My husband strangled me

[BaconHead]

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

Every single week I read about a man killing their partner. Only yesterday read about a man that stabbed his wife and step daughter aged 11 to death. He stabbed the young girl 24 times.

This could be you and your children OP.
They and you do not deserve this. Next time he strangles you what if he doesn't stop?

There's only one thing you have to do and that is leave him ASAP.

Go to the GP and have this recorded. Also you can report to the police but you do not have to press any charges. Please ring Women's aid, but please open up to someone in real life. Once you tell someone and have support it'll become easier to handle.
I know you don't want the family broken up, but like others have said, if he puts you in hospital next time, who will look after your children? Please also try to tell a family member. If one of your children's partners did this what would say to them? Would you like to be told so that you could help and support them? How much embarrassment do you think you can choose to have in order to keep you and your kids lives safe? Fuck the embarrassment just speak. Your future self is relying on you.
You have done nothing wrong here. You didn't cause this. Your husband has violent tendencies that he cannot control. He can't control himself, you can't control him. Therefore your home is not a safe place.
Therefore you need to place yourself and your children in a place of safety. Do that first and solve the problems later.

I’m so sorry OP but please don’t ignore this.

I know this link is very distressing but many of these are women who were probably once in your position but felt they couldn’t leave. Now they’re dead leaving parents, children, family and friends to mourn what might have been.

kareningalasmith.com/counting-dead-women/

go to the police immediately, and they will bring in your doctors or vice versa. someone here will say correct.

U have been assaulted and that needs to be recorded and marks, bruising etc all recorded.

its abuse and can't be stood for.

go for children's wellbeing, your own and your step children. This person shouldn't be anywhere near any of you

Please get advice from the links above.

Ring the police.

Go to your doctor.

Speak up for you and your children.

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. His violence will escalate.

Hi OP

We're so sorry for what you're going through right now. Please do take a look at our webguide here. There are some useful links to support and RL help. You can also visit woman's aid here.

Whilst support and advice from other Mnetters is great, it can't replace RL assistance, which we highly recommend seeking.

In domestic violence situations, strangulation is the biggest, most serious marker.

I know it’s hard, and I know it’s easier to pretend that it won’t happen again but he could have killed you. Please stop and think about that for a second, he could have left your children without a mother. He will do it again, he could quite easily kill you.

Please leave. Please visit your GP and tell them what happened.

markers*. You are deemed as extremely high risk of your partner has strangled you, and rightly so.

You absolutely need to leave I'm afraid.

I know it's hard, but what if something happened to you and your children were left with him?

You have done nothing wrong in this situation. But now there is a real risk, and it sounds like your children will be better off growing up with just you than in a home where this is happening. Violence like this often escalates and your sense of what's acceptable will change the more he does things like this.

Please get in touch with your local support services, there are places that can help you. Social services will only want to protect you and your children. They can make sure that you and your children are protected, even if he continues to see them.

Do not confront him. Remember there are people here that can help you get the help you need 

Your husband has crossed a line and he is now in New territory

Having done this it is now much much easier for him to cross that next line and kill you

You are in very serious danger

Strangling is very high risk behaviour, is he usually an angry or out of control person?
Leaving is a huge deal when you have children, I've been there, I know how scary it is and how worried you will be for your children.
Please please call womens aid and if you can bring yourself to see your GP. If you allow this to go unchallenged now your husband will believe it is acceptable and that he has your silence and the consequences of that is will hurt you again. Please contact someone, even if you choose not to leave, although I think you should, your husband needs to know you will not accept this and will not be silenced, silence is an abusers greatest ally.

This is your last warning from him
Next time he can kill you

Please come back on the thread OP. I know it's scary being told you have to leave him but what's the alternative? Next time he kills you?

Where will your dc be then? Things can never be the same after what he's done can they? How will ever really love and respect him? It's all down hill from here, he can't undo the damage now.

You need to go to A&E now as attempted strangulation can lead to later serious complications hours afterwards which can be fatal.

You've been brainwashed and abused you must leave him or he will kill you

I'm not brainwashed I know how wrong and bad it is, I'm just scared, I don't know why I love him, even though he's never really been violent before he's always been a bit of a control freak and it's not really a happy marriage, only affectionate when he wants sex, miserable all the time, lazy as fuck, think I'm just here to feed him, do his washing and look after the kids 24 7, practically a single parent so nothing would change, I can't stand the thought that my stepdaughters will have to go with him though, I love them and know I wouldn't have any rights to have contact with them if he moves out with them. These texts are from yesterday, about an hour afterwards, he went upstairs to lay down.

OP you've done really well to admit what's happening on here.

I know how hard it is to say the words out loud. How you've been taught by him to think you're over reacting. How you don't trust your instincts.

But he almost killed you.

And your probably reading that thinking I'm being dramatic. Because he's trained you to under react.

It's hard to say it out loud. So can you write down what he did? Or print out your post on here?

Then can you just hand it to one of the teachers at your dc school?

They will want to help you. Can you do that?

I had surgery one week ago today as well and he really hurt my stomach throwing me around, one of my stitches came out

This will not get better.

It will only get worse.

Your children WILL be left without a mother if you don't get out now. It's only a matter of time. It's "when", not "if".

Please, please OP. Save yourself and your children. Please.

I suspect your stepdaughters would not be left with him if you report this: social services would not be happy with them being left with such a violent man, and it seems pretty clear that he's not capable of looking after children anyway. Surely you don't really love this man? No-one deserves the way he is treating you.

Please go to your doctor as an absolute minimum.

It's not love for him why you feel you can't leave OP. He's got you to a place where you feel like you can't function without him and probably using your SD as blackmail too.

He sounds utterly vile. So many women on MN have been in your shoes, have been scared to leave etc but they have done and every one of them that has come through the other side feel empowered by doing so.

Why wait for the next time?

Just seen the post about your surgery. That makes it all the more important for you to see a doctor. Please arrange it now.

Fuck me, those texts have made me go cold. He does not give a shit about you.

Go to the gp. Call the police, ncdv.
I was told that domestic violence gets worse. I can tell you that it is true. You need to leave. Please leave.