My husband strangled me

[BaconHead]

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

Wow OP those texts are actually so upsetting. I assumed maybe he felt bad afterwards and would be trying to grovel, but he’s actually so cold. Telling you to “bore off” when he’s strangled you..he honestly doesn’t sound like he cares about you at all.
The first time they show violence and you allow it, they do it again in the next argument, and again, and again. Trust me I know, it doesn’t get better. He is trying to control you by using the kids. You can go to the gp don’t listen to him!!! You’re worth so much more.

This is awful to read - you are recovering from surgery and instead of looking after you and making sure you are ok (which, by the way, most of us would do for a friend, let alone someone we are supposed to love more than anyone else) he has assaulted you, exacerbated your surgical injuries and tried to kill you.

AND HE IS COMPLAINING TO YOU - THE PERSON HE JUST ATTACKED - THAT HIS CHEST IS BAD! HE DOESN'T ASK HOW YOU ARE! HE DOESN'T CARE! HE'S TRYING TO STOP YOU FROM EVEN TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT, LET ALONE ANYONE WHO COULD HELP YOU.

Sorry for shouting, but you really need to hear how monstrous he is! I cannot fathom anyone who treats anyone else like this - if I accidentally step on my husband's toe I ask how he is and apologise, let alone if I did something that really hurt him.

PLEASE protect all the children from him - violence like this only escalates. Men who can do things like this don't just do it once, they do it again and again and they don't limit it to their wives, they hurt their children (he's already hurt them by doing something like this to you, but I mean physically as well).

You deserve to be happy, and your children deserve to live with a loving parent. Please think about talking to someone about this - there is help for you and people who can keep you and your kids safe.

Next time he might kill you and leave your children without a mother. Next time he might attack one of your children.

Please, please go to your GP and the police.
Next time he could kill you. What if it is one of the children next time?

www.reducingtherisk.org.uk/cms/content/freedom-programme

Who will look after and protect your children if you wont, and can't because you are dead?

Oh my god. It's been ages since I have read such an awful thread.

OP, you can't overlook this or let it become your "normal". Assuming you survive this relationship, once the DC are bigger, he may do the same to one of them if they annoy him and he loses it. How awful would that be?

You know what he's like; protect them and yourself and LEAVE!

Go to the police and doctors. Your step daughters may end up with social services involvement but trust me that’s better than believing that men and relationships are like this

For them you go to the police

Not surprised he's turning it all onto you, it's the MO of abusive cunts. Please leave, whilst you're still able too

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know loads of single mums and let me tell you, they have gorgeous, calm, safe houses. So bloody what if they downsized a bit. The kids being safe and knowing you're no longer living in that terrifying shadow is priceless.

Find your strength. It's in there.

Honey, I know where you're at. I've been there. You're desperately seeking consolation about this awful thing that happened to you from the man who did it to you. It's a very fucked up place to be.
Have you sisters/a Mum? Preferrably a 6' 6 brother, but that's for another story.
You always went to him to console you in the past, but you can't now. You need to realise that he is cold and calculating and violent.
The one thing I will say is that given that he's not remorseful (mine was), you're actually in extreme immediate danger.

For that reason, do NOT tell him if you are going to a doctor or reporting it to police (police is who you should be calling).
You're thinking about everybody but yourself.
Everyone here will tell you - think of the children.

I'm going to tell you - think of YOU and you alone for now. You've been a victim of a violent crime CRIME. You're not in a position now to be worrying about the kids. You need to worry about yourself. Just you.

Will you please call 999? I'm saying 999 instead of 111 because I truly believe you are in immediate and imminent danger.

Please do it in private if you're allowed the space to do so. If not, say you're going for a walk (if he'll allow it), and ring police then.

I really can't stress to you how in danger you are. Please listen to me. Pretty please?

As much as you don't want to believe it OP he's doesn't love you. He's not a decent, loving man. The texts prove this even more so. He's only bothered about saving his own arse by you not seeking medical attention.

