My husband strangled me

[BaconHead]

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

So glad you finally ready to leave.

Please start your own thread in the relationship board, you will get so much support and you deserve your own thread

I'm so relieved to hear you are going to leave.

Please make sure you report this to SS - of all the acts of domestic violence, strangling is the most dangerous and someone needs to support the step dc.

It's hard if you still feel you love him - but imagine what would happen to your dc if he killed you.

If he burns down the house you can tell the insurers. Tell everyone he is in debt to that you cannot pay.

He sounds vile. There are as you know much worse things than being on your own. I wish you a peaceful life.

Thank you for your support.

Please leave OP.
Go to your gp, get your injury recorded
Speak to womens aid or NCDV
Record incident with Police

Thank you everybody for your help and support and advice. I have left and I’m safe. It will be difficult when Ive spent a lifetime loving this monster and he is the father of my grown up child.I will never go back. I read all the posts you all wrote to the op and I’m taking some of that advice too. Thank you all once again ❤️

Thank you the crisp lover I have left.

I wouldn’t know how to start a new thread but thank you. I have left and I’m safe and I’m never going back.

Good luck @Daretohope. Please be careful and phone the police. Financial abuse is a crime as well as physical abuse so do include that when talking to the police.

Thank you parentingdilemmas I am ok. Thank you all for caring.

Thank you JulesCobb I will take that advice and go tomorrow.

@Daretohope, I had him arrested when I was 57. Our (adult) children don’t speak to him and he probably thinks there’s nothing worse than being alone, but do you know what, I bloody love it! Yes it was hard in the early days but now I never have to worry about what I’m coming home to, watch what I say, stand quietly by when he chucks another dinner in the bin. I’m safe and happy and it is brilliant. Good luck for the future, and we’ll done! 💐

I'm sorry this happened OP. I have a family member who went through something similar. She got out and her life is immeasurably better. Her kids are happier, she is thriving.

There were tough times but nothing is worse than living in fear for your life and those of your children. You can do this and you are making the right choice by getting out and protecting your kids.

@Daretohope

I wouldn’t know how to start a new thread but thank you. I have left and I’m safe and I’m never going back.

Hi @Daretohope

If you go to the board you want, so click on relationships just under the heading there is a link that says start your own thread.

If you do post a link on this one so we can support you over the next few days. 💐

@Daretohope so pleased you have left. Keep going, get some advice today. Life will be much better soon (know from experience).

@daretohope how was today?

@Funnylittlefloozie thanks - hopefully that was just a threat and he won’t actually do it I hope. Thanks for saying it was bad advice from my Mum. It was but it was her perspective and she wished she hadn’t split up with my dad and been on her own for all those years but for me it was the worst advice ever. X

@Polkadots2021 thank you- the encouraging words all help me x

@NotWanting thank you I did start a new thread and everyone has been so supportive x

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor thanks for that advice but although I loved the house it was really my prison and it was so far away from people- no public transport- miles into the countryside - no neighbours

My ex partner did the same to meI stayed and a couple of weeks later he took me to a empty construction site in the middle of nowhere to ask if we could save our relationship I was very depressed and didn’t think much of it as my face was covered in bruises and scabs from the assault but in hindsight it could have ended very badly for me if I answered wrong. A harsh but valued and honest friend told me to have some self respect for myself and eventually I left and went to the police it wasn’t easy at first but now I am liberated and with a man who treats me like a queen . No kids involved here but trust me you need to leave there is so much support out there to help you . Take your kids and leave without warning. Staying will not get any better for you ! Sending love x

@BloatedAndTired that send a chill right through me! Omg an empty construction site! Thank goodness you are ok. I’m so happy for you and your story gives me hope for the future x

@janisposh

Social services won't get involved. People split up all the time without social services being involved. Has he threatened you with SS? It's quite odd to assume they would be involved with a separation.

Op has to report thus man before he kills her or the next victim Dv reports do get forwarded to ss as routine so they can carry out safeguarding checks But frankly this is necessary Staying won't help or or any of these kids

@Daretohope I still find it hard to think about today it’s almost like thinking about ‘ my past life’ so to speak as it was so horrific but also because today my life is fabulous just trust me on the get out with no warning and please please tell someone ! Tell a close friend at least I ended up telling that one friend of mine just incase something happened. There are many support places out there to help I know it’s hard but you can do it. There is hope and I believe in you, live the life you deserve xx

I know this is a very old thread but I hope those who have gone through so much are all safe, well and leading much happier lives now. I've often thought of the OP over the years since this post was made, I sincerely hope you're doing alright and are happy.