he had strangled you.
Imagine how all the kids will feel when he kills you.

Get out now. Go to A&E.

You know that he could easily have killed you last night? It's only good luck that your children still have a mother today.

Do you want to leave your DCs motherless and with a father in prison for murder? This is harsh, but if you're determined not to leave him, at least make sure you have arrangements for their care in place

There is a real risk that he will kill you next time. Maybe in a couple more years. Maybe next week. If you do nothing he knows he can do it again. You need to leave as soon as possible.

You need to get help.

Go to a and e. Go to your gp. Call the police.

Do you want your children to grow up with this man as their role model?

www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

Helpline and advice here.

Why protect him? Why put your kids and his kids at risk?
Get to the police right now.

If one of your children told you their spouse strangled them, would you tell them to stay with them and forget about it?

Why the fuck would you keep quiet to protect this monster? HE COULD HAVE KILLED YOU.

Prior non-fatal strangulation was associated with greater than six-fold odds (OR 6.70, 95% CI 3.91–11.49) of becoming an attempted homicide, and over seven-fold odds (OR 7.48, 95% CI 4.53–12.35) of becoming a completed homicide. These results show non-fatal strangulation as an important risk factor for homicide of women, underscoring the need to screen for non-fatal strangulation when assessing abused women in emergency department settings.

This is from an American study but essentially, your risk of being killed by him has gone up by 7 times.

As above. Call the gp, call the police. Good luck

Hi there OP,

So sorry to hear you're going through this .

Let us know if you'd like us to move this thread to Relationships, or another topic.

He could have killed you, he still could, if you stay with him.
You need to get medical attention, today.
Please protect yourself and your children, please leave.
Women's Aid details
www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/

I was told by a friend that works with women of dv that strangling is the most common way that women in this situation are murdered, it takes very very little time for you to die from strangulation. Don't want to sound harsh but ring the police.

Social services won't get involved. People split up all the time without social services being involved. Has he threatened you with SS? It's quite odd to assume they would be involved with a separation.

Sorry meant to add, if you don't leave he will kill you.

Please get some help.

OP. Someone who loves you does NOT strangle you. He did it so much he hurt your neck- he could have killed you, and might next time.

Your children and step children are better off having an alive mother/step mother and a bit of practical upheaval, than a dead mother.

This is serious. Please phone women’s aid, report him to the police and get the hell out of there today.

You've been very clear in your OP that you won't leave him, so unfortunately there's not much left to say. Sorry you're going through this. Statistically, he will attack you again. And as a previous poster stated, the likelihood of it becoming attempted murder increases after attempted strangulation. Which sort of is attempted murder if you think about it.
How can we help?

Choking and strangulation are serious red flags for domestic violence.

2 women a week in the UK are killed by their partner or ex.

Please go to a&e. Protect yourself and your children.

What needs to be in place in practical terms that might enable you to leave him?

OP, strangling is right up there with seriously need to get out now. He can easily kill you doing that, even if he didn't mean it.

It's time to go, there's no coming back from that. Please go and get your neck checked out.