What kind of person does this to anyone let alone someone that has just had surgery.

Is there anyone - family or friends that you could go to just to think?

The next time I read about a woman being murdered by the man she loves I do not want to be wondering if it's you.

What will it take for you to leave him? That's if next time you get the chance.

Hi @BaconHead, even if you're not reporting today you still need to make sure you're seen too and have something on record at the GP, they won't make you report him or anything, they'll just be concerned about treating you if you need any medicine for pain etc.

I really would go and see someone today just to start making a paper trail (this will help in the future to convict him if you decide to report to the police).

I know it scary and I know you're main concern at the moment is keeping your children with you- nobody will take the children away from you if you report this, they'll only take this monster away from your life.

You need to think about what could potentially happen in the future now, he could do it again, for longer and seriously hurt or even kill you. It doesn't take much to strangle someone to death. You need to protect yourself and the kids, what happens if he flies off the rail with them?

Nobody is judging you, and nobody from social services will think you're a bad mother- as long as you report it quickly to ensure you and the children are safe.

Take the children to your parents house or a friends and stay there with them. Tell the friend to call the police and make a statement. Do not contact him, do not see him on your own anymore and do not let him coerce you later on with make up gifts or promises.

You CAN do this. Do it for the children at least.

We're all here too, good luck love. Xx

OP those texts are not the words of a sane man, he doesn't care about you or about what he did, my blood ran cold reading those please OP take the advice from here and get the hell away from him. How much worse will it be for your stepchildren if (when) he kills you?

The best thing you could do for your children is to remove yourselves from him. All the children.

If he kills you then your children will be totally alone.

You can do this.

The children's lives will be better, more relaxed, more secure without a bully for a father.

Your life will be better, more relaxed, more secure without this bully as a hisband.

Please please please ask for help. There is no shame here except his.

Are you still reading OP?

Please read what others have said.

It does happen, he could kill you

It’s very serious.

Please leave and take the children with you.

Don’t just think it won’t happen to you, he could have crushed your wind pipe.

You could be dead already.

You need to leave him and take the children to safety now

Somewhere inside you you need to summon that strength and get angry. By God you don't deserve that, he is a scum bag. Go to the doctor's and the police. You will not be sorry you did, in the long run anyway. Please do.

I echo every poster and Cheddar in particular as my experience was identical. As we got older we would try and fight him off. He punched me square in the face and broke my nose. I was 14. My mum begged me to lie and I did. It was because we weren't his kids. Although my baby sister witnessed what we did and he nicknamed her fatfuck thankfully she escaped his physical work. My mum escaped when my sister turned 16. I love her but she sided with her dad and barely speaks to mum. She tells me he's changed and is really mellow now. Great! I can't breathe through my right nostril, have nightmares about hearing him breathing behind me and shake whenever I see him but yay he has white hair and a dog now. I might track him down for a cuddle.

All he cares about is himself. Manipulating you into feeling bad and at fault when he alone is.

Please see a gp to protect you and your kids. You may think 'he wont hurt them' but once you thought he wouldnt hurt you. I know someone who thought much the same and luckily wasnt killed by her husband. She and her eldest were beaten up by him, badly.

Its good you know you need to leave him yes you will love him but you love who you want him to be, who he fakes being. And he doesn't love you in any way close to the same intensity.

Those texts made my blood run cold.

He isn't even sorry for what he has done. I am really concerned for your safety. A man who can strangle you is one who can kill you. Please consider going to your GP at the very least, preferably the police too. You and your children need to be kept safe, and you are anything but safe with that man in the house.

I would say he cant love you at all even.

Not one person has said to stay, that he won't do it again and that it will be fine OP.

That must tell you something?

Sadly, I think we will read your story in this weeks headlines. Not this one. The next fatal attack. Can you try to see how in danger you are? I'm hoping you're still alive frankly.

Please phone Women's Aid!
And please go to a GP.